Acclimating to new home.

Lucitta - posted on 04/19/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hello, Ladies.
This past weekend the daughter of a great, now decist, friend moved in with myself and my children.
Due to recent traumatic experiences, I know some abnormal behavior is to be expected, but I'm wondering if the following should worry me.
Before anyone suggests it, we are going to a counselor, we just won't be able to see her for the first time until Thursday.
1) Not speaking. She refuses to talk to any of my children, and uses as few words as possible with me, in as quiet of a voice as possible.
2) Clinging to an item. She hasn't let her baseball cap out of her sight, and if she wakes up and it's not next to her, even if just on the night stand, she will panic.
3) Wetting the bed. She has only been here 2 nights, but she has wet the bed both of them. She was crying the first time when I came to wake her up and noticed, and whimpering the second.
4) Anger. She is extremely quick to anger, and while she tries to be nice, she has hit Arthur, 7, three times already. Once when he took her hat to look at it, once when he tripped and knocked over her blocks, and again when he was coming to get her for dinner. I tried talking to her about hitting, and she got as far as saying she knew it's not right, before she completely shut down. Thankfully Arthur is very quick to forgive, telling me, in his own words "She's not very happy, and needs a hug. She won't let me hug her now, but when she's ready, I will be there to hug her." (I teered up at this.)
If anyone could please give me some advice to hold me over until Thursday, I would really appreciate it.
Her school wants her back Monday morning, but ofcourse I said no.

9 Comments

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Gena - posted on 04/20/2015

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I don't have advice but I just wanted to let you know that your son is great! That what he said is so kind!!! I wish you all the best and that everything goes well.

Lucitta - posted on 04/20/2015

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Sarah.
Please add me as a friend, as I don't know how to do this to you.
I would like to continue our conversation, anpossibly discss other things.

Thank you.

Sarah - posted on 04/20/2015

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You have a very full plate, i have four kids as well. 18, 16, 13 and 10 (11 next month) I know the territory well. If there is anything you need, keep posting. There is much advice and support to be had here. You are doing this little girl a huge favor by taking her in, I know it disrupts your whole life and routine. It will be worth it!

Lucitta - posted on 04/19/2015

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I had 3 already. Lu, whom is 15, a complete introvert, ad she is very understanding of the situation and the most helpful. Marzio, whom is 13, and a bit of a rebel lately, and definitely the one least willing to open our doors. Arthur, 7, whom I mentioned above.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2015

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Oh, I am sorry I misunderstood. I thought her mother had just past. What I blessing that she had a father so invested in her life. So now she grieves the loss of her father, her home and friends. I wish I had some great words of wisdom but you can only take it moment by moment. I have a daughter that age so I know the territory well. How many kids did you already have?

Lucitta - posted on 04/19/2015

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Our agreeing on school is making me think it's the right idea.
Her mother hasn't been in the picture since shorty after her birth, her father raisd her by himself. He never dated another woman, focusing all his free time on her.
He passed due to an accident.
This is when I wish I wasn't single, so I could have someone help me with tm really great community here.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2015

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Since it is a new school, I'd wait until you see the therapist. Is her dad in the picture? Was he ever? Right now she needs as much normalcy and routine as possible. Was the loss of her mother unexpected? I am sorry for you and her loss.

Lucitta - posted on 04/19/2015

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Hello, Sarah.
Thank you for your quick reply.
This is permanent, as I was her godmother. She is 11, nearly 12.
I am just afraid that if I send her to school in such a fragile state, she might shut down or lash out. Due to me living about 90 minutes from her father, she is actually going to a new school, and I think that would be overwhelming.
Again, thank you for your quick response, and I am glad to hear that none of these signs seem alarming.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2015

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School might actually help, she sounds like she is very stressed out. If I understand she has lost her parent and home recently. She is probably lost in grief, fear and uncertainty over the future. School may bring a reassuring sense of normalcy. You don't say how old she is?
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I do think all of her behavior is probably within normal responses for a child in her situation. I suppose the best you can do is verbally comfort her, let her keep her cap with her, don't say a word about the bed-wetting (except that it is no worry), and keep your kids safe without making a scene out of it.
God Bless you for taking in this sad child, is this a permanent situation? If not, it is best to get her to her forever home ASAP.

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