am i a horrible person for disliking a child i have never met?

Katie - posted on 08/03/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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my boyfriend has a 3 year old son with his ex but his ex and son are in mexico.she left him before their kid was born.my boyfriend has never met him in person.i dont like his ex at all.she says stuff about me and my kids thats not true, and she doesnt even know us.i guess thats why i dont like her and the just the fact that thats my boyfriends ex.but it doesnt explain why i dont like his son.i dont want him to talk or txt his ex .and in a few years we might be going to mexico to visit family and i dont want him to go see them.i just think it will make things worse him meeting his kid because then when we come back to the united states he thats all hes going to be thinking and he will be sad just thinking about him because his son is not coming the u.s and we probly wont be going back to mexico.im just trying to pretect him from pain and suffering.am i a horrible person for this?

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Marvel - posted on 08/06/2012

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can you try to think of the little guy as that? A little one you want to protect and want the best for? Sometimes just reframing how we think can help. Best wishes to you.

Marvel - posted on 08/03/2012

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I think it is natural for you to be jealous of and /or irritated with your boyfriend's x. However, based on what you have said I doubt that you are trying to protect him from missing his little boy. I wonder if you are afraid that if he sees his child that he will leave you to stay with his child?

How secure is your relationship? I think you may need to deal with this issue first. If your relationship is strong then the two of you can go and visit his son together or pick him up together so that you boyfriend can spend some time alone with his son etc.

Next, try and imagine how you would feel if you knew you had a child out there and longed to see him, the joy of seeing your child would be worth that later pain of missing him.

Or, how you would feel if your father never took the time to get to know you, tell you you were valuable, stop to see you when he was close enough?

Every child deserves a father who will invest in them and I would not date a man who would not invest in his own child.

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Katie - posted on 08/06/2012

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i dont know.i dont think he would leave me we have 2 children together.i just dont know how to take it

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