Am I a bad mother?

Abby - posted on 09/02/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have an 8 month old daughter (almost 9 months), and it seems that I don't spend much time with her. I feed her in the morning, then put her in her play mat so I can get things done around the house. I always put her off on my parents and husband (when he's home). He works 2 jobs and still finds time to play with her, when all I do is give her toys to play with and hope that's enough. I also get very irritated when she does this high pitched yell when she gets fussy, and I will sometimes raise my voice. Sometimes when I see her sitting by herself, ill go over and play with her, because I don't want her to feel unwanted or alone or even unloved (by me)..what should I do?

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Jennie - posted on 09/04/2013

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In my experience, if you are worried enough to be asking "Am I a bad mom", then, you probably are not. Most "Bad Parents" don't care! :) I'm sure you are doing fine.

Kim - posted on 09/05/2013

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It can be hard for moms to bond with their children. It isn't a magical, instant thing like media likes to portray. When my kids get very clingy I too start feeling irritated. I suggest you try a quiet shushing instead of raising your voice, or you will reinforce her noise to get attention.

Debbie - posted on 09/05/2013

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Hey I feel the same and my little one is nearly 4 he is behind in his speech and social skills because all I'm bothered about is cleaning and ironing !!! I feel absolutely terrible what iv done :-(
It's not 2 late for you do your chores when little ones is napping spend time
With your little one its definitely worth it.
Your not a bad mum or you wouldn't have posted
Good luck

Tanya - posted on 09/03/2013

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Yeah, unfortunately since you live with them, they will always tell you what to do... my moms calls me daily and tells me what to do... I just say yes and do whatever I want.

I would try telling them how you feel.

By the way... the high pitched yell will always irritate you!!! LOL... I GO CRAZY... but just try to ignore it ;-)

One more thing I learned... tell your husband how much you appreciate and love him and how much of a great dad he is. It will put a smile on his face.

He has 2 jobs and still finds time, that's a great husband. Like mine!

Taylor - posted on 09/03/2013

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I have twin boys that are 9 months old.
It's definitely hard. If you seriously feel like you aren't being a good mother then you just need to take a deep breath and make time for her.
I totally understand that things need to be done around the house and it's almost impossible to do those things when there is a fussy baby but sometimes you just need to sit down and read a book with her, play with some toys, feed her, just do anything with her. It will help you feel better about how you are as a parent and you will have a stronger bond with her.

Both of my sons went through a phase where they just screamed all the time, happy, sad, excited... they let out this high pitched yell and trust me.. babies grow out of it.

but most importantly it is perfectly OK for your baby to be alone sometimes.
It's perfectly OK to let her play by herself while you clean, make dinner or do whatever needs to be done.

Just be patient.
Take extra time to make sure she knows you love her.

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Abby - posted on 09/03/2013

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Yeah but my parents are laid back, unlike my in-laws who constantly nag both of us to do what they want. The high pitched scream is only annoying because it makes my ears ring. I tell him that everyday :)

Abby - posted on 09/03/2013

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Tanya: thank you very much. My parents keep telling me what to do with her, not letting me experience it for myself which is also frustrating. Thank you!

Tanya - posted on 09/03/2013

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Your not a bad mom... it's hard. Very hard!

I was like you, but I read quotes from mothers whose children are much older than ours and decided that my baby is more important than housework, stress and everything else.

Now I don't think of anything else, I just spend time with her!

Just think of how much you love her...memorize her facial expressions, her body movements, her cute words... just everything!

I rock my baby to sleep, she touches my face, giggles and talks to me... that's my favorite alone time with her. Find a favorite activity that only you and her do together.

Abby - posted on 09/03/2013

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To Taylor: that advice was more than helpful. All I can think of is cleaning the house, chores, etc. I don't think I'm depressed, but definitely stressed. I'm still living with my parents, waiting for my husband to get into the airforce so we can get out of here. She's always happy to see her grandparents when they get home. She's always happy, sleeps 10 hours, very energetic. I don't understand how I don't spend enough time with her..
To Lana: I keep on telling myself to get out and exercise, but I don't have anyone to watch her and if I did it while she took a nap, I would be worried if something were to happen (talking about running around the block). A few friends tell me that it seems like its impossible for me to relax, but I try. thanks for the advice!

Lana - posted on 09/03/2013

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You sound overwhelmed. When you are over whelmed you tend to miss out on the small joys in life. Certain house chores can be put off till later. Cook meals large enough for leftover so you won't have to cook everyday. Make sure you get enough sunlight and drink plenty of water. The last and most important part of eliminating that over whelming feeling get out of the house and exercise!! You don't sound like a bad mother you sound over worked and exhausted. Try some of these suggestions and try reaching out to your partner, family member, or, friend for help. Once you've unwound see if you naturally take more interest in your baby girl. I was EXACTLY like that before my husband took me to the doctor. I was diagnosed with PPD. If you try relaxing a bit you can actually enjoy the little grins and giggles that you get from your baby. Hopefully you don't have PPD like I did. Since seeing the doctor and relaxing I have a TREMENDOUS interest in our baby and my family. Hope this helps and best wishes!

Mathandise - posted on 09/03/2013

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That's very true at Michelle.I don't want to miss this precious time and regret tomorrow good advice indeed thank you

Michelle - posted on 09/03/2013

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All I will say is the housework will be there tomorrow but your child will only be a baby for a very short time.
Do you want to look back on this time in her life and say: "I had a really clean house" or "I spent all the time I could with my child"?
There is no need to be Supermum, she doesn't exist!!!! A loving in touch Mother is a whole lot better than a spotless house!!

Mathandise - posted on 09/03/2013

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No you not a bad mother.Mine is the same age as yours and i also relate to your post not spending time with her.You are a good mother a very good one is just that we mothers find our selves over loaded with other stuff.Going to work coming back you have a lot to do preparing supper homework's and still we need to create time for the little once.However i will advice you to be patient with her .Don't raise your voice or she will feel unwanted.

Gena - posted on 09/02/2013

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I dont believe in raising your voice at a 8month old.. Maybe she just wants you to hug her or play with her.I dont think you are a bad mother but maybe you are a bit stressed? or even depressed? If you think you are try get help. You dont have to feel bad if you are depressed or if its all abit to much for you. Many mothers have this problem.But i think because you said you raise your voice at her is a sign that you are stressed. Do you ever play with her enjoying it? or do you just play because you feel you have to?Ask yourself these questions and talk to somebody about why etc.

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