Raye - posted on 10/08/2014 ( 17 moms have responded )
I am a stepmom with no kids of my own. I love my step kids, and I don't have a problem having them home when their mom cancels her visitation days. But, I get so upset with my husband when he doesn't tell me about schedule changes. If I have been looking forward to an evening alone with him, and I get home from work and the kids are there, I feel blindsided. We text several times during the day, and I don't see why it would be hard for him to send a quick note saying the kids will be home so I know what to expect when I walk in the door.
It's not just the kids schedules that he doesn't communicate with me. For example: He had planned on attending a funeral and didn't tell me we were going until 2 hours before (I know he talked to his ex about it 4 days before). We were supposed to go to an event with his parents, for which they had the tickets for weeks, and he didn't tell me about it at all. His mom told me the night before. It's these kinds of things that drive me crazy, because I think it would be simple for him to mention these plans to me. It would avoid him hurting my feelings, and make it so I'm not always rearranging my plans at the last minute and putting aside my wants to accommodate him and his family.
I understand that sometimes people forget. I also understand that schedules can change at the last minute, especially with kids, and that's okay too. But, I'm talking about the times when he knows in advance and chooses not to tell me. We're supposed to be partners and I think it's disrespectful of him to wait til the last second for me to find out what's going on. This is really the only thing we fight about on a regular basis. I've talked to him about how important it is to me for him to keep me in the loop, and he doesn't even seem to be trying.
What can I say/do differently to make him understand? Or should I just try to deal with the (avoidable) chaos?