Afraid sons girlfriend is holding him back from choosing a college

Laurie - posted on 11/06/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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She is a lovely girl...and everyone assumes that i dont like her ...not true.She is planning on attending a university about 3 hrs away from our home next year.Our son is interested in a program at a university a 2 hour plane ride from our home...meaning infrequent trips back home during the year .He is hesitant about going so far away ( and frankly so am i) ...if he was really passionate about it ..I wouldn't stop him.But my husband and I are not sure if he wont take the leap because if her or because he will just miss us and home in general too much.Of course he would not admit if it is the girlfriend .They have been dating over a year and as I said before ,its not that we dont like her its just we hate to see him tied down to someone in his grad year .Everyone says "dont worry it'll fizzle out" but not seeing any signs of fizzling...lol any adice would be apprecited !!

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Sarah - posted on 11/06/2016

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I would agree with Ev. Allow him to think it through with not much input from you guys right now. Also look at other colleges too. Is there a 4 yr college a bit closer? What about another 2 yr college else where? Sometimes it takes looking at different things to know what you may like. He might be nervous about moving that far away but do just fine and need that step in becoming an independent adult or he may just need to be closer to home, but it is something you have to allow him to figure out.

I remember choosing a college. I had 2 on my list of 5 that I really liked and had a really hard time choosing. I wanted SO bad for someone just to tell me which one I should go to. But no one would. They let it be a thing I had to figure out. That was my first decision I made about my life. I learned SO much about myself and realizing this is now my life and my choices and decisions.

Also picking a college to attend does not mean you have to attend all 4 yrs or 2 yrs. There are some that do a 2 yr college and then transfer to a 4 yr. Or some that start at one 4 yr college and transfer to another 4 yr. The big thing there is if you think you may transfer is to make sure your cedits will transfer. Most gen. eds. will transfer, but not all program/degree specific credits will transfer. Not the end of the world if they don't just means a little extra work.

My son is a college freshman. He visited 5 schools a combo of 2 yr and 4 yr schools. Some close to home others not. Each school he had things he liked and things he did not like. The school he picked is the one that his dislike was the distance from home (6hr drive one way). After being there for almost a semester he has enjoyed the school, liked his pick, but now his dislike is not so much the distance from home it is that it is in a small town and he was used to living in a bigger town.

Ev - posted on 11/06/2016

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Laurie--my own daughter admitted that she was not ready to move 250 miles away from home--across the state to go to school. But she went and she did fine. What your son needs is time to think about it without you guys constanty talking and then see what he does.

Laurie - posted on 11/06/2016

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Thank you ...your right .
I would likely hate for him to go that far away...but if he was passionate about going I would hide my feelings and encourage and reassure him.My husband and he r visiting the said college this weekend ...I'll get a. I'll get a better feeling when he returns and tells me about the trip
Thanks for your advice

Laurie - posted on 11/06/2016

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Hi. It's funny you asked that..my husband and my son are visiting the said college this weekend ...he said he likes it but there's a but...it's just far away ! I'll get a better feel when they return. Him and I also visited our local community college ...he applied but wasn't over enthusiastic about anything in particular.He does seem interested in automotive repair ...but there's a wait list to get in.They say likely 2 years .I really don't want him to take a year off..it's hard to go back to school after being away from it
Thanks for you reply

Sarah - posted on 11/06/2016

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Have you guys looked at colleges? Done college visits? Looked into programs he is interested in? I would focus on the options. Have him do a pros/cons list for each college. In the end it is his decision to make. That is all part of life we make decisions some are the right ones and some we realize are not the right ones, but then we learn something from that also. Which hopefully helps us in the next decision we make.

Ev - posted on 11/06/2016

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Dove is very right. To pin this on his girlfriend is not fair to her. You were once young and in love and know what it is like to feel like they do. Being forced to chose hings in his circumstance might push him away from you further. Do you want that?

Dove - posted on 11/06/2016

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Are you encouraging him to go away? It sounds like everyone in the situation is hesitant about him going (including you), so it wouldn't really be fair to pin it on the girlfriend. Whether or not their relationship 'fizzles out' is really up to the two of them. It very well might... or this could end up being his wife.

If he is interested in the program offered encourage him to go. If he is hesitant then have him check to see if any other colleges he might like are offering the same program, but if this is the best option... hide your hesitation and encourage him to go for it.

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