Adult daughter

Kerryn - posted on 07/10/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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This may have posted before but I want to ask anyway.
My 21 y.o. daughter has begun a relationship with a young man. She has often stayed overnight at his house. He lives with his parents. It has now come to the stage that they spend most of the day together and she comes home for a meal or to change clothes. She says she is still living here and wants to but then she takes off with him at 1 or 2 in the morning without a word to me. I am very upset and have tried to talk to both of them about my concerns and feelings but they don't get it.
I know they are both adults but I feel used by my daughter and treated as some hotel proprietor.
Am I wrong in my thoughts or too strict? Am I right in that I feel a lack of respect?
Thanks.

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Dove - posted on 07/10/2015

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That is definitely disrespectful. If you are OK w/ her staying there sometimes... that is fine, but she needs to let you know if/when she is going to be there and not be leaving or coming home in the middle of the night w/out a word. If she can not abide by the guidelines that you are comfortable with having... she can find another place to stay permanently.

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2015

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It's your house so your rules. If you want to know where she is going at night or when she'll be home then you are more than entitled to know.
I would be letting her know that if she doesn't want to follow the house rules then she is more than welcome to move out on her own and do what she wants. That's her choice.
She's 21, more than old enough to be out on her own. I moved out when I was 18 and have never been back.

Barbara - posted on 07/10/2015

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I would insist she at least let you know if she will be home or not. That's the least she can do. You don't want to giver her an ultimatum because you might not like what she does. Just tell her you are asking for common courtesy you need to know if she will be home.

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