age for teenage girl to have a boyfriend?

Doris - posted on 06/01/2009 ( 27 moms have responded )

2

6

0

I was just wondering what is a good age for a teenage girl to start dating or to have a boyfriend?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Laura - posted on 06/02/2009

377

6

58

Quoting Nancy:

In my home, I strongy discourage boyfriends/girlfriends untill after they move out of the house. A lot of people would say that this is "abnormal", however it can be done. It also depends on your teen. Relationships are to much for a young person to handle at these ages and I would not encourage it. The only exception that we made in our home was that if they had a boy/girl that they liked, we encouraged them to come over or go places that were fun with us. My daughter is seventeen and she is fine with this. She had her heart broken and see's that a relationship while in high school is just plain stupid. Parents need to stop feeling like they need to give in to today's standards of "normal". Everyone knows that a teenagers brain isn't wired properly untill they are in their twenties (scientifically proven)...the logic/reason portion is just not there.


I don't really agree with the scientifically proven crap. The logic and reason portion isn't there. That's bull. You teach your kids right from wrong and morals. There does come a time when you need to let them make their own decisions even as teenagers, and trust that they listen to what they were taught. Every body does make mistakes, but if they do something that know better than to do they're going to use that as a cop out and won't suffer any consequences. I had logic and reason as a teen, and according to a lot of people I was more responsible than most people in their 20s 30s 40s. With somethings how do you expect them to learn if you don't let them. The hard part is knowing when to let them make their own decisions as a teenager. My dad started making me and my brother start making our decisions about boyfriends and girlfriends at 15. My mom never wanted to talk about them, but my dad told us his experiences and was very open and honest. My brother and I knew right from wrong then and we still do. And I will say that if a boy is taught not to hit a woman ,but does anyway he deserves to get his butt kicked. Especially if he admits that he knew it was wrong but did it anyway. I don't care who you are you need to talk your kids about everything. You need to have an open and honest relationship with them. If my dad wasn't the way he was with me I would be in a far worse place than I am now. Kids respond better to honesty especially if it happens at an early age.

LeRhonda - posted on 06/02/2009

1

3

0

It depends on the maturity of the child. I had my first boyfriend @ 12 but we stayed @ my house with my family and just did family things together. I enjoyed having that special boy being involved with my family. I didn't go out on a date alone until I was 16 and usually it was with another couple. You have to be open and build trust when you allow your daughter to go out on dates and make sure you set a curfew.

Jeanne - posted on 06/02/2009

571

14

45

I think it all depends on the maturity level of the teenager. No one knows the child like the parents do and I think they are the best judges of that. I know with my parents we were not allowed to have a bf - or in my brothers case a gf - until we were 16!!! We thought it was way late but now that I look back on it I appreciate it as there was so many other things going on I don't think I would have been able to handle having a bf on top of everything. You must also set rules for the girl when she starts dating and if she doesn't follow them - it's unfortunate but she loses her dating privileges. One thing that we were also expected to do was bring our dates around for one of our parents to meet them - not a bad idea as moms have "radar" when it comes to their kids and their friends. I would also give her an age limit for the boys she wants to date. Good luck.

Nancy - posted on 06/02/2009

1

4

0

In my home, I strongy discourage boyfriends/girlfriends untill after they move out of the house. A lot of people would say that this is "abnormal", however it can be done. It also depends on your teen. Relationships are to much for a young person to handle at these ages and I would not encourage it. The only exception that we made in our home was that if they had a boy/girl that they liked, we encouraged them to come over or go places that were fun with us. My daughter is seventeen and she is fine with this. She had her heart broken and see's that a relationship while in high school is just plain stupid. Parents need to stop feeling like they need to give in to today's standards of "normal". Everyone knows that a teenagers brain isn't wired properly untill they are in their twenties (scientifically proven)...the logic/reason portion is just not there.

Christal - posted on 06/01/2009

181

33

22

i wasnt aloud to date until i was 16, however i had my first boyfriend when i was 12 turning 13. but when i was a kid i never thought about what a boyfriend was for really. I thought i just got to kiss him. lol. but now-a-days its sad to say kids are having sex at the age of 10. I would talk with her about peer pressure and how smart she is in making desisions. but this is a tough call on what EXACT age to say.

a suggestion is maybe if she wants to 'date' go on group dates and things, but to not classify it as a bf yet.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

27 Comments

View replies by

Geet - posted on 01/18/2013

1

0

0

Hey doris. I don't know the right age but my mom used tell me that i should be atleast 17or18 to have bf.

