Am I being unreasonable?

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

How do you know when to cut loose or unreasonable? I love my DH with all my heart and always will. However, he put our family in jeopardy 2 yrs ago and ended up lucky to have 10yrs probation. Then a yr ago he moves his idiot friend in our basement while I am at work. I worked night shift 12hrs at a time. I thought the idiot was only here on M-W for their school nights. MY KIDS tell me DH had moved him in the basement! Over a year later and that idiot is still here. I never wanted him here and yet no matter how many times I try to talk to DH about getting him out he refuses. Idiot has been gone for 3 weeks to a friends and I talked to DH yet again last night about what was going on with idiot and when he was getting his stuff out. DH said he wasn't. That idiot was staying.

hmm..Oh. I didn't mention this either. Last Thanksgiving I told DH that idiot has to be gone by the 1st week of October (this yr.) or I would take the kids and leave. Am I asking to much? Should I just drop it and deal with this person invading my home whenever he wants. He is a bad influence on my kids and DH. He comes and goes whenever he wants at all hours, as well as the fact that I have to tell him to shower half the time because he stinks from NOT bathing! We bath everyday not once a week! Really, where do you draw the line?

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Firebird - posted on 01/10/2011

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By giving until Oct. 2011 to get rid of the roommate, you're further making yourself a doormat. And chances are you'll be talked out of it by then. No one's going to take a threat with such a long time limit seriously. I'd give 2 months tops, and that's me being really, really nice.

Krista - posted on 01/10/2011

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I agree with Joanna. He has shown absolutely NO respect for you. First, he put your family in jeopardy (and it must have been pretty serious in order to get 10 years probation!) He should have been kissing your ass for standing by him. Instead, he moved someone into your HOME, behind your back, without so much as a by-your-leave. I would have been FURIOUS.

I also agree with two-parent households, but not if your kids are being made to live with a bad influence, and not if your kids are seeing how their father can treat their mom with such disrespect and get away with it.

The heck with leaving. I'd bag up DH's stuff AND idiot's stuff and biff it all out at the end of the driveway.

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2011

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Is this guy paying rent? You best check your local laws about putting someone out on the street, how much notice you need to give. If you havent given notice in writting and both partys signed it, you cant just get rid of the "idiot" lease or not. If he decides not to sign it, you will then have to take him to court to have him removed from your home. Because he has lived at your house for over a year, he is a tenant, even if he doesnt pay rent.



Hes not much of an idiot now is he? LOL (Sorry I shouldnt laff its a pain in the ass to get rid of tenants, roomates, once they move in).

[deleted account]

Alright, I am taking most everyone's advice in some form or another. :) I am open to other ideas so feel free to keep them coming. However, I just gave DH the notice. The idiot will be out by April 1st or he will have to choose between him or us girls. If he chooses us girls, great! If he chooses that idiot I will call the police and have him removed from the home and then call his mother.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

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If the husband has allowed this then no he hasn't done anything wrong. Were guidelines set when he moved in? Was a curfew set when he moved in? As an adult living somewhere I would come and go as I pleased as well. A lot of people don't shower more than one a week, my son can not shower more than twice a week in the winter due to severe skin issues that doesn't make him an idiot. No no one deserves to be demeaned.

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Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

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Actually the law is if he pursued it even though there is no least he is legally staying there that is his legal address and if this were to get ugly and go through legal channels you would need to file eviction papers as if he was a tenant in a rental property.

Bonnie - posted on 01/10/2011

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First of all, your husband should have talked with you first before taking in his friend. Obviously he knew what your reaction would be so he went against you and said okay to him. That is a lack of respect towards you. Not only that, but your household should consist of you, your husband, and your children, not some you sound like you despise. Just my opinion, but even April is too long to give the guy to leave. I would have said a week, two weeks at the most. When you rent a place from a landlord, you get less than 3 months notice and you both are not landlords.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

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But does he was he directly ever told he was no longer welcome?? The husband told him he could stay as long as he wanted, so how does that make him an idiot exactly Jackie?? Does he know he is waking the family, has he actually been informed of any of this??

Tracy - posted on 01/10/2011

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With all due respect, by not following thru with your threat of walking out you're words became idle. What is going to motivate your husband to take you seriously if you are so easily talked out of things and manipulated into keeping the status quo? Sure, kids tend to do well in 2 parent homes, but not if there is a negative influence involved. Joanna's being nice, I'd tell the hub to get the dude's stuff out by this weekend, or you and the kids will be gone instead. And stick to it. But, I'm not nice. I was a doormat for a long time, I got sick of it.

Jackie - posted on 01/10/2011

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Yes Sherri, but would you live in a place where you knew your presents was not welcome and then furthermore making your presents that much more intolerable by stinking up their family home and waking members of the family in the middle of the night? Idiot, JMO

Jackie - posted on 01/10/2011

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"I don't like the name calling either everybody deserves to be respected. You should use his name not idiot. He hasn't done anything wrong here"

Well how do yo know he hasn't done anything wrong? And how do you know he's not an idiot? If he bathes once a week and is perfectly comfortable coming and going at any time he pleases with no regard to the family or how the wife feels about then I would say yes... he's an idiot.

Most people would know when they've over stayed their welcome and take it upon themselves to leave with out having to be told.

[deleted account]

Actually my threats aren't "idle". I told DH that this October (2011) I would take the kids and leave. However, I do also agree that I don't see any respect for me, from him. I wholeheartedly believe that children need two parent families/homes so I tend to take more just for that reason. Trust me I had one foot out the door on the probation thing. He is just now STARTING to gain my trust back from that one.
I am considering just bagging all of the idiots stuff up and putting it on the front porch tell him trash is is 2 days get it before they do.

Tracy - posted on 01/10/2011

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Your husband's lack of respect for you far outweighs a houseguest that has overstayed his welcome. Either boot them both, or pack up the kids and leave. you've shown no real action that you'll back up your words. Why SHOULD your husband respect you or take your idle threats seriously?

JuLeah - posted on 01/10/2011

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What role are you playing in all of this? If you don't draw a line you can't get mad at folks for crossing it. If you set a boundary, you can't really get mad when folks invade. Your house guest is not the problem.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

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The house guest isn't the problem your husband is. I would boot both their asses out. I don't like the name calling either everybody deserves to be respected. You should use his name not idiot. He hasn't done anything wrong here.

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2011

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I would have drawn the line at the 10 years probation....honestly, he has to have done something pretty messed up to get that. I'd also be putting my foot down about the house guest. Me or him. DH isn't taking your very seriously is he? Where is *his* respect?

Firebird - posted on 01/10/2011

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OK so he moves his friend in without talking to you about it first, and you find it out from your kids? What an asshole. That is unacceptable, and you are not over reacting. You're being a lot more lenient than I would be.

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