advice for my mother in law

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I need advice on how to tell my mother in law I don't like her sleeping anywhere except her home. She thinks I have separation anxiety but the truth is I don't. I feel more comfortable when my daughter is with my mom even if she has to sleep there.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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And you'll also need to be ready to address the question of why YOUR mother is allowed to take the child overnight, but she is not. That will be a question that she asks you, and you simply telling her that "she needs to be in her own environment/bed" will not be a sufficient answer.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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Then you and your husband need to sit down and explain to her that you have concerns, and what they are. You need to tell her that if she chooses not to address your concerns, or that you feel that she is ignoring your instructions in caring for your daughter, that she will not be allowed to stay overnight.



However, she's not going to see a problem if you continue to use her as a babysitter. In her eyes, if she's good enough to babysit, then she, as grandma, is good enough to keep the child overnight. It's either all or nothing.



I am still wondering why, if you have these concerns, you are even using her to babysit.

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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I had my inlaws over for dinner and my daughter was watching her baby enstein and my house is all open concept she was perfectly fine she decided to go the family room with her and watch while were all having dinner and when I asked her to eat she said she wasn't hungry

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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If my daughter is crying and wants me she will walk the other way so I can't hold her then I gotta just grab her out of her hands or another example my daughters godparents came to visit she they weren't even allowed to hold my daughter bc she had to hold her all night then my husband told her other pple need to hold her

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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My husband has my back with whatever I say. Its not that she's demanding I don't like the way she does things in her house. She gives my 17 old month niece and bath in the kitchen sink when its all dirty or keep feeding my daughter food until she's sick to her stomache

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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Still playing devil's advocate here.



Why do you let her spend the night with your mother, if your reason for NOT letting your mother in law keep her overnight is because she "isn't in her own environment and own bed"?



This is how your MIL is seeing it: You use her to babysit, but won't allow her to keep the child overnight, but you will allow YOUR mother to keep her overnight. So, in her view, "What's good for the goose should be good for the gander", or in other words, if you're ok with YOUR mom keeping her, you should let your husband's mom keep her. See where she's coming from?



I'm not saying that you HAVE to let her stay anywhere, but unless you have a more solid reason than "my mil is too demanding", then you're going to get grief from both her and your husband.



If you have concerns, safety or otherwise, then you need to gently tell her that you have those concerns, and that until your child is older, you will feel more comfortable if she watches the child at your house. But, if you don't have anything other than "she's too demanding", and you still let your own mother keep the child overnight, expect to get grief from her, and from your husband. That's all I'm saying.

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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She's still bonding with her grandaughter, but I don't see the need for her to sleep there when she can be in her own enviornment and her own bed

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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The only reason I let her babysit is to keep the peace with my husband and 2 is I would never let my child not see her grandmother bc she has every right

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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Ok, I understand if you don't want her spending time with your child because of her personality. However, if you are ok with her babysitting, what's the difference between that and overnight? I just don't see the difference.



Of she's controlling and demanding, then she's that way all the time, so why let her babysit?



I'm not trying to be difficult, but trying to understand. You're ok with your child spending the night with your mother, but not mil, but you're ok with letting mil babysit...



If you truly don't want her keeping your child overnight, then tell her that you aren't comfortable with that. But, I guarantee that she's seeing it the same way I am, why is it ok for her to babysit, but not keep the child overnight?

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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my sister in law has twins that are 17months and she lets the sleep there all the time bc there is 2 of them and its a lot of work for her. But I'm just not ok with her sleeping there

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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she's 13 months. My mother in law is very demanding, controlling and does whatever she wants and disregards what I say and I'm the mother here.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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and why do you feel that way? Has she given you any reason? How old is the child in question?

Sonia - posted on 09/17/2012

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I don't have a problem if she babysit but I don't like her sleeping at my in laws house

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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So what you're really asking is how you tell your mother in law that you are not comfortable having her watch your child without you?

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