Laura - posted on 06/02/2009

377

6

58

Quoting Big Mama 2:

I cheat!!! There is a lot of peer pressure to have a boy/girl friend. But if kids were honest with you they would tell you they are not ready for a boy/girl friend ---- So I cheat. I travel out of town and visit relatives. Everytime I take a teen or pre-teen to a family visit--I am not sure how but teens of the opposite sex shows up!! Maybe just curious....I encourage these "friendships" by offering to take them to the mall. Going to Mc D's etc. well lite, open areas ----and then they become an item. I encourage long distance phone calls, take pictures of them together, and encourage emailing.
The up thing to this cheating is 1) peer pressure is less if they r able to show pics and share phone calls with their "love". 2) Teens r home on phone or puter I know where they r !!! 3) No school/neighborhood dramas or gossiping 4) No unsuperivised time alone together to explore teen age curiosity!! 5) when life has it's ups and downs they have a caring peer to talk to and feel "special" with. Once a year we would make a point to go visit or plan family vacations together or invite to join in an activity. I make sure my "teen" is polite, courteous to the parents, I am able to "ease" in dateing etiquette. We send something special for their birthday and at Christmas, and we talk a lot about respecting and careing for this indiviual. Maybe it sounds like a lot of work but I think it is a lot less work than dealing with the issue everyday!!!! because dating is a teen age issue!!! This has worked for me!!


I think my husband and I might try that when our kids hit the teen years. That's awesome!!!

Big Mama 2 - posted on 06/02/2009

7

10

2

I cheat!!! There is a lot of peer pressure to have a boy/girl friend. But if kids were honest with you they would tell you they are not ready for a boy/girl friend ---- So I cheat. I travel out of town and visit relatives. Everytime I take a teen or pre-teen to a family visit--I am not sure how but teens of the opposite sex shows up!! Maybe just curious....I encourage these "friendships" by offering to take them to the mall. Going to Mc D's etc. well lite, open areas ----and then they become an item. I encourage long distance phone calls, take pictures of them together, and encourage emailing.

The up thing to this cheating is 1) peer pressure is less if they r able to show pics and share phone calls with their "love". 2) Teens r home on phone or puter I know where they r !!! 3) No school/neighborhood dramas or gossiping 4) No unsuperivised time alone together to explore teen age curiosity!! 5) when life has it's ups and downs they have a caring peer to talk to and feel "special" with. Once a year we would make a point to go visit or plan family vacations together or invite to join in an activity. I make sure my "teen" is polite, courteous to the parents, I am able to "ease" in dateing etiquette. We send something special for their birthday and at Christmas, and we talk a lot about respecting and careing for this indiviual. Maybe it sounds like a lot of work but I think it is a lot less work than dealing with the issue everyday!!!! because dating is a teen age issue!!! This has worked for me!!

User - posted on 06/02/2009

1

10

0

For myself I dont think they need to start doing that until they are sixteen. There is already so much going on with there bodies that throwing boys into the mix is kinda looking for trouble.

I dont know if that helps,but thats how I look at it. I have three girls.

Laura - posted on 06/02/2009

377

6

58

One mom already made the comment about it depends on what the parent has taught the child or lack of. To a point that's true, but there are a lot of parents who are really open about sex and life experiences like my husband and I and the kids are just really irresponsible. They think we don't know what we're talking about. And to a point I think they are right because every situation is different. Before I met my husband I had never slept with anyone else, but the guys were jackasses for lack of a better word. They just had horrible attitudes with certain things, but when it came to sex they never pushed the issue they knew how I felt about it.

