Adult son has very little contact

Patricia - posted on 03/28/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Son doesn't call much - rarely texts. There is a rub there somewhere-- he's always been hard. Was suicidal 2 years ago- like to stay in touch. He has a girlfriend now. Her father left when she was 3- so she's latched onto my son. He likes her though. Yes he's grown but We love him--- just want to hear from him some... He sounds irritated with me a lot. I have a daughter- married- there won't be any grandkids from either. Life just seems so tough.. I have no interest in anything else. Not things I used to like. At 63- we do want a relationship with our kids- right ? Even though they have their lives. Daughter is closer thank God.

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Sarah - posted on 03/29/2016

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Maybe even Facetime or Skype so you can have a group chat. You may be just lost in the business of their day to day life. As to try to set up just one time a week to really chat for 20-30 minutes may make the day to day texts and chats more common too. On Sunday you talk about his meeting or appointment coming on Thursday, then Wed. night you can test good luck, Thursday check in with "how'd it go" and you may be surprised how you will become part of his life dialog. That may sound odd, but my MIL always asks about my kids sports etc, she doesn't want to go see them but she notes it and checks in to see how it went. I then, am more likely to reach out to tell her things I'd typically ignore.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/28/2016

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I'm glad that your son has found someone who can help support him if he's still having the problems that brought on the attempt.

Why do you think that this woman has "latched on" to him? You stated that "he has a girlfriend"...do you think that this is not a consensual relationship? That somehow, she is controlling him?

If your son has always been the 'quiet' one, (you say he's always been hard), and he's always been fairly introverted, then a lack of daily communication should not, at this point, be alarming, even if he did have a rough patch.

TBH, I speak with my mother MAYBE twice a month. I text her on special days, or just because, but not daily. I speak with my Dad once a week. My relationship with him is better.

Adult children are bound to move on, find other interests, etc. That means it's now your time to find your hobbies again, and get involved in other activities.

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Patricia - posted on 03/28/2016

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Good idea-- need some ideas. Gosh - love these kids. Any thoughts are welcome. I am glad he has the girlfriend- wish I knew her better. These young girls of today seem to have better self esteem than some of us older gals. Guess we raised them well? I need a life-- just don't know what my passion is...
Thank you!!!

Sarah - posted on 03/28/2016

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Maybe try to start a pattern of a Sunday evening check in? Not anything super intense, just a hello how was your weekend, what's going on? When things start to make a pattern, he'll know to expect your call and at least respond with some sort of answer

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