Altercation between alcoholic Father and Son who is aggressive and both blame each other

Suzanne - posted on 01/02/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I moved back with my ex-husband 3 years ago. My ex is an alcoholic and my son has issues with aggression, depression, and is possibly bi-polar. At this point I don't think I can repair any damage either have done to the family. My son is disrespectful and in trouble with the law. Both have to be right and have the last word. My ex has destroyed every relationship in his own family with his drinking and blames everyone for his behavior. I keep trying to go forward and get over the past, both will not let it go. It gets better for a while and then one of them triggers the other and we are right back to yelling, screaming, and getting physical and my ex telling my son to get out and he is a piece of shit and always will be. My son explodes all over his Dad and brings up every thing my ex has done and. I am in the middle with issues of my own with my ex. I am blamed for taking sides and both demand that I take their side or I'm out of their lives or I get yelled at for defending my son and I am told to take him and leave. I have no money and I can't get an apartment due to my poor credit. I do have a server job and the money is not good. I have to go to work and worry about what is about to happen at home. It is affecting my job performance and I just want to make everyone see we can be a family without all this drama. I feel like a hostage and I am terrorized by both of them. My older son tells me I am to blame for always babying his brother and protecting him from their Dad. I need help for my entire family.

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Suzanne - posted on 01/02/2014

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I know they can only want to change before it happens, My ex if I don't take his side turns on me and makes me the target of his anger, He has always been his way or the highway. I told him our son has a mental issue and he thinks I am protecting him and taking my son's side of things, They are both wrong! He told me yesterday that he was going to sell our home, which he owns and he would take the older son and I would have to leave and take the problem son. Later that night as I was sleeping on the couch, he screamed in my face for drinking his beer and that was his special beer, I might add, I told him I would replace it and he said don't bother because I would need to spend HIS money. For the last couple of months my income has been low and even after we paid off some big credit payments with a refinance he is constantly blaming me for our financial situation. I paid for Christmas this year and even got him something, because last year he refused to buy anyone anything, and he even refused to buy us food, I can tell you Christmas was horrible and our son's still remember how it was and even this year it was overcast from last year. I did not receive anything from my ex, not even a card. My younger son was left a couple of summers ago in Arizona when he was on vacation with the ex, He got mad at his parents, drunk of course and threw a beer at his Dad, broke their door and walked 80 miles to the next town and just left our son alone with his grandparents, My son has been tramatised repeatedly since he has been born. He has witnessed my abuse from his Father and towards himself. I left when he was 6. Then 3 years ago, I lost my job and my ex wanted to help me by becoming room mates and then it just turned into a relationship again. Of course it was a little bumpy, but not like it had been. I don't know how to end this horrible situation without casualties. We will have them no matter what, but which way do I go. I am trying to bring my son back from committing crimes and having such a bad attitude. He told me yesterday it was to get my attention,

Michelle - posted on 01/02/2014

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It sounds like they both need to get their issues under conrol. You can't do that for them.
Your ex husband needs to get off the drink!!!! It will only happen if he wants to though.
Your son need to be diagnosed properly, not "possibly" bi polar but he needs to have a diagnoses and get on medication.
If neither of them will get help then you really need to walk away. If they aren't willing to help themselves then no one help them.
Sorry but it's the truth with alcoholics. My ex husband is one and even after 2 failed long term relationships where he was told his drinking was the main problem he still drinks. You can't help people that don't want to be helped. It's not worth the effort.

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