I have a 5 year old son and 17 month old daughter, and according to my husband she's never dating. He says he's putting up state of the art security system, with cameras bars on windows, and a few hidden surprises for the ones that try to sneak in. LOL I told he can't do that, but dads are more protective about it than us moms. Part of that is because we remember what it was like when we had our first boyfriend so we get a little excited about our daughters having their first boyfriends. Yes, the world has changed, and I will say that this is something that both parents need to talk their kids about. For girls dad should do a lot of the talking because lets face it they use to be that age and know what goes on in the guys in head. But moms also have life experiences with boyfriends, but honestly if you've only had one and married him I'm not sure how well that's going to go over with your daughter when you start talking. You can't lie, you have to be brutually honest with your past.

Edee - posted on 06/02/2009

4

5

0

Hi Doris! I have sons, then there's my daughter! She's 14 and will be a freshman next year. I started doing research a few months ago. Not only have I asked moms of older girls for advice, but I found a book called "5 Conversations you must have with you daughter" by Vicki Courtney. It's been very helpful! The author hits subjects head on. Being a teenage girl now is a lot different then when I was young (I'm 43). My daughter is my youngest and I have learned that asking others for opinions on raising kiddos has helped us survive and my kids have turned out pretty good so far :-) Never be afraid to ask! As far as discussing your past relationships, you don't need to go into detail, it's not up to your daughter to hear your confessions, but do express to her your regrets. Don't stress out about the teenage years, embrace them and make sure communication stays strong between you and your daughter.

Mel - posted on 06/02/2009

5,539

58

228

well it depends what you mean by dating, i dated when i was 12-15 but it wasnt serious just school stuff and we only went as far as holding hands if that. i didnt have a seroous relationship where i was in love til i was 16. i think 16 is a good age

Trish - posted on 06/02/2009

95

5

5

well when she's ready weather that's when they're 15 or 11 it's up to them. the only thing on my mind would be what they get up to. a boyfriend where they just quick kisses on cheak and hold hands that last for a week or 2 that's ok at any age but for it to get more serious than that I'd hope would be after age of 16. but all you can do is quide your child, if you try to tell them what to do too much then you'll find them doing exactly the oposite of what you want them to do. you've got to just go with the flow and try to guide them to do what you want but put in such a way that sounds like they're makeing the decision themselves.

Marianne - posted on 06/02/2009

110

20

3

NEVERRRRRRR!!! Okay Marianne, snap out of it. LOL Each child is different. I have a neighbor whose 15 year old daughter is "not" ready nor responsible at all. Go with your gut. My mom (who has 10 of us) always said, "when a boy comes to take your daughter out, make sure you can see his adams apple as he is swallowing". What this means is "put the fear of God into them, they harm her, you harm them". Seemed to work, we all made it into adulthood.

Cindy - posted on 06/02/2009

2

3

0

I have a daughter who is going on 15, I think that its too young for a boyfriend yet

April - posted on 06/01/2009

1

26

0

I have a fifteen year old daughter and although she likes boys she isn't ready herself for a boyfriend (thank goodness). I think ideally you should always have open communication with your daughter. Plus I try to keep her occupied with other things, like she volunteers at our local animal shelter. Just keep positive your her mom you'll know. Good luck ;o)

Carmen - posted on 06/01/2009

25

23

0

crazy hard question! My daughter and I just had a conversation about boyfriends last week, she is 13. She does not have a boyfriend, she is very mature, very responsible, I do trust her. So me not wanting her to date right now has nothing to do with any of that. The fact is when you are in a relationship you change things about yourself to suit who you are with (compromise), when you are younger you change more than you should, because you do not know any better and you are not sure of who you even are yet. I talked to my daughter about if she wanted a boyfriend, if she felt left out and followed it up with the all famous quote " you are too young" and "boys are yucky" just for fun! My son did not see the humor in this! Anyhow, we really had a discussion on how I would like to see her find herself and be happy with who she is becoming before ever letting a guy in her life. I want her to be a strong women in control of her life, and at this age they all switch boyfriends every week...ewwwww! Which she agreed with..ewww! I will not set a certain age to her, she is mature enough to talk to me and make good decisions. I feel as parents it is our jobs to give her the tools and knowledge and strength to stand on her values. rules are made to be broken, and is that ever true with teenagers.I think they need strong boundaries and natural consequences. I love my daughtr dearly and hope that she learns how to make herself happy and does not rely on some guy to do that for her. And I told her later in life when she has all of these qualities she will truly find a prince charming, that will love her for all of her strengths , as well as for her weaknesses. I don't know if this helped or not..but Good Luck! and God Bless!

