Am I being too over protective

Becky - posted on 07/21/2012 ( 34 moms have responded )

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I have a four year old and am terrified about sending him off to any form of daycare. He's a very friendly little chap and thinks everyone is his best friend and this worries me. At the playground the other day four older children started to make fun of him until i warned them off but he didnt understand, he thinks everyone is his friend.
Also on the news we hear or read about pedafiles and often it's only after its too late how can I really be sure that any daycare I send him too is a safe one. Or am I just being paranoid I never had to send my older child to daycare.

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Jinah - posted on 07/23/2012

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Yes you are being overprotective and it is ok but you can't let it paralyze you. There are many great daycare providers and preschools and yes there are some not so great ones. Do your homework, investigate thoroughly, prepare your child and move forward. It is not easy... Good luck

Taylor - posted on 07/21/2012

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Brit what day cares have you been too? Because the one we use for our stepson has 5 full time employees working there for the 25 or so kids they have. I've never seen or heard of a day care with 1 person there alone.

Lauren - posted on 07/25/2012

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i'm sorry but i just had to say something to all of you posters who are knocking daycares. an accredited licensed daycare is regulated by the state its not a bunch of children of all ages in one room. also, there are not 20 kids to 1 teacher...unless you are talking about school because when i was in school i was never in a class of under 22-23 kids. I have worked a multiple daycares and none of teh children taught or 'raised' the other children. maybe you need to do a TON more research before you just start talking about what you don't know about. And to the OP, my 4 yr old starts pre-k in 7 days and while i am sooo excited i am sooo nervous about it too he has never been away from me like that but it will be good for your child to be in a setting with other children his age away from you it will give him independence. And if you do send him to daycare find a licensed one regulated by the state. They have to do background checks before they hire anyone and here in my state if you have a jaywalking charge you wouldn't be able to work in a daycare. They are strict about who they hire and how they go about it.

Sally - posted on 07/23/2012

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Why do you want to send him to day care? If you have to work, just do the best you can to find a good one and check in when they're not expecting you. If you do have a choice, it's much healthier for him to stay with you anyway.

Tiffany - posted on 07/23/2012

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I put my son in head start when he was 3 then pre k when he was 4. He did fine but then when he went to kindergarten at 5 i learned that he was bullied by the whole class the entire yr. His teacher didn't do anything about it and just let it happen. I was very angry that i wasn't told and that nothing was done about it. But i saw it with own eyes. I know how you feel i don't trust daycare centers either. My sis in law worked at one last yr and my grandmother used to own one. I almost put my son into a rocking horse day care down the road from us until i saw 1 woman tending 13 babies under 6months alone and she dropped one into the crib and walked out the door while the babies were crying.. You have to pack your kids stuff that he will need and if another kid runs out of something they use other kids stuff. But try a head start. They separate the kids by age and they also teach them stuff they will need to know for kindergarten. And they have about 15-20 kids in a class with 2 teachers and parent volunteer helpers. Head start also lets you check in on your child if you feel nervous to see they are fine.. I don't think your paranoid just a concerned mother.

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Alexandra - posted on 09/22/2012

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I don't know where you live, here at 4 years old is recommended to go to Preschool several days a week.

You should seak to other mommies and see where they send their children. You must let your child go, otherwise when school comes you will have a very hard time. And that is just next year, right?

Find a place with people that you trust and give your child a little freedom.

Jeannie - posted on 07/30/2012

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Having worked in a federally funded, cream of the crop day care center, I made the decision NEVER to put my children in daycare. Your instincts are correct. Find a small play group , one that has plenty of fun things to do , and plenty of parental oversite. He shouldn''t have to become a cinic at age 4. You are not overprotective. Children are being taken from their beds asleep. Don't live in fear, as you don't want him to pick up on your emotions. Just be smart.

Jacquelyn - posted on 07/29/2012

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I know exactly how you feel - I have a grand-daughter that is almost 3 and is the same way - too trusting and too friendly - she knows no strangers. I would research the day care providers in your area and even ask for references from other parents she does day care for. I was always accused of being to protective of my children, then my grand-children; however, I agree with you. I heard on the news of one day care owner that was accused of drugging children. It really makes you wonder what the world is coming to in this day and age. We have an EXCELLENT day care provider in our town - she is licensed, has taken CPR and 1st aid training and if I were you, I would check on her credentials before making a decision.

