Advice on dating a full time father

Nicole - posted on 11/22/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

4

0

1

Hi there.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year. I knew the moment I met him that he was the one I want to marry. He has a four year old daughter whom I love with ALL of my heart. I hope that someday he and I will be married and I can be a mother to her. At the very beginning of our relationship, he and the mother were going through custody issues. The mother was mentally unstable and incapable of taking care of the daughter. She has two other children. One lives with her and the other lives with his father. Anyway, the mother dropped her off one day and stated in front of everyone that she hated her daughter and never wanted to see her ugly face again. She dropped her off and left. She relinquished all rights of custody and visitation in front of a judge at court. She is required to pass a psychological evaluation if she wishes to see her daughter again. For months Vi would cry and cry about her mother... it was heartbreaking. Now almost a year later shes doing wonderful. Shes in school, shes happy, healthy and we really have her in a stable and loving environment. Yesterday in the mail, we received a letter from the courts stating that she wants full custody. The court date is a week away. I am extremely sad and stressed about this. I know that she needs her mother and if she is indeed capable of caring for Vi, i would be all for it. But I get a bad feeling. How could a mother ever IN HER RIGHT MIND say what she said to her beautiful 4 year old daughters face, abandon her for a year and then expect to come back into her life like nothing happened? I am having a really hard time coping with this and i would be so appreciative of some advice. Is there anyone on here that has gone through something similar? I am afraid that the courts will favor her because she is the mother.... even though her father has been taking care of her full time for the past year with no issues. Help!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 11/22/2014

11,686

0

1349

After she gave up custody and visitation in front of a judge... no judge in his/her right mind would grant the mother full custody. I would be inclined to believe that she would start off w/ supervised visitations (assuming she submitted to and passed the psych evaluation).

It's impossible to predict what a judge will decide though, so I hope her father has a good lawyer.

Sarah - posted on 11/22/2014

8,728

0

21

If this woman relinquished her rights to her daughter in court, no judge is just going to hand the child back over to her mother. She may prove that she is capable of parenting and she may get limited visitation back. Go to court with a really good attorney, armed with pictures and letters from teachers and family that describe how well the child is doing recently. You say the mother needed a pysch exam to regain visitation; has that been done?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

7 Comments

View replies by

Nicole - posted on 11/23/2014

4

0

1

Thanks Michelle. I don't really know all the details and i have no idea what was going on in her life at that point... only that the effect it had on her daughter was painful to watch. I simply couldn't understand the reasoning behind her doing what she did. Then again, I've never had a child of my own. If indeed she has straightened herself out, is getting help, and genuinely wants her daughter back in her life because she loves her, I would be glad. Her petition paperwork states nothing of the sort which is why I'm worried. I only want whats best for her. So i pray that the law guardians, court and judge, and whoever else is involved takes all things into consideration and does whats truly best. And if she does receive some sort of visitation, i hope her mother will be mature about everything. I am just so worried.

Michelle - posted on 11/22/2014

3,628

8

3245

Has anyone even thought what the Mother has been through. Yes I agree that for a Mother to give up her rights is very severe but by the sounds of it her mental state wasn't very good. If she has had help and medication over the last year then she possibly has turned her life around.
We are hearing from the child's step mother, not someone who has been with the Mother all the time.
The Mother has more rights to a relationship with the child than the OP. I would probably guess that visitation would be set up first and then she may gradually get more and more.
I had to leave my children behind when I left my 1st marriage as it was the only way to get out. I then had to fight to get shared care. I know I didn't give up my rights but it was still a very hard situation. Don't judge a Mother's actions so quickly as you really don't know the whole story.

Sarah - posted on 11/22/2014

8,728

0

21

Best of luck! This is her mother, if she can have some sort of healthy relationship with her it is a good thing.

Nicole - posted on 11/22/2014

4

0

1

Thank you for the replies. I never thought about having her teachers write letters... that's great advice. We are both really worried about the outcome. The court ordered an evaluation before anything could be done on her end. She says she took the evaluation... then we received the court date in the mail with her petition for modification of custody and visitation. So we'll see what happens next week. He has hired a lawyer and has been meeting with the law guardian. Ill try to get letters and pictures made up before the date.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms