Advice about blending families: Good or bad idea?

Mary - posted on 08/25/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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Want advice on how to handle my current situation. Was told that I could not have children about 8 years ago. I have been dating a man for about 6 years now, whom has a child (now 13) from previous relationship. I discovered about three months ago that I was pregnant. I never had plans to get married or live with someone, as I had already lived with a man for 15 years and it ended badly. Some background info to try to give the full picture. Okay, the man has full physical custody of his son due to the mother not being fit. He rents a place and has his child throughout the week and the child stays with his mother (supervised by the grandmother) on the weekends. The man struggles to pay his bills, has bad credit and does not receive any child support. Current set-up, I see him on the weekends, I pay for everything (groceries/ entertainment) and he helps me with my cars, home and yard work. This was fine with me as it was (short of ) equal give and take. Dilemma, he wants to get married, move in together and live as one big happy family. I am struggling with this as I want my child to have their father in their life, but I like my life just the way it is. I worked hard for everything I have and resent that his child’s mother does not have to pay to support her child financially. If his child should move into my home, with the man’s poor financial situation, I may end up having to pay financially for him, his child and our child. It feels like I am getting the short end of the stick. When I have been around his child, he constantly compares me to his mother (whom does drugs and never worked a day in her life, supported by the government) and he keeps the man informed of everything going on in his mother’s life. I resent being compared to the woman and do not want to have everything that I do in my home to be told to others. I don’t want to have to “tip-toe” around my home and have to raise another woman’s child. I want all of my time and resources to go to the child I bring into this world. He says that he will try to pay half of the bills. Okay, he is bringing someone else with him, therefore shouldn’t he pay more than half the bills? Half of my bills would be the same as if he stayed where he is at and he is struggling now. I want my child to have a father in the home but don’t want to be financially responsible for a child that is not mine. I don’t really know what to do. If I ever thought that I could get pregnant I would have taken precautions and made sure it did not happen, but life had other plans for me. I want to do the right thing. Should I deal with being unhappy and miserable so that my child has a father living in the home or should I just raise my child and he raise his and he can see us on the weekends. I understand it is not about only me now, but is it healthy or good for anyone in the situation if I am not happy. He suggested making my basement into an apartment in which him and his son could live separate but in the same home. Problem is I would be the one to pay for the basement to be finished. Help!

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