Vonnie - posted on 07/29/2012

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Before you send him to daycare, get references from previous clients of the particular daycare. Find out if it is open for you to "drop in" at anytime. Find out why the former clients children no longer attend? Did they move, the child went onto regular school, or other reasons. If you are restricted from "dropping in" unannouced then look elsewhere. Do a background on each of the workers.

Annabelle - posted on 07/26/2012

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Thoroughly check out the centers in your area, including home child care. It is great that he is SO social and friendly, but you can start teaching about strangers now and in preschool he will begin to learn his phone number and address too. All 5 of my kids are over age 9 but I still worry about these same things, but in a year he'll be off to kindergarten and on his own so I would start preparing him now slowly but surely! :)

Whitney - posted on 07/24/2012

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Start off small. I started by sending my daughter for a few hours a day. She now goes to a learning center and they seperate the kids by age and she loves it there. Research the school. My daughter goes to the Goddard school and will be transferring to a smaller one. But its very good for the child to be around kids their age. My daughters changed so much since daycare (for the better).

Joanne - posted on 07/24/2012

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Like everyone has said not all daycares are the same. Before I sent my daughter off to daycare I took her to 4 different ones and talked with the director of the daycare. I needed to have someone look after her after school on the days I worked late. They picked her up from school when she was in jr. kidergarten (she was 4) until I picked her up to go home. She loved it there. She made so many friends.
Call around and visit centres with your son and talk to the person who is running the daycare. Choose the one is right for him and you. When you drop him off no long goodbyes. He'll cry the first few times, but that's normal. Usually sending the child off to daycare/school is harder on the mom than the child. I creid the first time I dropped my son off in preschool.

Joyce - posted on 07/24/2012

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Look for a montessori school program, they are wonderful and will provide the environment you seek. Being protective is natural and necessary, but remember your job as a parent is to raise an independent person capable of taking charge of their own life. It starts in small ways and builds slowly. Don't raise a child that goes off to college and goes crazy because it is their first tasted of freedom. Let them make mistakes and take chances while you are still in the background ready to help IF necessary.

Lacye - posted on 07/23/2012

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I have skimmed over some of the other posts and I'm going to tell you something that my aunt told me (she and her daughter both work at a daycare and my aunt was the manager there).

1. You are being a little over protective. Being protective of your child is great, like in the case of the older children making fun of him, but you have to draw the line somewhere. It will be hard for your son to learn that sometimes not everybody is your friend if you shield him from everything. It's a life lesson he has to learn for himself.

2. Day cares have to run a background check on every single employee to make sure none of them are pedophiles. My aunt had one woman come in to apply for a job there but while she was not a pedophile and had a clean record, her husband did not. They would not hire her because her husband was a registered sex offender. My aunt told me this because I later met the woman and became friends with her without knowing this about her husband (I have a small daughter and that was the only reason why she told me.)

3. It's great to shop around for day cares. Get as much information you can about them. What kind of education do they provide for the children, if any. What kind of programs do they offer. How many children will be in the same room (which in Mississippi you have to have 1 adult to every 10 children in a class). Even ask what kind of snacks do they feed the kids. Look around at the facility and see what their play areas look like. Is the day care clean. Is the outside play area clean.

It's great to ask questions and get as much information as you can about day cares you plan on putting your child in. Just make sure you know the right questions to ask and you will find the perfect day care or preschool for you and your sweet baby!

Alexis - posted on 07/23/2012

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How do you plan to send him to school? Its good to be on your toes and to look after your little one, but if you have to put him in daycare do your research and check in periodically unannounced. Its great your little guy is friendly, and daycare may help that even more. He would be with kids his age and be able to build social skills. I know my heart breaks when I take my 3 year old to the park and he wants to play with his 'friends' but since most of the time they are older they want nothing to do with him. I know you will figure it out, and you will never feel completely at ease, at least I don't I just have to fight it so I can give my lil guy the space to grow.

Julie - posted on 07/23/2012

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Brittany, I am not sure where you live. In the state I live in, there are licensing laws for both centers and home day cares, one being the ratio of how many children you can have enrolled to each adult. Before I had my own children, I worked in day cares where most of the lead teachers had degrees in Early Childhood Development. My class of 4 year olds had a limit of 10 children. The younger the children, the smaller the class size. The most important thing is to visit different day cares and learn about their programs. (As well as make sure they are licensed.)

