After going through my daughter's texts, I have discovered she was sneaking out and having sex with her 15 yr old boyfriend a few months ago. In addition, I found that after their breakup she had sexted photos to several football players while being a varsity cheerleader this fall. Her father and I separated during the past six months and I believe this has triggered this risky behavior. We have discussed the consequences of sex and sexting to great lengths with her and felt she understood the consequences of this behavior quite well. She attends a strict christian school and I believe the sexting has come to the administrations attention but has been brushed under the rug in order to keep negative attention away from the football stars. We decided this over christmas break to move my daughter to another school since she has ruined her reputation, but I fear it will follow her since is a cheerleader. She no longer has her phone or computer, but I have allowed her restricted use of her phone for good behavior (this has been against her father's wishes). The boy she has had sex with wants to start a healthy supervised relationship with her, but I know my husband will never agree. I don't want her to sneak out with him and fear this will happen if we forbid their relationship. My daughter is very active involved in school cheer and a competitive cheer team, along with student council and choir. My husband and I disagree on discipline and he rules with an iron fist and I feel respecting the needs of teens should be taken into consideration and not just my way or the highway mentality. My husband and I are trying to work things through since we have seen the toll our separation has had on our children, but I question if our differences are causing more harm by staying together. Any suggestions?
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Erin - posted on 01/07/2012
I'm glad to hear you're still going with her and sad that her father won't. It's very hard to compromise with someone who thinks in the "my way or the highway" mentality. My sister is very much like that and it has hurt our relationship because she won't compromis and find middle ground. Maybe something to bring up to the counselor would be some tools your daughter could use to help her father realize she's not just a child anymore, but a young woman on the edge of adulthood who needs guidance more than strict rules.
Erin - posted on 01/07/2012
I haven't been in your shoes (my kids are still preschool/toddler age), but my instincts tell me that two things would help. First, find a family counselor to help all of you deal with the "fallout" from the separation. Secondly, try to convince your husband to attend a parenting class (geared towards the teen years if possible). That may help you and your husband find middle ground for dealing with your daughter's risky behavior.
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