Ryka - posted on 07/01/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )
Hello, I'll try to make this brief, but to avoid confusions I need to explain a few things.
1. I am not a parent. I am a 20 year old girl just recently finished my second year of college. I go to a college in the same city (big city ) so I live at home. My father passed away two years ago and since I was over 18, I inherited a part of the house so technically this is my house, too.
2. I can not talk about these things in real life, because I don't have anyone to talk to! Naturally, I turned to the internet but other sites seem ridiculous and I will never get real answers or help. I've been reading some questions on here and people sound intelligent, mature and like they truly want to help one another.
Now getting to the point... My teen years went by without any fights or real troubles. I was heavy, antisocial and shy. I did not have many friends, I never went out not even in summers, and I devoted my entire high school life to studying for college. The only problems my mom and I had, was my weight and the fact that I did not talk to other people. She brought up my weight issues every chance she got, in front of other people. She would say I was lazy and I was going to be fatter each year if I kept it up, to my face, in front of strangers and family. She would tell me I wasn't depressed, but looking for attention by not talking, when all I wanted in life was to be left alone.
Teen years passed, but I lost 40 pounds after I graduated high school, and developed an eating disorder. The only motivation I had, was to shut my mother up! In a way, I'm now glad that I've lost all that weight, but... I'm still sick. I keep going back to not eating, feeling nauseous after eating, etc. I may have messed myself up for life. Let's not blame anybody here, though...this isn't even about that. I hate my mother. I hate her to a point that looking at her face makes me angry.
I hate her so much that I can't stop being rude to her. We are constantly at war, and I'm basically waiting and hoping for her to die. That makes me a horrible person, but I can not put up with her anymore. She's a bully. She doesn't realize her words have power. I wish she would just slap me in the face, instead of calling me a lazy waste of space loser for being put on academic probation. I'm messing up my life, because nothing I do is enough for her. I can't just pretend like what she says isn't important...it is, she's my mother. She's all I have.
I have always felt like my teen years were boring and I never got to do the rebellious teen thing, so I recently started making some changes. "say yes to everything" was my motto for a while. I kissed a girl, I rode a motorcycle, I drove without glasses and/or my license, etc... just to be a stupid crazy irresponsible kid! I told her about these, she did not care...she said "you're stupid, that's not news." what kind of a parent says that?! I'm on a destructive path...this isn't normal, is it?! I thought by 20, you should stop feeling like this. I thought those were puberty hormones, or some weird chemical in your brain. And I'm not a recent 20 year old, either.. I'll be 21 in November. I don't want to be this immature, but I feel like with her in my life I'll always feel insecure and bad about myself... (note: I can't move out, I'm broke. )
Please please someone talk to me, and explain why my mother feels the need to be brutally honest in the most bullyish way possible.