Adult Slob daughter living at home

Kathleen - posted on 03/23/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 36 year old daughter and her 3 year old daughter live with me. My daughter works at night and I take care of the little one. My daughter is a SLOB...the floor in her room is not visible and now the little ones room is beginning to look the same. My home has piles of things left ..as she comes home she leaves things...by the door, on the steps..tonight I took 4 pairs of shoes on the stairs for 3 days up. I have 2 laundry buckets full of papers in the garage ( since Christmas) ..I needed my dining room table to serve dinner. Papers gather on the kitchen table...we need the room to eat and they are moved to the dining room and when they become too much I move them to the garage buckets. She does not contribute to the household. She has a daycare bill and car insurance. She has not paid a credit card bill in months and now collection companies are calling. I have given her ultimatum dates...told her I would have someone come in to help her organize and she said not needed. I also gave her a book to do a budget and said that we could review it. She has never done this. Any ideas? I don't want her child to think that this is the way to live.

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Michelle - posted on 03/24/2016

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You need to stop enabling her. Did you have a contract signed when she moved in with the house rules? If not then tell her what your house rules are and she has 2 weeks to clean up or move out.
She needs to step up and be an adult and her living with you isn't helping that at all. She's 36!!!!!! This should have happened a long time ago.

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Ev - posted on 04/27/2016

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Pauline--
Please quite using all CAPS when replying to posts. It seems like you are yelling at the people instead of talking to them.

Pauline - posted on 04/27/2016

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KATHLEEN ...... What "SHAWANN" is saying is: "The time has come to HOLD your daughter accountable for her own actions!

I could go on and on and on ............ BUT YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!

I'll follow this situation closely so do NOT THINK what damage this LAZY DAUGHTER can do if allowed to run amok for FOUR or more YEARS!

Pauline - posted on 04/27/2016

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Kathleen....... YOU LOVE your daughter or you would NOT allow her to reside in YOUR HOME! RIGHT? YES ........... RIGHT! Somehow she has come to be at ease with living like (pardon me) A PIG!

Your daughter has NO RULES to follow! THIS IS YOUR PERMISSIVE FAULT!

You daughter has NO MORALS! THIS IS YOUR IN PART YOUR CODDLING FAULT!

Your daughter feels YOU OWE HER SHELTER, FOOD, LIVING ESSENTIALS! She will NOT STOP that ridiculous "DO FOR ME MOMMA..... DO FOR ME"!


*** YOU DO NOT OWE HER A THING! You provided ALL she needed when she was growing into some form of an "ADULT" and now SHE EXPECTS it to continue! FOREVER! That alone is pure unfiltered HOGWASH!

There is a place where YOU FEEL YOU ARE supposedly responsible for the ADULT DAUGHTER! THAT IS GARBAGE! SHE NEEDS TO realize she is TAKING ADVANTAGE OF "MOM"! KIDS TODAY seem to think PARENTS OWE THEM EVERYTHING! THAT IS --- AGAIN --- CRAP! You did YOUR PART! SHE needs to damn well do HER PART NOW! If she does what she deserves to be forced to "HIT THE STREETS"! PERIOD! "HIT THE STREETS"! COLD HEARTED? ABSOLUTELY NOT! NOT IN THE LEAST!

HER CHILD?? Another problem BUT NOT YOUR PROBLEM! NO GUILT TRIPS HERE EITHER! NONE! THE KID IS HERS........... NOT YOURS! STOP FEELING SORRY FOR THE LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING that represents YOUR CHILD!

BE STRONG AND DAMMIT BE FAIR TO YOURSELF ABOVE ALL ANYONE ELSE! YOU DID YOUR PART! NOW??? THE DAUGHTER NEEDS TO DO HER PART!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/24/2016

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When you allowed her to move back in to your home, what was your written contract with her? Did you even have one?

One should always have a contract in place when allowing ANY adult, child of yours or not. This outlines responsibilities and expectations of each party entering into the agreement.

If you did NOT initiate a contract, and she is not abiding by reasonable rules, then you need to have a sit down with her, to outline that she now WILL be living under contract, which is to protect both of you. Since she IS working, she CAN pay rent, and household expenses. You say that you have given her ultimatum dates...Did you stick to the ultimatum, or did you cave?

Sarah - posted on 03/24/2016

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Michele and Raye are correct, either she meets your reasonable requests for tidiness or she can go live like a pig in her own place. Out of curiosity, when did she learn this behavior? Was she always disorganized? Did you clean for her when she was younger? Time to reclaim your home and send your daughter to live on her own

Raye - posted on 03/24/2016

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She needs to shape up or ship out. I understand you want to help your daughter and grandchild. But it is your house. You tell her what the conditions are for her to continue living there. Then stand by it. You have backed down at every turn, so she has no incentive to change. I understand you don't want her to be homeless, but you can't allow her to destroy your home and have unhealthy living conditions for the child.

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