Am I a monster mom?

Janna - posted on 02/05/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Who knew.... one desperate Google search and I'm suddenly not alone in my battles!

My 15 year old daughter is completely rude, disrespectful, lazy, argumentative, etc....
My husband does nothing to help me when the situation spirals out of control, he basically runs next door until he thinks we've had enough time to exhaust ourselves or kill each other.

She has humiliated us publicly so many times I don't even want to take her anywhere anymore. I doesn't matter if it's friends, family, or the cashier at WalMart, She thinks it is her job to inform everyone of her opinions of their clothing, appearance, and/or parenting skills no matter when or where.

It doesn't matter what I do/buy/cook it's always horribly wrong and I'm a failure according to her. A person can only take so much. She wonders why she doesn't have many friends and the ones she does have don't hang around for very long. She's just not a nice person, but she thinks she's completely normal and everyone else has issues.

Our day starts with her opening her bedroom door and ripping in to me for some inadequacy that's apparently kept her awake all night. But it's not her fault - I asked for it. "Some people just weren't meant to be a Mom." If I try to have a decent conversation she accuses me of trying to "bond" and tells me not to waste my time.

We tried to get her into therapy 3 times from age 4 until now, they even came to our house for "family exercises", and nothing. Have you ever been asked not to bring your child back for therapy? I have.

I feel like I'm losing my mind and am completely alone.

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Jodi - posted on 02/05/2014

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Well, it's none of her grandparents' business. They can't give her the stuff back. However, your husband needs to get on the same page.

Or alternatively, can you find somewhere else to go for a few weeks? Let him deal with it on his own.

With regard to CPS and the food.....it's not the food you are not allowing her to have. It's your cooking. It is NOT your job to cook for her. She is old enough to find a way to feed herself from the available food. Sorry, but I'd call her bluff.

Jodi - posted on 02/05/2014

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Stop taking her anywhere, stop cooking for her, take all her stuff out of her bedroom you paid for (and then tell her to complain about how she can't sleep, I dare you), stop doing anything for her. Honestly, she is sounding like an entitled little brat. I would strip her life of anything that isn't a necessity and let her live like that for a while. Stop washing her clothes, stop running around after her, stop everything and tell her if she knows it all, it's all hers. That's what I'd do.

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Janna - posted on 02/05/2014

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I've done that, then her grandparents (who live next door) get involved. Needless to say it's not pretty. I took (dragged) her over there once and told them if they wanted to ensure their granddaughter survived until adulthood they should keep her for a few days. I went back home and gutted her room, down to nothing but a bed frame and mattress. After a couple of days she begged me to let her come home. She returned to find her room bare, and learned she would have to earned everything back, one item at a time. Her Dad and grandparents caved and gave it all back.

I'm always the only "bad guy". Everyone else smells like roses.

I refused to make her a different meal from the one I had already make for supper one night, and the next day she went to the school guidance counselor and told her we had no food in the house and I refused to cook. I was neglecting her and letting her starve. Thank goodness they called me BEFORE they called CPS or it would've been a complete disaster!

Every time I take a stand, my support system crumbles. I've told my husband to quit doing what's easy, and start doing what's right. He "doesn't like conflict".

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