Wendy - posted on 06/01/2009

13

11

1

I have a 4 yo girl, have many friends that have girls entering the dangerous waters of teenage daughters, and I must say there are a lot of things to look at, many of which already are covered. First, your daughter. How mature is she? Is she capable of being mature and do you trust her? Another big issue is where are you in some areas girls may have more peer pressure to date younger and do things younger than in other areas. Also, your cultural and spiritual background should play an important role in your decision. And your decision should include of course your daughter, talk to her friends, their parents, even her teachers or counselors at school see what is going on there if you are still not sure. Hope it helps. I know here in NY girls are about 12 or 13 when they start going out with boys and even at 10 there are girls having sex, it makes me shudder to think! We just need to be open and hope that we can keep honest communication with our daughters throughout their lives for their safety and so that they know that they can always come to us even if they get into trouble. Best of luck!

Kala - posted on 06/01/2009

43

0

1

How old were you when you started dating? Do you think that you were too young or were you ready for it? I would go by what you experienced. Talk to her about your experiences as a teenager so she feels she can trust you and tell you anything and everything. I wouldn't judge it on how old she is but how mature she is.

Karie Anne - posted on 06/01/2009

5

10

1

it really depends on the kid, but my parents rule for us as kids was 13 to "date" but only in large groups... 16 to actually go out on one-on-one dates.

Samantha - posted on 06/01/2009

6

48

0

Hey Doris!! I think you are asking a very good question. I personally would have to say that I don't think a child in high school or younger should be "dating", I think that there are more important things in a young girls life than BOYS! I think for her to have a boyfriend that she met around with in a group would be okay...even then I wouldn't allow until she was sixteen. I don't think that it depends on the maturity of the teen...I think it depends on the teaching from the parent!! If you talk with your children instead of leaving it to society and the education system, you're good. Our society perverts young childrens minds, and they aren't being given enough info in school!! A child should not have the responsibility of a relationship. I definately don't think that sex should even be an option, you should teach her immediately about the importance of abstenance until marriage!! God Bless :)

Megan - posted on 06/01/2009

359

5

20

I would say that dating can start at 14 or 15... if you have rules. Maybe younger or older depending on the girl. I was 13 when i went on my first date...to a school dance but didn't have a steady boyfriend till i was 14. then we had lots of rules... if we went to the movie at 7:00 we were home by 10:00... no late movies and I had to answer my cell phone immediatly or call back ASAP if i was called. But honestly even with super strict rules i got in loads of trouble (but learned a lot) - I ended up getting married to the best husband ever at 17 and at 21 i have my first baby... Some people start dating at 16 and end up with 3 times as many issues. Just make sure you have very open communication with your daughter and strict rules of how she will behave and what you expect of her. And get ready for a whole new bag of worms!

[deleted account]

I think it depends on the maturity level of the teenager. Too many girls are dating at 13 or 14 and they are too young to handle the relationship responsibly especially if it is with an older boy. The same can be true for 15 and 16 year olds that are emotionally immature so I would decide based on the individual teen.

Lisa - posted on 06/01/2009

2

1

0

Doris are you talking about what young kids do? ie just hanging out, holding hands, maybe kissing or going to the movies? It's not uncommon for kids to start this sort of social behaviour before they finish primary school....



Or is it something more serious then that? If it is then only you and your daughter will know the answer to that. You must also keep in mind that the more open and accepting you are, the more open and honest she is likely to be.

Libby - posted on 06/01/2009

937

19

122

I can't tell you the *right* age for your particular daughter. You need to go by her maturity level. But I just wanted to say that I married my highschool sweetheart whom I have been with since 1 day after his 15th birthday and I turned 15 four months later. We are 30 this year!

Laura - posted on 06/01/2009

377

6

58

It all depends on the teenager. Some are more mature than others. If you feel she's old enough than talk to her. I had my first boyfriend at 16. I was actually pretty level headed for my age according to a lot of people. It all depends on the situation. Just talk to her, discuss your experiences with boyfriends. Tell her what age you were with all of them and other stuff.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms