Am I being overly sensitive?

Heather - posted on 01/06/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married a little over 6. We have two beautiful girls, a 3.5yr old, and a 19 month old. I feel like our marriage is pretty strong, we work as a team, support each others interests/passions, and make it a priority to have (fairly) regular date nights. Here's my issue- my husband has a female friend that he's known since high school (they graduated more than 20 yrs ago) who got divorced almost 2 yrs ago from a total jerk and had a messy break up with a guy this last summer who was also not a good guy. Over the last 6 months my husband has hung out with her maybe 4 times (usually a dinner and glass of wine, with both our kids present - she has 3 of her own) sometimes at her home or ours when I have been at work (I work 10a-10p 3 days a week.) My husband has NEVER done anything to make me not trust him, this woman I actually really like but not sure I trust her. A couple months ago when my husband was at her house with our kids having dinner he called me at work to touch base. I let him know when I got home that night that it had been bothering me that they were hanging out only (it seems) on evenings that I'm at work. I told him I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to be hanging out alone with a single (very attractive I might add) woman, regardless of kids being there. I also said it was disrespectful for his friend to be asking another person's husband to hang out without his wife. I would NEVER hang out with a single guy friend alone while my husband is away. My husband assured me that he doesn't think of his friend in anyway but just a friend and that she's going through a hard time and needs someone to talk to. He also said he respected my feelings and would not continue to spend time with her when I am not there. Well, last night he called me at work and said his friend happened to be in the area of our home and was going to stop by with some dinner. I reminded him via text that I have told him how this makes me feel and that it's not appropriate. He apologized and said it was spur of the moment. I have never felt insecure about our relationship, my heart tells me that there's nothing to worry about (on his part,) but this whole thing has me close to tears. Of course I was awake all night thinking about it and I'm working the next 2 days so I can't really have a conversation with him... Am I being crazy overly sensitive??


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Arielle - posted on 01/06/2014




i think u have every right to feel the way u do I know I wouldn't be happy about it just keep expressing to him how it makes u feel im sure he loves u and maybe u guise can come to a agreement to hang out with this lady on ur days off so she still has friends to talk to but isn't alone with your DH

[deleted account]

I agree with you that it's not appropriate for a married man to be spending time with a single woman without his wife present. And she should not be relying on a married man to be her confidant, shoulder to cry on, emotional support of any kind. I'm sure some will disagree with me, but I'm sorry, that's how affairs start. Not saying that it definitely WILL develop into an affair, but most affairs are not started by two people LOOKING to have an starts with friendship. Why even risk the stability of the marriage? If the friendship with this woman is important to him, he should invite her to spend time only with the both of you together. Aside from that, I feel this whole situation goes beyond that issue alone at this point, because now you have openly expressed that you are uncomfortable with it and he went ahead and did it again after agreeing not to. Even if there is nothing going on, if you're that uncomfortable with it your DH should respect that. I don't care if it's a "spur of the moment" kind of thing, he could have said "I really can't tonight, I'm sorry" if for no other reason than to honor his word to you, his wife. Again, even if there is absolutely, beyond the shadow of a doubt, NOTHING going on, it would upset me immensely if my husband pulled something like that because it shows a blatant disregard for your feelings and THAT is not ok in a marriage, in my opinion. Bottom line: his wife's feelings should come before a friend.

Cmoline32 - posted on 01/06/2014




It sounds like you have a strong, loving relationship with your husband. I think you just need to continue to communicate your feelings and concerns about this friend. If it makes you uncomfortable, then he needs to respect that and not allow her to come over or go to her place when you aren't present. If this was happening with my husband, I wouldn't like it either! Hope things get worked out so that you feel more at ease about the situation.

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