Advice please. No longer interested in a relationship with my daughters father.

Kimberly - posted on 12/03/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So soon after I gave birth of my daughter 17 months ago I started to dislike my boyfriend. Not for no reason of course . I had my reasons. Ill share an example ( this is the moment it all started) while I was in labor ( which in my mind was the time I needed him the most) he decided to leave the hospital with a friend. i was asleep getting my rest when he decided to leave ,couldnt even leave a nite or something for me to wake up to, and went to smoke a blunt for those who don't know what a blunt is its marijuanna rolled up in a cigar . " To calm his nerves " he later explained. I woke up from the pain of course in need of support and he wasn't there. It hurt me terribly both the contractions and his absence . Doctors had came in and because there were unable to detect my contracts with that thing they strap on your belly so they inserted a thin metal rod into her scalp. Frantic I could do nothing but watch the door hoping and waiting for him to walk in . Shortly after he did . I didn't even bother asking . I had to direct my energy into pushing . About 45 minutes our daughter was born. And ever since that day I have felt completely different about him. He doesn't understand me . Or how I feel about that day. The feeling of abandonment. He just wonders when im going to " let go" . ill never forget that . and ill mever forgive him. I was strict about who was allowed in the delivery room. I only wanted him. No family or friends. Just the father of my child . And he chose to do something so childish. I never felt more alone. He doesn't acknowledge that was the most important day if my life and how I remember it makes me not want to remember at all. );. Nobody knows this. Just him and I and you out there reding this. Because of that day I hated him . Hated the sight of him. He's presence . The way he ate they way he did anything really . I just totally lost myself into caring for my new baby . It was my paradise. He didn't do much . He gave me faces and attitude when I asked for him to watch her or put her to sleep because I was exhausted . Sleep deprived more like it . There were days I didn't shower or eat . I breast fed her for 6 months . If i wouldnt cook we wouldnt et. And it's important to be healthy and taken cared for. He didnt care. He didn't show any appreciation towards me . Never gave me a break . And if he did . I had to hear about it when I woke up. It's still like that today . And my daughter so innocent loves him. Rathers me for everything . But loves him and misses him . It brakes my heart . Sometimes I feel he gives her none of his time . He sits in front of a tv half the day playing video games . He won't bother checking her diaper . Getting her milk . Making her food . Or coming to her aid when she cries. But the times that he does interact with her she loves it. and its beautiful. but he does it if shes lucky 15 minutes a day. every nap every morning Every bottle of milk every meal every diaper change everything its all me. I'm emotional drained . It's hard . Very very hard. At The Endesa of The day i feel nothing but pure disgusts . I sometimes feel like a single mother already . Why not just eliminate him already.

Over these 17 months so many arguments have happened . Nothing ever physical. All verbal. But it's still a type of abuse . there are some arguments i replay in my head and i am astonished that im still sitting here .but I literally don't care anymore. I used to but I was doing more damage by letting it affect me. .indont even let him get that much . I love him . But I am not in love with him anymore. And it's because of all the arguments it's because if what we argue about. We've been together 5 years. I don't want to do it for another 5. Lately I'm so unhappy. I have great composure tho I guess it's for my daughter. But I'm feeling like enough is enough . I want to not be with you !!! .

We recently moved to my family's home because the house we were living in ( owned by his mom ) got a small case of bed bugs from a tenet who rented the downstairs apartment. My daughter was allergic to the bite so I decided to leave everything behind only with the clothes on my back my daughter and him. We've been here for 3 months. He hates being here. My family on the other hand are so happy to have us here. But when they see his face hear his attitude they really have a change of heart about him. Theve recently been on my back constantly because of our later argument. He told me he was going to leave with our daughter that I can stay or go with him if I'd like. He wasn't leaving without her and if he was leaving he was taking her. that im a bad mother and he could do everything i do . i shouldn't have told him come back. After a bery heated argument and many tears later He told me he was just going to leave without her . I told him I will go to court if he can't come to an agreement on how many days we share with her. But she wouldn't stop crying at the door. My mistake . Hes still here . The thought of not seeing my daughter crushes me . It's get hard for me to breathe a bit . I've been there all along. So in a way Im willing to deal with the unhappiness.
At this point I don't know what to do. I'm so torn. How do I go about this . How do I get away without being left with a messy situation. My happiness counts doesn't it ? I was going to wait untill I was able to get my own apartment . That wouldn't be untill about 11 months. In 11 months we would split and begin life apart. My concern is that she's so young. In 11 months she'll be 2 1/2 . Is that a goo idea?
Would the Arguments and being together just lead us further and further apart to where it affects our baby.

I don't want feel this way . Last week I went out with a girlfriend . Min u I haven't been out with a friend in over 5 years . I was gone for 3 hours . Played pool. I got the silent treatment from him for 5 days straight. Like seriously I don't know how muh more I can take . What's him and my family I can't get a moment for myself. I'm starting to feel trapped .

I need to know what's best . For my daughter and I . He's a loving funny man well was . He's a good dad when he wants to be. But a horrible boyfriend

He knows I don't want to be with him anymore. I've told him. We don't have sex . Well we do but it's so rare it's like it never happeneds. I don't feel like he deserves that from me. I take sex seriously . It's not something that just is done in my book. It's done with love. There's no love here. Sex doesn't feel the same with him. I'd rather be celibate. Why is he still here even after knowing I don't want to be with him? For the baby?
He wants me to just forget everything . Let it o . For some resins there just things I can't. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Some last a life time. I just wished they never happened.

I know this is long . It's not even 2% of the story .

Advice please

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2013

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Have the two of you tried everything? Meaning, have you been to counselling? I think you possibly need individual counselling about these feelings you have about him not being there for your entire labour, because while what he did wasn't right, it is possible to get past those things, but you do seem to be holding on to things that you need to let go of.

Now, having said that, if you have tried all of these things, then by all means, you deserve to be happy. You don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that the relationship you and your partner have is normal. You will damage her by being in a relationship like that, more than you would if you split up. If you split up you need to try and work it out to co-parent in a co-operative way. This is going to mean you are going to have to make compromises and so is he. Make sure you come up with a fair parenting agreement, which means ensuring your daughter can have quality time with both of you in order to have strong relationships with both parents. It won't all go your way (highly unlikely anyway) and you are going to have to accept that.

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