Adhd, add, odd, impulsivity, compulsivity, and disgraphia just to name a few of the disorders.

T G - posted on 11/06/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

3

0

0

Hello, I sit in school everyday with my 9 yo grandson who is in the third grade. As soon as I leave the room he begins to act up. He will break pencils, throw things call people names and usually ends up in the principal's office. He has been diagnose with 6 major mental disorders and finally the school has begun an "evaluation" to determine if he qualifies for an imp. I am 66 years old and this is not the retirement I had in mind.

3 Comments

View replies by

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2013

43

0

18

Yes, I've seen this in children from similar backgrounds. It must be awful for you, especially being there the whole time, but if there is a change such as moving from the father to the mother (especially if there was violence), then there is almost always going to be a behavioral issue. From what I have learned, there is no way to 'undo' this. The only thing you can do is ensure you (or someone he does trust and has cared for him) do remain in his life and teach him trust and love as best as you can. No one else (that includes teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, etc) can help him unless he feels safe with that person - even if they are highly qualified. Of course, he can learn to feel safe with someone like that, but it will take a lot of time.

While the brain is developing, the child reads the environment and then, depending on the stimulus, their brain will grow accordingly. So if it was stressful (substance abuse/violence) then the hind brain - the part of the brain that controls our more 'primitive' behavior - will grow. This is because the environment is saying to the brain, "you need to put your energy into basic survival".


If the child develops in a non-stressful environment, then the frontal part of the brain - the part responsible for empathy and reason and controlling emotion - will develop because the environment is saying to the brain, "don't worry, someone else is taking care of basic survival - you put your energy into something else".

So it could very well be that his hind brain is more developed than the frontal part.

When I say you cannot 'undo' the behavior - it doesn't mean he will necessarily be just like this in his 20s or 30s. Apparently, if he lives with and is coached by someone he feels safe with and that person meets his needs - it will take several years, but they can begin to make positive behavior changes.

Unfortunately, studies suggest that empathy or a sense of connectivity with others may never fully develop, but that isn't hard fact.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially now that you've earned time to yourself at this age.

I hope what I have said helps. Best of luck.

T G - posted on 11/06/2013

3

0

0

I was there the whole way, the first year was spent waiting for his brother to be born and then we moved him and his mother and father from Tennessee to North Carolina. The second year was routine. He lived with a mother and father who had issues with substances and fussed a lot. He saw a lot of it. During this year the father assaulted the mother and was sent to prison for three years. By the end of the second year he was being raised by his mother with a lot of help from his maternal grandmother and step grandfather.

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2013

43

0

18

I'm curious to know how his first two years of life were. What parenting styles was he subjected to? That may give some insight as to whether his behavior is due to environmental factors. During that time, the child's brain cells make their most significant connections and lay the framework of how he will see and eventually deal with the world. Do you know much about those first two years? I'm not suggesting at all that 'mistakes' in parenting were made, but sometimes something as simple as having multiple caregivers can cause the brain to be wired a certain way that can influence their behavior later.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms