Am I being Selfish?

Melissa - posted on 01/24/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am a mom to two little boys ages 7 and 6. In 2013 I got remarried and up and moved my boys and I 200 miles away from my family and friends. I love my husband very much and his 2 kids but I am home sick and my children miss their grandparents and cousins and other family. We come back every 2 weeks for them to see their real father, but I feel like I am being selfish. The thought of leaving my husband makes me tear up but seeing my kids not happy is even worse. I am at a loss on what I should do. Should I stay where we are or should I move back home where my kids will be the happiest? Please no negative responses, I am just a mom who is looking for answers.

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Michelle - posted on 01/25/2015

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Well you chose to marry someone who lived so far away.
Is this about you or your children?
Like I said, why can't you move closer to your family (half way between) and your husband commute?
You need to decide if your husband or family take priority. Are you going to stay with your husband and work things out (and stop pining for your family) or are you going to leave your husband just to be near your family?
I lived in 2 different countries for 3 years and used it as an adventure. My husband has moved to the other side of the world from his family and has only seen his parents twice in 7 years!. Your life is what you make it. Luckily my husband loves me enough to put his family aside and be with us. We make do with phone calls and Skype. My Father also lives on the other side of the world and he usually comes here every 2-3 years! So think about 2 hours compared to 24+ hours of travel (and $2000 each) and see how hard done by you are.

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Dove - posted on 01/25/2015

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Of course they miss what they are used to.... they are kids. If they still have their normal visitations w/ their father and they still see the other family every 2 weeks... that is a lot more than many kids.

I think you have to ask yourself the question on what YOU want... your husband or your birth family? The kids can and will adjust if YOU are confident in your decision and you help them through it by pointing out all the positives of where you are and the fact that they still see their relatives on a very regular basis. Heck, my son misses his cousins. We used to be able to see them practically every day and now we only see them a few times/year. He's not pining for them though... because he has other friends and a life w/out them as well.

Melissa - posted on 01/24/2015

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He has a very stable job that he has worked at for 11 years. My boys see their dad the same amount they did when we lived closer, which was every other weekend. They love their grandma and grandpa and talk about how much they miss them and I know they do and they get to see them every other weekend but am I being selfish with them only seeing them then?

Michelle - posted on 01/24/2015

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Why can't your husband move to where you're from? Or maybe live in the middle so it's not so far for you to travel?

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