Advice and support please re son who treats me badly

NORMA - posted on 10/21/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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How do I cope with not hearing from my son? I feel,so silly...I am 70 years young..my son just turned 50. I raised him myself when his father abandoned us. I moved in with my mother and
being so young did not realise that she had a Narcistic Personality! She was horrid to me off,and on and I don't know why I didn't leave. I think I had no confidence and was scared to leave. When I was 39 a gat aunt died and left me half of her estate! I had no idea she had any money but I suspect my mother did and said horrid things to me when I got the money, I put it to good use and opened a very successful business. I was then able to give my son everything i couldn't give him when he was a child. For his 21st birthday I gave him the deposit for his own home and loads of other things to spoil him. He was 27 when he got engaged an married what we thought was a lovely girl. On his wedding day we discovered the new inlaws were members of a cult!! He was cut off from friends and family and was fed lists of my faults to cut him off from me. I had. I contact from him for 2 years! The when I was in hospital he got in touch to say the marriage was over. We arrived on...i got married opened another business and moved up the property ladder,.
My mother did everything she could to distress and upset me..even trying to turn my staff against me by creating situations. She use to tell me that one day she would take my son from me and she would break me!! Unbelievable I know...but she carried out her threat in 1996 and God knows what she said to him but he stopped speaking again to me and visited her several times a week. Knowing that she had an obsessive personality I imagine what she was saying but meantime my husband had an horrific accident which left him with a brain injury and me running 3 businesses and looking after him. My mother then had a heart attack so I looked after her too despite her still poisoning my son!! ( I must be really daft when I think about it). We were able to take early retirement as I had made good investments. We moved to a village in the East Coast. We bought a house for my mother as she neede looking after. I still had. It heard from my son although I found out where he lived and kept I touch and let him know frequently the door was always open. ,y mother died in 2003 Nd almost within minutes my son was at our door and back in my life. A few mo this later he to,d us he was in a financial mess. We immediately helped him by sell,I got his house and moving him to one of my properties. He was the. Add redundant so again I supported and cared for him. He eventually got a super job and met a lovely girl. We liked her right away although she and her family,ily were quite common with few manners but were good to my son. Gradually that have pulled him more closely to themselves. His good job has provided them all with a life style they could only have imagined. He's the goose that is laying the golden egg for everyone except me!! He now rarely calles me and is snippy of I call him which is rarely.
He seems to have forgotten all that I have done and I feel he was so brainwashed by his first marriage then by my own mother. We are just back from a visit where he had a contract quite near. We took all his favourite goodies and. Generally spoiled him. He was moody and snappy and bad tempered and being his my took it in the chin!! What is it that I have done, I want his marriage to work and the inlaws are cunning and present they like us but really they behave in a
very ignorant way without manners or courtesy or any of the things we are and how my son was raised. Can anyone p,ease explain and give me an idea of what is going on with him, my heart keeps breaking and I wonder if any other. Mums. have had a similar experience, we have always.made the inlaws welcome no matter what. I feel so hurt and distressed yet again.

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Raye - posted on 10/21/2015

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Your son is an adult, and can make decisions for himself, including whether or not he wants to be closer to his married family, or whether or not he wants to be closer to you. You may not agree with those decisions, but they are his to make. You seem like a very caring person, and maybe overly so. You "spoil" him as you say, but what has he done to deserve spoiling? If he can treat you rotten and still get you falling all over yourself to please him, then what incentive does he have to change? He should treat you with respect at the very least, but he doesn't because you don't demand respect.

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