Am I crossing the stepmother boundary?

Brittany - posted on 04/03/2013 ( 60 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for quite some time now and from two or three months into our relationship his son(18 months old at the time) has called me mummy. At first it was strange as it was new to me having a new boyfriend and a new son aswell but now I love it and so does my boyfriend. The only problem is that my boyfriends family can't stand it. Every time he calls me mummy they quickly correct him ("no! That's Brittany!") and he is quite insistent that I am mummy and not Brittany.

Others have also noticed how quick they are to correct him when he says it and have approached me about it. These constant corrections are driving my boyfriend and I crazy, we feel he should call me whatever he feels comfortable with.

Any advice for me please!?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/05/2013

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Have your boyfriend sit down and talk with the family. I mean if you are planning on staying in the picture and are getting married (you keep writing boyfriend) then no biggy. It is a big deal though if you have only been together a short time, and things are not moving forward. I would not want the child to get attached to you and get heartbroken when you leave.

Deanna - posted on 04/05/2013

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Your boyfriend has to take the time to explain to his family that he calls you Mommy because that is what he chose to call you and they need to stop correcting him. And to stay firm. If they continue, he will have to patiently correct them and say "No, Brittany is called Mommy. Please stop confusing my son".

Kristi - posted on 04/04/2013

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They are probably just being over protective as I am assuming, by your lack of mentioning, bio mom is not in the main picture. They probably just don't want to see their grandson get too attached to "Brittany" if there is no sign (in their eyes) that you're, in fact, going to be "mummy."

That being said, it is up to your boyfriend and his son, then you, as to what is ok for his son to call you. If his son is calling you mummy all on his own, without any prompting from you or your boyfriend, then that is how he sees you. Calling you mummy makes him comfortable and it makes sense to him.

He is obviously innocent in this. Meaning he is not calling you mummy to fit in with step-siblings, he is not doing it to please either one of you, he is not trying to piss anyone off. He wasn't coerced. He was/is too young to be manipulative. His feelings and his desire to call you mum are pure and genuine. ♥

The two of you, together, need to have a sit down with both of his parents and politely but firmly tell them, his/your son chose to call you mummy. (talking to them together shows unity and mutual respect between you and your boyfriend. it is important for his parents to see that you are a team and that you don't need your BF to do your bidding for you) Nobody asked or told him to call you mummy. Explain how serious your relationship is and remind them that (duh!) nobody is going to do anything that would hurt the little boy. BF needs to clarify that he is completely good with his son calling you mum and why. Then you tell them why it means so much to you that he chose to call you mum. BF needs to TELL them there will be no more correcting "Johnny" because Johnny is not wrong.

Good luck and many blessings!!

Jenn - posted on 04/09/2013

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aslong as it does not cause conflict between the birth mom and anyone else i dont see why its an issue. i have a step mom i have very close with and i call her mom. she is just as much my mother as my real mom. but her and my birth mom are on very good, friendly terms. maybe if he starts calling you 'mummy brittany' instead...so that he, and everyone else, understand the difference. i agree that it is a title that can be earned by love and support, just because a woman gave birth to a child does not make them a mother. it is awesome that you two are so close, and that you can play a big role in his life. maybe you should see how his birth mom feels about it...and start with something like 'mommy brittany' so there is no confusion. good luck. i hope this helps

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/05/2013

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Also, I would take into consideration what the bio mom feels about the situation.

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Deanna - posted on 04/11/2013

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Well, they were and they weren't. They started dating when my sister was less than a year. And they never really lived together. He always had his own place that he spent much of his time at. And just because someone hasn't been together less than a year, it doesn't mean they are not in for the long run.

Deanna - posted on 04/11/2013

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I want you to remember, you don't have to be married to be the step parent. My parents were together for 23 years, never married and no plans on it. My brother called his step mom "Mom" since he was about 5. He is almost 40, and he still calls her Mom, because she is his Mom. The relationship you have with your step son, is your business, your boyfriends business and his sons business. Not anyone else. But, what ever YOU choose with YOUR boyfriend, he has to be the one to tell his family what your choice was.He has to be the one to correct, politely, or not to correct.
Make your choice and stick to it. It might get hard if others are stubborn (like what I have been seeing on this thread) but you must stick to it.
Good luck!!

