Advice needed for a stressed out mom

NAS - posted on 08/12/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm currently a mom of two girls a 2 year old and a 1 year old and I'm doing my PhD as well but lately ( in the past 3 or 4 months) I have been having the feeling of wanting to abandon my husband and kids And I get angry at my husband over the most tiniest mistakes and I just want a way out. I keep telling my self it's a temporary thing and that it will pass as soon as my phd. Is over which is why I'm putting antidepressants off at the moment and my doctor didnt encourage them either because I seem fine and cheerful to everyone except at home with my family.
Im worried that the events that have happened in the past two years are getting to me. I lost my first daughter (who should have 3 years now) two years ago due to a genetic disease, my second daughter who is 2 now has the same disease but is taking medication that improves her quality of life but there is no cure for the disease so her prognosis is unknown as well as how long she may live. I'm also in charge of our finances as my husband not employed at the moment.
So recently I've been feeling terrible and guilty for feeling that way towards my kids as I don't want it to affect the children or my relationship with my husband.
I tried taking a break but I come back fine for a few days then this feeling creeps back and I just feel like wanting to stay in bed or sit alone and not hear any crying or screaming which makes me feel like a terrible mother.
Does anyone have an advice for me?

5 Comments

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Linda - posted on 08/14/2013

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Oh, I am so glad it helped. Yes, please keep me posted. In the meantime, you will be in my prayers that a new light will shine for you and a new truth for you will come. Rejoice in everything and the bad will sure have a hard time getting through.

NAS - posted on 08/13/2013

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Exactly!!! I couldn't have said it any better... There is no complete joy in anything!!! And I'm blaming myself for other people's mistakes as well as reading self improvement books to fix myself so that I don't upset others.
I'm actually very happy that you replied so quickly u gave me the ability to rethink everything and take action immediately.
I will keep you up to date :)

Linda - posted on 08/13/2013

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Please keep me posted on your progress. Sometimes a stranger is a blessing to have in your corner. I went through a very challenging time earlier this year and thought I was the strongest person. I was dealing with everything I needed to, but I could not find or have complete joy in doing it. I really had to call out on a couple of dear friends and my family. We are just not supposed to have meltdowns and if we do we keep it all in. I will be praying for you and don't hesitate to let me know if I can do anything or just listen for a bit.

NAS - posted on 08/13/2013

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Hi Linda, thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your son it must have been difficult for you.
Regarding what u mentioned about having someone to talk, my parents are a great deal of support as well as my husband.
I'm pretty functional with my kids on a daily basis by spending quality time with them, feeding them and making sure they eat all their meals. It's just the feeling that comes and goes is what I'm worried about.
I called my doctor today regarding the antidepressants and still waiting for a reply.
Lets hope for the best.
:)

Linda - posted on 08/12/2013

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Oh my dear, you have gone through something a parent should never have to experience.. I lost my child in a car accident and I can tell you that nothing has been the same since. First and foremost, find something or someone that you can truly vent to. God, your best friend, mom or somebody. You cannot, I repeat! cannot continue as your are going. You will be in the hospital or a grave yourself. No one is superwoman, although at times we think we are and can be. You may also consider transferring some of the responsibilities to your husband or a friend or family member you can trust. You would be very surprised at what antidepressants can bring to light. My sister went through a rough time in her life and could feel no emotion, couldn't focus and just didn't want to be where she was. After starting the medication, she began noticing changes in her emotional responses and mind clarity. It was remarkable the difference in her. I will be praying for you.

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