Barbara - posted on 09/11/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )
My son is 31, married with 2 children. He has always been a challenge but I wrote it off to being strong willed. He challenged me as soon as he could stand up but was always the favorite of babysitters, teachers and others. He was considered so sweet and caring and I adored him. But at 14 I saw the other side of him, the cruel part that could turn off his feelings for others. He mostly stayed in line until graduation. I practiced tough love and threw him out a few times and our relationship varied from very close to me having to ban him. He and his wife lived with me a couple times, always ending badly. The last time I threw them out with my 3 week old first grandchild when they wouldn't follow my rules. He refused to allow me to see any of them or have contact for 8 mo. Then he popped up to ask for help moving and it seemed they had grown up and all went well. I became very very close to my grandson. My DIL would call me every 2 or 3 days if I didn't come over to ask me to talk to the toddler or come visit. They had a girl next and I was still allowed to take the boy but the girl was 3 before I was ever allowed to take her. I thought we'd finally settled it some and I was very close to his wife who has medical issues and usually went over every other weekday to help her. But less than a year later, once again he is withholding them. This time he seems to have convinced my DIL once again that I am the bad one [or else she is afraid to stand up to him] Now it has been 6 mo that I am not allowed to take them anywhere and can only come by with permission. His list of rules causes my head to spin. Recently my counselor and psychiatrist both have said he is a narcissist. He clearly fits almost every example. I so want to try to work things out with him and find out what I have done this time that I can't see the kids, but my 'experts' have warned me to not try talking to him esp alone and in fact to avoid all conversations with him as much as possible. I know he causes my depression to skyrocket until I want to end it all. But I know I am good for those kids. They are home schooled and have no friends and rarely go anywhere so I was taking them to home school groups for play and some classes like swimming, gym, cooking. They need the influence of others without all the crazy rules and beliefs and need exercise and socialization. I need them in my life. I'm so lost...