Tanya - posted on 05/21/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )
I have read many stories on many sites but the stories on this site really connected with me. I have 2 boys, my oldest is 12 with ADHD and my youngest is 9 with ADHD combined with sever ODD. They seem to feed off each other, both are on medication but they still have many behaviour issues at school, with other kids and each other. I have been a manager for a large bank for 7 years and enjoy and focus a lot on work to distract from coming home. However I have been on sick leave for 4 months and now have to deal with my health, my lost career and being home with my boys and I'm not handling it very well. I feel so guilty when I start yelling and have even thrown things because I'm so exhausted that I don't know what else to do. I want a relationship with my boys but they say and behave in a way that makes me want to separate myself from them. Sometimes I don't know how my husband and I got through the early years- I remember doing rock, paper, scissors to decide who got to go grocery shopping- the loser had to stay with the kids. Sometimes if the boys were in the car with us and we had to stop and get something from a store one of us would run in ( we avoided taking them to stores and restaurants because they are so loud and destructive) and the boys would start screaming for no reason. I couldn't handle the noise and would stand outside even in the -30 winter weather instead of the warm car.
There is so much guilt and shame when people ask " what is wrong with your kids?" " did you drink when you were pregnant?" NO! I did not. Or that ODD is a learned behaviour from their home- that is not true. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and if we do disagree we do it away from the kids.
I never thought being a mother would change me into someone I don't recognize. I never thought I would yell and say things to children that I have said to my boys. We have had lots of government support through the boys school to help us. If we didn't have the help we did I don't know how we could have gotten through it.
It's Sat today and I woke up to my boys yelling and hitting each other, I tried to stay in bed till I heard a glass break....I started searching for stories and found this site. I am so glad I did.