Adult son won't have anything to do with us

Mary - posted on 03/18/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Once a mom, always a mom, even if your son is 39. My son is refusing to have anything to do with his dad and me. Are there other parents out there with the same heartbreak?

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Jodi - posted on 03/18/2015

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Have you asked him why? Adult children don't just decide to cut off their parents for no reason. So something has happened. It may be something you don't believe was a big deal, but clearly it was to him.

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Mary - posted on 03/24/2015

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I am so sorry but I do not know how to check for the responses to my post. I get notification in my email, but when I click on it to "see_____'s post" I see nothing. Can someone take a moment to let me know what I am doing wrong? Thank you, I know your time is valuable.

Mary - posted on 03/19/2015

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Jodi unfortunately I do know what happened. Our son went through a painful divorce about 10 years ago. Through all of that we stayed in touch. I'm His biological mom, his dad legally adopted him when he was 5. When he was going through the divorce his aunt, my sister, said My son had called her and that she could identify with him going through the divorce since she had been through 4. At that time she said she just wanted to let me know they were talking. I remember thinking, why would I mind? He's an adult and has always been close to his aunt. So fast forward about 8 years. My sister, his Aunt, moved from out of state, left her own children and grandchildren to come and live with us. We welcomed her with open hearts and arms. She told me at the time that she did not get along with her own children and that they really ignored her, didn't have much to do with her, etc. I felt sorry for her and so she moved in with us. She was here for two years and just recently moved back to her home state and the very town where her grown children live. In December of this year our son came for a visit. We had never had problems to speak of. But I noticed when I would walk into the room, both my sister and son would stop talking. Thought nothing of it. Then I started noticing after my son left that if I walked into the room and she was on the phone to my son, she would literally drop her voice to a whisper and sort of turn away. After this happening several times I asked her on Feb. 3rd of this year why she and my son felt they couldn't carry on a phone conversation when I walked into the room. She said, and I will never forget this, "I told him you made a lot of Christian post on Facebook (I do), and I told him she thinks God wants her to and he said, I doubt it." You could have knocked me over with a feather! I am a Christian, my sons were raised in a Christian home, but I did NOT push either of my sons in this area. In fact, this is something I had shared with my sister. So since both my sons and their dad and I kept up by phoning and texting all these years, I texted him and asked did he say that? He called me cussing and ranting and raving. Then He said this was America, I had no right to ask him anything he ever said to his aunt about me, that I was "just a mean bitter old woman because I had no grandchildren after the death of his son at birth." That floored me! When Cade died Matt had card me to come down and help. It was a bitter sweet time...he hugged me when I left and for years everything has been fine. By the way, this was my son's second marriage and was in 2004. All these years, no problems. Back to the phone call, he told his dad when we got on speaker phone, "you're not my f-----g dad and you never will be! I Really can't tell you how bad it was...and how out of character! WHILE this was happening my sister was sitting on the computer on facebook and actually smiling.

Raye - posted on 03/19/2015

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I agree with Jodi 100%. Also, he's an adult, and can choose who he wants to have in his life.

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