advise on been down in pregnancy, dead beat dads + becoming a single parent..

Jade - posted on 05/26/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Im 19 weeks tomorrow and carrying a little girl. im ussualy a bubbly, outgoing confident person, theres not a lot in life that has ever taken my smile away from me. Me and my ex split up, hes given me on and off support which is making it worse. one minute he wants me, and lays and holds my belly and talks about a wonderful future with us as a family ''his two baby girls'' but the day after, hes out geting drunk with his friends, having girls around at his and ignoring us. I get so mad but then he promises me the world, and i fall for it over and over. Its started to get me really down, lower than ive ever been i just constantly cry and the slightest of things could set me off. is this my pregnancy hormones or just my jerk of an ex? im so scared of being a single mum + feeling this low i just dont know were to turn to so i feel myself clinging onto a lost cause, any advise on dead beat dads and what i can do to help myself?? Thankyou x

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Louise - posted on 05/26/2012

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Jade, you can do this, but it has to be your choice. Once you have made that first step to sorting things out once and for all you will feel a massive relief. Just you and your girl now to think of. If he steps up then great go for it, if he doesn't you have tried its his loss. I hope your mum and dad are supportive of you. (((hugs)))

[deleted account]

I was in a similar situation, i was 23 weeks when I found out my husband was cheating. He was the same way your guy is, one minute all sweet and promising me the world then the next just going back to him other girl. It went on for about 8 months, back and forth. No matter what anyone said I had hope that things would change, that we would be a family. I was terrified to be a single parent, felt guilty that I didn't try for my son's family. I knew what I needed to do but just couldn't. Then one day something just changed and my whole perspective changed. Not something he or I did, just something inside my head said, "Ok you tried enough, on to the next step of figuring out your new life." The first few months of accepting I was a single parent were tough. But once we got into a routine and things settled into our new life it was amazing how much better things were without me being pulled back and forth by him. I know people will continue to tell you what you need to do and you know what you need to do, but you have to wait until you are ready. If you leave before you are ready then you are more likely to fall back into his games futher down the road. You're better off waiting until it's the right time for you. I promise, you'll know when that moment is.

Jade - posted on 05/26/2012

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Oh blooming ekers, braught tears that did thanks so much. I hear it off all my friends and family but it just never sinks in.. someone that doesnt even know half of the things hes done can understand i defiantly need to sort my act out. Im 19 and so scared to do this alone, ive never been without him.. but better alone then with him i guess hes never been no good, he refuses to give me anything until 'i' pay for a dna to rpove its his, he knows its his im not that sort of girl hes just trying to get out of his responsibitlys but then on a good day he knows its his and hes giving her the world. Its disgusting that i have to refer to him as having good and bad days with me.. everyone around me hate him, hes even been to court for beating me up when he first found out i was pregnant.. i have no idea why im so attached to him hes worthless, its almost like hes made me dependant on him and i hate it. mum says its all because his a controling little boy, that plays mind games. i wana run a mile, but when i try to i feel my feet are glued. thankyou for your advise though, its nice to hear from an outsider that i am worth more, i know i am about time i started giving myself more credit and standing up in this world! thanks so much x

Louise - posted on 05/26/2012

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Now listen up Jade! This man is walking all over you and your emotions. No more! Sit him down and put your emotions to the side for a minute. He either is in or out. None of this I want you one minute and not the next. He has responsibilites now whether he likes it or not. My advice is hit him in the wallet and then see how he reacts. Take him to court for maintenance you are going to need every penny when the little one arrives. There is nothing more like a reality check than getting a court summons to determine maintenance. If he wants to be with you he will get his arse into gear and be there for you 100% if he does not, then protect yourself and get the money.

My feelings personally are he is a shit! He knows how emotional you are and he is messing with other women, kick him to the curb! I know that is easier said than done but if you dont stand up for yourself you are going to be in this mess on and off for a long time. There is nothing wrong with being a single mum, its hard work, no denying that but at the end of the day it is worth it, for your own self respect. You are worth more. One day in the near future you will meet a nice man that treats you right and will provide a loving home for you and your girl.

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