am i a bad parent?

Carla - posted on 06/11/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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i have a 3 1/2 yr old daughter on june 28th shes being tested for autism whenever she has a temper my familys take on it is she needs a good spanking so needless to say we dont go around family that much tho i do keep in contact by phone or i go over when my daughter isnt with me she is starting to have bad tempers at daycare shes hitting an kicking kids/teachers she even punched a kid in the stomach an the daycare has been using the word "violent" all i can telll them is shes being tested on the 28th
when i go to stores with her i know i dont have time to look around i need to just get in/out an hopefully she wont have any tempers though i do try an leave her with ppl while i go to the store or i have someone come with me to just sit in the car with savannah cuz i dont wanna take her inside (im lucky when i can find someone to help with either)
ive never really had my familys support for anything i dont have many friends an they all wanna hang out until the tempers start an they leave(wish i could too sometimes)
im doing the best on my own when i tell ppl that i need help they ask why my mom says i had 5 kids an i did it without help why cant you?
so my daughter has a dr appt on monday an im gonna talk with him about her behavior my question to you all is am i a bad mom cuz im gonna tell him i need help an i cant wait until the 28th i know the 28th isnt that far off but it might as well be i cant deal with her temper any more what do i do?

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I see all over your post...every word...that you CARE...this BOTHERS you...that makes you a GOOD MOM! If you were a bad mom...you would be looking the other way when your child acted this way. You care...you worry...therefore you ARE a GOOD MOM!!!!!!!
Please don't let anyone tell you different.

I don't go in a store without already-paid-for bribes for my son. Right now he is hung up on Gummy Worms...so that's easy for me. If I can keep him busy with a gummy worm he doesn't have much else to encite a tantrum. I will even play with his gummy worms...stretching them out...flop it around and tickle his chin fat with it. I try to use the candy as a diversion.
Also...I don't take the cart down an aisle that I know he is going to fuss about. He doesn't go down the candy aisle...we skip it. We also stay clear of the toy department. I avoid situations that are clearly GOING to cause a problem. Like you, I don't waste time in the stores. Get it done, get out.
Don't try to go when she's sleepy. If it's naptime...wait it out. A sleepy cranky child in the store is a catastrophe waiting to happen.

I have an idea...try this one for me one time. Next time she reaches for something you have to say no-no to....
find another word besides NO. That word will make my son break down immediately. Instead of saying no....say it another way. "we can have candy after we eat all of our dinner." steer the child towards the kitchen counter and show her the pot bubbling on the stove.
"We will go outside as soon as it stops raining. See? Rain running down the glass. All the flowers are getting a bath"
I find that sometimes just that NO sound can start a tantrum with my little one. Find another word...use an explanation instead of barking NO.

When my son's whole world comes crashing down and he has no other recourse but to scream bloody murder...I go hug hum. Softly of course...but I don't let go. I let him work it out...I let him scream. When he starts to calm..I move us to the recliner so I can rock. I start playing with the buttons on my shirt...he's trying to learn to do buttons. He's also learning to count...so I might start counting my fingers...or counting the stripes on his shirt. I keep stickers in the drawer by my chair...sometimes a sticker stops the tantrum. Especially if HE gets to peel it from the page. Another diversion...a tickle. If he's starting to just FUSS...and there's really just NO reason....he's crying for me to GIVE him my cellphone..and that ain't happening....I will tickle him. I will poke him in the arm pit...or tweak his knees....anything I can reach to get a reaction. He goes immediately from whine..grunt...whine.... straight into laughter...and trying to brush me away.

You only have about two weeks left before you can talk to a doctor about this. He will help you rule out any medical reasons. Until then, try a few new techniques for how to END the tantrum. Tantrums are GOING to happen...all children have tantrums. The Mama-Magic comes in when YOU figure out how to END the tantrum.

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