alienated by daughter in law and grandkids for not helping them or her

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Michelle - posted on 07/25/2015

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Seriously, if your DIL can't raise her children then she shouldn't be having them!!! I think it's very selfish of both your son and DIL to expect you to help out more and to keep tabs on when you are there.
My own Mother hasn't helped with any of my children. She has babysat probably 6 times and my oldest son is 14!!!!!
Why do people think that they can just have the grandparents look after the children all the time?

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Sarah - posted on 07/27/2015

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It is very sad that you aren't enjoying your grand-kids. My mother told me; "I raised you, you raise your own". She was able to have a real grandma experience, doting and loving on my kids and leaving discipline and parenting to me!

Soccerchick_42_1992 - posted on 07/27/2015

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kids are not pawns it is beyond ridiculous to use them as if they are. no matter the relationship between parents and grandparents the kids should be neutral and never kept from those that love them.

Ariel - posted on 07/25/2015

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Hey Rose. I'm sorry you're going through this. Relationships can be extremely difficult. I think your best bet is to sit down, with no children, just you three, and talk this out. You need to find out what their expectations are and what you can or can't do to meet them. You can't change the past, and it may take time to straighten things out for the future. I'm sure if you do your best to openly communicate with them, it'll all work out. They'll likely ask why "you haven't done enough", or why such and such happened. So be ready to explain, defend, or apologize as you see fit. You can't change the past, but you can build a better future.
I'm always an open ear, you're welcome to share, or not, anything you need. We don't have to know every detail to be a support to you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/24/2015

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This is making no sense. You say that they've restricted you because of your bad choices. What are you doing around the children that they consider to be 'bad choices'?
Did you make a commitment to be there 24/7, and then not do it?
None of this really makes any sense, because in the one paragraph, you claim it is because of poor choices that you have made regarding the children, which, if any of those choices put the children in danger, I can't blame them...but in the next, you say it is because you haven't 'helped enough'?

Sarah - posted on 07/24/2015

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You've been there every day except for 21 days in the last three years? I am confused. Were you supposed to move in with her while he was gone? Now they won't let you see your grandchildren at all?

Dove - posted on 07/24/2015

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Did you tell them or give them the impression that you WOULD help out? What are your reasons for not helping out more (not saying it's your fault.. just trying to get a clear picture)?

It sounds like you all do need to sit down together and sort this out, so that everyone can understand the other.

Rose - posted on 07/24/2015

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hi ariel thanks for repling to put it in as little run on as possible my daughter in law and son are disappointed with my bad behaviour and bad choices reguarding his wife and three children on not spending ample time with his family while he is out of town job related comes home on the weekends and he has done this for the last three years with expectation that i was going to be there to assit with the wife and associate more with the 6 yr old who cheries me very much cant wait to see me and the 3 yr old and 1yr old.
altogether my son is keeping track on how many days ive not been there (21)days so they have now restricted me till further notice and have a meeting with the daughter in law at her convenience to throw nija stars at me cause she is so pissed at me an advice would be appreciated greatly

Ariel - posted on 07/22/2015

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Hello Rose! I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Can you explain a little more so we're able to help you more? If not, that's okay.

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