Advice on how to deal with no grandparents

Alexandra - posted on 04/07/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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We have a 2 year old son and since he was born we have not had any support or involvement from grandparents on either side? No one came to help when we came from the hospital after over a week of a very difficult labor and no sleep. We desperately needed help and support as new parents and were completely alone! We have been told by our family we were very selfish to assume that anyone would help us when it was our choice to have a child. We are furious that no one has been there for us and completely turned their backs on us after our son was born. I found alternative ways to get some help. I now joined a women's club which offers 2 hours of childcare at kids club while in yoga or Pilates which has saved my life. I can now shower, do yoga and get some alone time to self care. These 2 hours are a lifesaver with a very active child. Please share any advise to a new mother who is very hurt and disappointed with family. We have gone through desperation and still no one lends a helping hand. Do we give up on them and move on? I feel this is best at this point, however this has completely destroyed our feelings with our parents.Need help and good advice:)

7 Comments

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Khoza - posted on 04/09/2014

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I empathize with you as i been through something similar to this. The best this you can do for your selves is let go of all the bitterness and the resentment you have towards your parents. It would have been very easy for me to stop taking to my mom or even hate her after she was not helping with my first born while living with us and discouraging anyone who was trying to help, it was really painfull. Now we are no longer living together and each time i remeber this i try to remind myself that she is my mother and i will always love her. You did your part by asking for their help now let their guilty concious deal with them.

Alexandra - posted on 04/07/2014

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Thanks for your response! They all made us think we were crazy to think that anyone would help us and "we are the parents" , its your responsibility. Yes we are but family should take interest in our son. My sister has no children married for 15 years and you're right, my mom may help her if that is what you meant and then IM DONE!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/07/2014

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Well they all sound like a bunch of cock suckers huh? Yeah I would be moving on and don't rely on them for a thing. The bitch is, when someone else has a baby, they may be more hands on, so be ready for that betrayal. Sorry you are going through this. I am sure they feel like they are doing the right thing, but don't realize what fuckers they really are.

Alexandra - posted on 04/07/2014

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Thanks so much Shawnn. We really appreciate your kind words. We have been fighting with them for over 2 years now and gotten no where. Yes, its very heartbreaking but you cant convince someone to change if they do not have it in them. I really hope we can find or meet people that give us and our son happiness:)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/07/2014

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An, Marisa, don't beat yourself up. You had expectations that your folks, and his, weren't ready do live up to. My mother was the same. It's heartbreaking, but once you realize that you can't fix it, and stop going over the top to be the one keeping in contact, you will feel better all the way around.

And, there will be plenty of people throughout your life that will be willing to fill the grandparent void with your kids.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/07/2014

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Unfortunately, yes, you just give up and move on. They will never know what they missed out on, but you will not feel as stressed.

Good luck!

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