Valeria - posted on 07/23/2012

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Do you HAVE to send him to daycare? If not, keep him home with you, there's nothing wrong with that. If this is something you must consider because you have to work, then the only way to alleviate your fears is to educate yourself. Visit local daycares, take tours, ask lots of questions, ask for referrals, and trust your gut. Danger is everywhere, but that doesn't mean all daycares are bad. I love my son's daycare, but I did a lot of searching before I felt like I'd found the right one. There is a difference between paranoia and wanting what is best for your child.

Dove - posted on 07/23/2012

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One adult to 20 2 year olds is illegal anywhere I've ever been. One TEACHER, maybe, but they have to have aides. Over here... one person can be with 12 3-4 year olds without an aide, but no more. The regulations are stricter for under 3.....

Deborah - posted on 07/23/2012

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oh - and as far as over protective - you know your kids best. As long as you are willing to do what is best for your child don't worry about over or under protective. There are many families that choose to never utilize childcare and choose to homeschool when the time comes because it is what is best for their child. You find other ways to socialize your kids to the level that feels right. Find a mom's group and a library group and whatever you need and use the local parents to bounce your feelings off of. Don't beat yourself up over whether something makes you over or under protective, but do aim to do what is best for your little ones at the time that is best for them according to your time, ability and life circumstances.

Deborah - posted on 07/23/2012

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there should be a rating system for daycares and preschools. Unfortunatly, my experience is that there is little difference between these 2 options for childcare. Also, search the internet. I never remember the site, but my state (NC) has a site showing ALL forms of childcare and their locations and ratings. This was amazing for finding childcare. But regardless of state, there is a process for legally becoming a childcare provider and a rating system for whether you are following the basics or have excelled in your facilities, classes, teacher to child ratios etc. Do some research, ask other moms and when you visit, look for the accrediting notices which by law must be displayed (again at least, in NC) .

Kelsey - posted on 07/23/2012

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It's better to be to over protective then not at all.. Every parent is different do what you feel is right

Beth - posted on 07/23/2012

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I had a hard time sending my son to preschool at 2 1/2, but I knew it was just my anxiety getting the better of me. The reality is that him having an encounter with a pedophile is highly unlikely, even though the news would have you think otherwise. You can take tours of different daycare facilities, and get a feel for each place, the people that work there and the day-to-day operations. If you get a bad feeling about a place, just trust your gut. A mother's intuition is a powerful thing. Chances are you will find a place that you feel good about, and you'll want to send him to. And you should, socialization at a young age is important for them and good for them, and will be good preparation for school.

As for getting made fun of by other kids, I know it sucks to see or hear about. This recently happened to my very outgoing and friendly 4 year old, and for a week he talked about "everyone will laugh at me" for wearing a certain shirt or bringing a certain toy out of the house, etc. But the fact is, there are kids out there that are going to be bullies, and it's bound to happen to our kids at some point in their lives. Just make it a learning experience. It sucks that the world has to beat our sweeties' spirits like that, but we've all survived it, and our kids will too. Tune into his behaviors, talk to him about his day, and you will know if he's being harmfully bullied.

It's rough, but we have to send them out into the world eventually. Daycare or preschool is a great first step for parents and kids.

MeMe---(Past And Present) - posted on 07/23/2012

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Yep, over protective I would have to say.



I have a 13.5 year old and a 21 month old and another on the way. I have utilized Daycare's for the past 11 years. I have had nothing but awesome experiences and both my children, too.



My daughter loved daycare and learnt a lot there.



My son, jumps up and down in anticipation each morning when I mention, it is time to go to Daycare. He has so much fun there. He has made a ton of friends and the teachers are absolutely wonderful!



Sure, there are shitty Daycare's out there but a part of a parents job is to screen them. You must ask for references, check the place out with and without an appointment. Get their schedule and make sure they are following it. I check everyday, what the snacks and lunches are, to ensure I know what my little man is eating. The great thing about Canada, is that ALL licensed Daycare's are monitored by Social Services and they must ALL do exactly as they are told. Even the food must be homemade and cannot contain any form of processed foods (including meats).



