Advice on coparenting with abusive ex

Cdenisemoreno - posted on 03/11/2017 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi moms, I'm hoping someone can relate or give me some good advice on what I can do in my messy situation. I'm a 25 year old single mom with a 4 year old and 6 months ago I left my physically and emotionally abusive ex of 5 years. I've tried countless ways to work with this guy to have better communication for our daughter. His idea of us being friendly is being closer which is fine, so I've accepted his attempts to hang out one and one to get to know each other, and spend family time with the 3 of us so that our daughter handles the break up better. But I just can't handle his behavior anymore. I thought he was truly starting to change, but a couple of nights ago he didn't like that I was out with my friends instead of with him and his friends, and when I finally met up with him he became violent and started spewing vulgar words about me in the street. He did physically hurt me and drag me out of the car onto the pavement forcing me to drive him home. After this i STILL was willing to work with him for the sake of our daughter. But I just can't stand to be put in a corner and made out to feel that I'm not good enough for our daughter and him. So I ignore him and he calls repeatedly and texts. I know if I meet him again to drop off the baby he will block me from leaving for hours until he gets his word. I'm so angry and frustrated with this situation and idk what to do. I haven't taken him to the courts because I'm scared of the outcome and know if I report him he will go back to jail for a year and lose his apartment. I know my daughter loves hombre dearly and misses him so much. It's so unfair to her, but I literally am losing my sanity and it's just blocking my ability to be happy. Any advice other than me being a fool and it being my fault since I decided to have a baby with him?

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Michelle - posted on 03/11/2017

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I agree with all the other ladies.
Get yourself a lawyer and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out properly. Also file a report about the abuse. He needs to learn that he can't treat anyone that way and YOU need to be the strong one and stand up to him.
Who cares about him losing his apartment or going back to jail? He's made the choice to abuse you so it's his problem, not yours.

I would also suggest that you get some counseling for yourself. The excuses you are coming up with are very typical for abused women. You need to realize that you don't deserve to be treated like that and he needs to be punished for his actions.

Dove - posted on 03/11/2017

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You do also need to go to court for custody, visitation, and child support. Hopefully if you start getting legal documentation of the abuse he will only get supervised visitations for the time being, but w/ having no official record of the abuse and w/ you currently refusing to let him see her (completely understandable), you do run the risk of losing custody to him. File a police report about the most recent abuse and file for temporary emergency custody.

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Cdenisemoreno - posted on 03/15/2017

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I took your advice and reported him to the police station. I feel terribly guilty, and idk what will happen. I am in the process of hiring a lawyer and starting a custody arrangement so our exchange of the baby is set in stone, and I don't have to worry about getting pushed around by him anymore.

Dove - posted on 03/11/2017

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So what if he goes back to jail and loses his apartment?! Call the police and press charges against him. Don't let him keep assaulting you. Please seek some counseling for yourself, so that you will gain the strength and support you need to do what is necessary to keep you and your child safe.

Sarah - posted on 03/11/2017

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I agree, you should have and filed a police report. If he were to take you to court, he could get custody of the child. Especially since there is not an official record of his abuse and you are ignoring his requests to see the child. You really need to get this sorted out legally!

Ev - posted on 03/11/2017

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You need to get to court and sort out the custody, child support, and visitation. YOU also should have reported him to the police for ""I thought he was truly starting to change, but a couple of nights ago he didn't like that I was out with my friends instead of with him and his friends, and when I finally met up with him he became violent and started spewing vulgar words about me in the street. He did physically hurt me and drag me out of the car onto the pavement forcing me to drive him home."" That is assault! I do not care if he goes ack to jail for it or looses his apartment. He hurt you. You need help...go to the batered woman's shelter.

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