Jean - posted on 11/14/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
I was wondering if anyone had any tips on breaking the news of pregnancy to one's parents? My fiance and I have been together for 7.5 years and engaged for 2.5. We have been trying to get married for what seems like forever! My family has not been supportive at all! They have tried endlessly to end our relationship and sabotage it with my relatives and friends by lying about him. They say that he lies, beats me, steals from me, is low class and is going nowhere. They disowned me for a time when we got engaged. To make matters easier with my family we decided to have a private vow ceremony with our minister and hold off on the wedding until after I graduated from college (this spring). Now, despite our best efforts we have ended up pregnant. We are thrilled with the news. It may not be perfect, but we love and are committed to each other and in front of God. This is not ideal, but we have decided to get publicly and officially married in January and I will graduate in May. The baby is due in June and I plan on continuing on with my education in September. Money may be tight, but we are no longer kids (I am 25 and my fiance is 27) and people in a lot more dire situations than ours have made it work. Now there is the hard part. We have to tell my family. They will be so upset and will likely disown me again. I am afraid with how they will react physically and emotionally. My parents will try to ruin any positive relationship I may have in my family like they did when I got engaged. I am terrified of losing my connection to my family because they are the only one I have. I feel like I have failed in their eyes, but I am trying really hard to be the best person I can be. I have stumbled along the way. I wish my family would love me unconditionally, but this will not be the case. They have already warned me that if I go through with marrying 'this guy' I will be effectively cut off from the family and they will do their best to make our lives miserable. I am comfortable in the relationship I have with my fiance and the one that we will have with our growing family. I love him very much and we are very happy together. He does not like that my family is so negative, but is willing to have a relationship with them if they treat us respectfully. My mother is a drunk and my father is an enabler. We know we have to have boundaries. I was hoping that by writing this long and way too revealing message that someone may have some words of advice for how I work up the strength to tell my parents and to walk away when necessary. How do you tell parents that you love news you know they are going to be aggressively angry about while still protecting yourself, your fiance, and your growing child? Also, in the future, how do you balance/find a healthy relationship with family that is unsupportive? I have been praying constantly for strength, courage, and the ability for acceptance. I don't know how I have let such a happy time in our lives be so unhappy because my family cannot be happy or supportive of us. I have tried reaching out to my grandparents, but they are not happy either. They think a child will prevent me from achieving what I want to achieve at this point in my life and that abortion will make it a lot easier for myself and for my parents. This is not an option for me. It is a life and a life I am ultimately quite happy about. It is out of love and commitment. I have received repeated advice from friends that my fiance and I should tell them alone and at their house so they feel comfortable, but I am scared that if we do not bring someone else with us they will get too aggressive and I will be putting us all in harms way. I have been told that it is selfish of me to try and make my parents uncomfortable by bringing someone else and by jeopardizing my parents relationship with that person/ those people. Thank you for reading this far if you have made it and for your stories/advice!