I have never had an issue with any of the Daycare's I have used. Mostly because I invested the time to check them out completely and to always follow up, randomly, without their knowledge.



Here, there must be one teacher to every four 18 month and under. One teacher for every six 18month - 3 years. One teacher for every eight 3 years - 5. I have never ever heard of one teacher for 20+ kids in a Daycare. I would say that is illegal and is NOT a licensed Daycare.



Daycare's teach a lot to a child. The teachers are trained in early childhood development, they are trained to help your child develop. They are trained in first aid, too. There is always more than one teacher in an establishment and I have never heard of a child being molested in a Daycare! This would be a very slim chance and could happen anywhere because the world has weirdo's. You just need to be fully aware of who your kids are around. Develop a relationship with the carer.

Deanna - posted on 07/23/2012

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This sounds a bit overprotective. Day cares are supposed to be safe places for your child. There are regulations at the day cares to protect your child. You can call BBB about the daycare, look into any issues with the government. You can do this to feel better about it. You can also ask to sit with them for a couple hours.

Jodi - posted on 07/22/2012

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I have to agree with Taylor, my only experience of daycare has been within the laws of Australia, and that doesn't include 1 adult caring for 25 children. The ratio (at least I think this is still current) here is 1 adult per 10 children for this age group, then they have 2 adults for about 25 children at preschool, and 1 teacher per 20-25 at school. Those ratios you mentioned suck and shouldn't even be legal.

I have to say, Becky, daycares can be good or bad, and it depends on where you send them. I have always checked out several centres before placing my kids with any of them. I have always turned up unannounced to have a look through (never ring and book an appointment - this then gives you the opportunity to see it as it *really* is.). Make sure you meet the carers AND the centre director, and ask to see all the facilities.

Both my kids have, at times, been in daycare, and I have dealt with 4 different centres, and I have never had an issue.

[deleted account]

Definitely over protective. Paedophiles are not as rampant as some seem to think they are. Yes, they are out there but highly unlikely to be found in your local day care centre. Your son will need to be with other children at some point, you can't keep him by your side for ever (and I'm sure you know this in your logical mind) and letting him be with other children is good for his social development. All little kids think everyone is their friend, your son is not unique there and the way for him to learn how to figure out which people are his friends and which people aren't is to socialise him. We learn from experience, kids are no exception.

Stifler's - posted on 07/22/2012

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It's daycare I don't expect education. I think you are being paranoid your kid will learn that not everyone is his friend, that's part of life.

[deleted account]

The ones my mom has worked at the kids were split up by age, starting at age 2 there was 1 teacher for 20-25 children up until school age where there where 30 kids and 1 teacher. The 1 year old were split up by walkers and crawlers and had 2 teachers (one with walkers and one with crawlers), that room had at least 20 children. The baby room had around 10 babies with 2 teachers.

[deleted account]

I don't like daycares, they change children. It is essentially children raising children. There is no way on adult can properly take care of 20+ children. There is little if any education.

Instead you may want to look into a preschool where they go for maybe 4 hours and just for the education. Although you'll most likely still notice an attitude change, it wont be as severe, and at least he'll be learning something.

Cherish - posted on 07/21/2012

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Hi,
I think you are worrying a tiny bit too much.
Your son can talk and tell you if a adult did anything wrong or mean.
You can find a pre-school program or you can run a background check and ask for references,or you can find a day care center where there is always at least 2 adults at all times watching the children.
Thankfully pedophiles are the exception,not the rule

Dove - posted on 07/21/2012

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I do think you are being a bit paranoid. I never had a reason to send my kids to daycare, so they never went. They have all started preschool at 3-3.5 though. I spent a day at the potential preschool with my daughter because I too was paranoid about starting her at so young. It was a great little class with only 10 kids and 2 teachers, but I was still nervous. When it was playground time my daughter got hurt and ran right to one of the teachers for help. That was the moment when I knew she would be fine.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/21/2012

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Maybe think about sending him to more of a scholastic setting such as prek. This way, there is more control, teachers over just day care providers (teachers imo deal with the children with more profession and do not tolerate bullying) plus it is more of an intimate setting opposed to just a whole bunch of kids of all ages in one room. Also, he will be learning and preparing for kinder.

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