afraid brother behaviour will infuence son

Nicola - posted on 09/18/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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l'm a 28yr old single mum and l live and care for my mother, 3yr old son and 19yr old brother. l now find myself constantly fighting with my mum about my brothers lazy behaviour. He sleeps most of the day and l know he doesn't do any chores when l'm at work and mum always says l prefer to do things by myself anyway it gets done faster and more efficiently. He comes home late and he goes out only to come back to eat and sometimes he has to be reminded to bath. l have kicked him out 4 times now but he acts good for a while and then old habits kick in. He has written his exams 3 times and the third time ddnt even bother to go get the results till now. In short he's never short of excuses. l dnt hate my brother but l'm struggling to keep food in our stomachs as it is and a roof over our heads. my son needs to go to preschool next year and l cant afford it. My mum now makes me angry easily saying just because she's taking of my son she cant work, l know she's defending her son but it hurts me in the process. l've heard him on numerous occassions shouting at her and she jus goes quiet. l'm on the verge of kicking him out for the 5th time but m worried as to where he will go as all our relatives have disowned him for stealing from them. l am more afraid my son will catch on to his behaviour and think that is how to behave. l dont want him around but l dont want to worry as well. Hope m not blubbering. He's stolen from everyone even myself and his best friend. one day l got in a taxi only to open my wallet and find it empty had to ask a work mate to pay the fare. Eish l dont know my mum says l gloat because l have a degree and a job and l should accept that not all kids are lucky in families. Crazy thing is we all know he's intelligent his reports before his father passed (my step dad) prove it. God bless his soul he died an alcoholic lazy man living with his sister. My brother is now following in his footsteps and mum does not want to accept it. l am frustrated and need advice

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Nicola - posted on 09/18/2012

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yeah you're right even the Bible condones lazyness and l should not feel guilty. Thanks

Lacye - posted on 09/18/2012

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Ah ok! Well that makes things a little different. You just need to put your foot down. And just because you do, doesn't mean you can't be respectful towards your mother. Just explain to her that you can't have him around your son. Her son is an adult now and needs to start acting like it. The two of you are not his keeper. If she keeps enabling him, all she is going to do is cause him to fail in the future. What does she think is going to happen to him after she passes away? That you are going to take care of him for the rest of his life? I know it's a hard thing to do but you need to talk to her about it.

Nicola - posted on 09/18/2012

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hi thanks for responding but l dont leave in my mums house my step dad sold ours so m renting and she stays with me so not exactly her rules l just respect her as my mother.

Lacye - posted on 09/18/2012

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Considering you live in your mother's house, it would probably be best if you moved out with your son. She is going to continue to allow your brother back in because that is not only her son, but it's her house so it's her rules. It sucks but it's true.



Personally, I wouldn't have let him in my house if he acted like that. You are right, it's a bad influence on your son and it's not fair to you.



As for you having a degree, gloat away!!!! That is something you should be damned proud of and should not have to feel guilty for going for it when he didn't. He had the same opportunities as you and it's his own fault for wasting his life.

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