Adopting your first child

SDJ - posted on 02/23/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I hope I actually get responces back on this particular topic because I would appreciate the advice. I had my first child February 20th at 10:55am. It was the best day of my life and she is so beatiful but I had no choice but to give her up for adoption because it is the best thing to do for personal reasons. I love my daughter so much and would love to have her but due to circumstances, I could not keep her. When they rolled her out the hospital room yesterday, I cried so much. I kept everything the hospital gave me. I am so epressed and I do not want anymore kids or to be in any other relationships because their is nothing like your first child. I thought being 22 that I would feel like I am missing out on things like going out with friends but that was me being immature at that point in time. I want my daughter and would do anything for her but cannot keep her for reasons I believe are good. I would love to have a temporary adoption where once I graduated and got on my feet, I could take her. My babys father want sher too but he is unable to provide for her as well and his parents want nothing to do with her. My mom wants her but my mom has things she needs to work on that woul d hinder the baby in the end and I cannot deal with last. I am lost on what to do. I barely sleep, I hardly eat and depression is at its highest point. Please respond to my post. It would be very helpful.

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SDJ - posted on 02/27/2015

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I thank you for responding. My computer acts up a lot so I was just able to read your message. I will take her out of adoption before the 30 days are up. My goals can still be accomplished caring for her because I have many people in my corner willing to support me. The reason why I put her up for adoption was because her father. He told me that there was no way that we could care for her. He cheated on me why I was pregnant and make it 10x worse is that she was in our apartment. He ruined what was our home and made it hell. He was my first love. I have never been in a serious relationship before him. I put her up for adoption because I feared being a singled mother because I know how it is to not have your biological father in your life. I was going to let this man once again control and manipulate my mind because of what he wanted. He said there was nothing that we could do and then he suggested that the women that was in our apartment wants to help with our daughter and had the balls to call her "step mom." He told me that she was nothing and said she cared for him and is there for him. I am getting my daughter back regardless of what it takes. Plus, God just blessed me with a job so I will be able to care for her. I need help and advice to get over this hurt and pain that he caused me and learn how to trust again. He took so much from me that he has torn me down and hurt me in a way I would never expect the one who supposedly love me would. How can he say he loves me and disrespect me? He does not even care about his daughter. I just hope someone can reach out and help me heal. Your response will be greatly appreciated.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2015

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What you are feeling is normal. You are grieving. If you worked with a birth parent counselor....give her a call. She is there to help you through this. If you did not work with one get connected with one. Most adoption agencies that do US adoptions will have one. Some days are going to be really hard and others not so hard. Right now it is going to be really hard......it is very fresh. Try to remember the goals you had and wanted to pursue. Start working on achieving those. Get together with friends. Don't focus on what you wish could have been, focus on what you want to make your life like. You are a remarkable woman! Placing your child for adoption shows the tremendous love you have for her. You are willing to go through this hurt to allow her the best. That takes great strength and love. Hang in there. You will get through this. :) Try to get out at least once a day.....whether it be going to the mall, going to the store, meeting up with friends, etc. Just something that gets you out. Surround yourself with those that will support you. Sometimes just getting back into normal life and normal things and even conversations helps.

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