All grown up?

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Jodi - posted on 08/16/2013

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Linda, you posted in a public forum. When you post in a public forum asking for advice, people are going to give you advice (which I did) based on the information you provide. No-one who posts advice to you here is going to know you.

I also was not judging you in any way whatsoever. Your post (which I see you have now deleted - what a very mature reaction) contained lots of comments about how unhappy you and your husband were about it, and you and your husband feel personally very hurt by the fact that your daughter wanted contact with her father. I really was just telling it like it is.

What a pity you seem to take not only what your daughter is doing, and the advice that I have given, so personally. None of this is a personal attack against you and your husband. This is what you seem to be having trouble grasping. If you can understand that, then maybe you can move on. Good luck. And I mean that.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/16/2013

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Whether it is a phase or not, whether or not her biological father is a loser, she still has every right to get to know him and make her own choices regarding the relationship. And for you not to try to foster that relationship while she was growing up wasn't actually protecting her, but was keeping her from knowing her biological parent.

Yes, her step father was there, was her support, etc, but he also knew that he wasn't her biological father, and that, deep down, someday she'd want that connection. She's not rejecting her step father, but rather accepting her biological father into her life, which is her right, and her choice.

Your husband needs to buck up. He needs to be the "bigger" person and let her know her biological dad.

Jodi wasn't being judgmental, BTW, she was stating pretty much how it is...You thought you were protecting her, but in not allowing her to know her father, you were being slightly selfish. You and your husband wanted (understandably) the perfect family, and bio dad didn't fit that, with his behaviour.

And, Linda...This site is ONLY opinions...and they all may differ. It's a public, international forum. I know from experience that Jodi (as well as myself, and others) are speaking from the same or very similar experiences to yours, so to assume that we know nothing about your world is a little, well, off. Some on this site have had to swallow the bitterness and allow their child to associate with a less than stellar biological parent. Others have had to get over the fact that their spouses had children with other women and be the open one in accepting all of those relationships and those kids.

The door swings both ways here.

Gena - posted on 08/16/2013

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Where is the problem in a child wanting her bio father in her life?What i read out of your post is that you and your husband are upset about it..But where is the problem?Do you think your daughter has to ignore him because her stepdad was there all the time? Every child has the right to have the bio parents in their life. I think Jodi gave you great advise..maybe you just dont want to hear the truth.

Linda - posted on 08/16/2013

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Well Jodi although I asked for helpful advise you did offer yours and you don't know me to judge me so to imply I am being childish or selfish is just your small minded opinion and I didn't ask for opinions. So next time you see someone asking for help learn to keep your opinions which you shouldn't have of someone you don't know to yourself

Jodi - posted on 08/16/2013

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There is nothing wrong with a child wanting to get to know her biological parent. It is actually perfectly normal. She is an adult, and you need to respect her wishes on this. Unfortunately, you have made it clear to her that you don't respect her wishes in this regard, and she has a right to be upset at you about this too.

It doesn't matter what you or your husband are comfortable with because this isn't about you. You need to stop looking at it as if it is. She isn't rejecting YOU by getting to know her father. It is childish to think that is the case. She is simply including her father in her life.

If her father lets her down, then she has made these choices herself, and she needs to learn to deal with that. It is not your place to make her feel bad for making an attempt to have a relationship with her father.

I can't answer whether you will be expected to mend another broken heart. Life is like that - who knows. Maybe he has changed. Maybe he hasn't. You need to take a step back and let it be what it is going to be.

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