Acting different in Preschool than at home?

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi Everyone!

P.S. sorry this is long...

My son is a little over 3.5 years old, and started preschool about 5 months ago after moving him from a wonderful home daycare. It was a small center, which drew me to them. My son has always had some trouble with transitioning. New people, new activities, new places, he needs a few minutes on his own to adjust. He becomes withdrawn and a little cranky, but will come around in a minute or two if you leave him alone and let him come to you. His pediatrician has always told me that is just his personality. I mentioned that multiple times (and in writing) to the new preschool so they would be aware. The director of the center told me about two weeks ago that my son was having behavioral issues; i.e. hitting, spitting, pushing, not sharing, not listening. It was happening during inside activities. I couldn't believe it! Nothing new was going on; same schedule for everyone. The director said he needed to see a specialist. She said my son needed help. WHAT? I am just getting notice of this now? I had never seen this at home or at his previous daycare. Honest.

So I immediately called his pediatrician; she said to start with formulating a behavior chart, have the center work with me. I called the director back and told her my plan; she said she was on board. I wanted a daily report and we would transition from school to home with talking about his behaviors for the day with stickers as a reward for good behavior. Every day I looked in his cubby; no reports, no stickers, nothing to tell me about his day. If I asked a "teacher" they all gave me a different story. It ranged from...he was fine...to he had a BAD day. The director was so rude to me; basically her idea of a daily report was to write some sentences on a piece of paper each day and put a smiley face or frowny face next to it. How does a 3 year old learn from that?

So after a week of this, and every time I talked to the director she would just tell me how poor my son's behavior was and he needed help. I decided to pull him; gave my two week's notice. The director told me not to come back (the same day I gave my notice). Come to find out; they are getting their yearly license check this week and I believe she just wanted my son out. They kept my deposit and other associated fees. I did speak with the assistant director before we left and she told me she didn't think my son needed help; that his main issue was with maybe how his teachers interacted with him. I called the county that issues their license and she told me that what happened doesn't fall under their regulation, but to contact a lawyer because it sounded more like a policy issue. I don't have money for that..but I feel my son was not given proper care by his teachers and was acting out. I just can't prove it. I talked to another parent and she said her daughter acted differently in school than at home as well and she was concerned. ( I don't think she will do anything though). What to do? I feel so confused. Any advice? Other parents go through this?

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Debbie - posted on 05/13/2013

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You have been had by this school. I would just cut my losses and be glad to have my child out of this school. Children do have to learn as they get older, but they learn through others actions. It sounds to me like it was the teachers actions or tones that made your son act this way.

Hitting, spitting, pushing and not listening are all behaviors children have to learn that are not correct. I have a grand daughter whos parents have went through this with her at the age of 3. She was really good about the hitting others, with a little work letting her know that this is not ok, she is doing much better. The sharing, all kids have to learn this also.
Your son is fine, so enjoy him and watch closely for the good teachers and the bad teachers. Goods teachers are always willing to work with the parent. They need and want the parents invloved.

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