Tina - posted on 04/11/2013

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What do you do with a 6 year old who has clothing meltdowns every morning? We have tried picking outfits the night before... Giving her choices.... It never works... Depends on her mood that day! Tired of crying meltdowns and having her and I start the day this way!! Arguing and crying every morning is quite stressful:((

Mina - posted on 04/10/2013

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Well you guys did an awesome job with your, now, men! Definitely a perfect example of what it means to be a family.

Ev - posted on 04/10/2013

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Well, Mina, my oldest is out of the house now, married and has a kid of her own. The wedding would have been a hard thing if it had not been for the inlaws taking care of it. My son is almost out of high school and he can handle himself now he is older in his dad's home. Like I said, they both have come a long way together through it with help of myself and family.

Mina - posted on 04/10/2013

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Evelyn, I'm sorry for what he's put your kids through. I commend you for not remarrying because you want to protect your children. More people should put their kids' feelings first when it comes to who they date and ultimately marry. I think your ex has given your children a bad perception of marriage. But you are their stability, and thats great. I always tell people that I'll get married when my youngest is out on her own. People think I'm kidding, but I'm serious. I have just seen too many divorces. Not all of them were bitter and nasty, but enough of them were nasty enough for me to have my guard up for my kids.

Ev - posted on 04/10/2013

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Actually, Danielle, I am grateful for your concern and so on. But its been ten years since the divorce and seven since he married his third wife. The kids have made it through all that mess with me being there for them along with their grandparents, friends, and other family on both sides. I am still good friends with their paternal grandmother. I made that choice because I it was mine to make. I did not want to give them a step dad because so many people these days seem to live on the drama of the divorce and going back and forth arguing and so on. I could not do that to them. They are also very close to each other though now one is out on her own and the other has only a couple years left. They know who held them dear. And who was there for them. That is the important part.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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I'm sorry Evelyn , no father should make such a big decision as bringing a wife into his kids life without really thinking it through . I can see why you have a bad taste for step moms and in your situation you would have been protecting your kids by not allowing them to call his wives mom , but on the other hand they probably wouldn't have chosen to considering they showed no interest in them. That Is what I meant when I said the child accepting the woman as mom was a healthy thing bc it shows her true colors

Ev - posted on 04/10/2013

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I have not remarried or had boyfriends by choice but watched as my ex married 14 months after our divorce and a few girlfriends. After about the same time frame he divorced wife 2 and found wife 3 who is the current step mom. Neither woman really tried with my kids while I have friends who did with theirs and it worked. I hated seeing my kids go through tow awful experiences with step parents. They even begged me not to get them a step dad. It was that bad.

Mina - posted on 04/10/2013

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And if someone has a history of "fly by night" relationships, they shouldn't be introducing their kids to anyone. Kids need stability.

Mina - posted on 04/10/2013

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Julia and Evelyn, trust me, I know my situation is rare. Our family is very lucky and we know to be thankful. I have friends who have to split holidays, that are meant to be spent with family. It's nice to be able to see my kids' faces every Christmas morning. But this was not something that happened overnight. It took a lot of forgiving, realizing that the kids are more important than anything in this world, and remembering the reasons why we had kids together in the first place. And even if my ex and i get into it about something, or he gets into it with the fiancée, we don't put the little people in the middle. But as close as we are, I would never force any kid to call a stepparent mom/dad. In my opinion, that causes fear, resentment, and probably years of therapy. Kids have to feel comfortable in either home. And I think forcing a relationship might make a child feel as if he/she is betraying the bio. It's not fair to put that kind of burden on any child. But if a child is secure enough in a relationship to WANT to refer to a stepparent as mom/dad, the bios are comfortable with it, and the stepparent is comfortable with it, then it's perfectly fine. But all parties should be on the same page. I also think its hurtful to a child if they look at a stepparent as another mom/dad, choose to give them that title, then the stepparent corrects them. It's like the kids are showing in their own way that they love, respect, and view you as someone that they can come to, but then their love is rejected. Especially if there are "new kids" in the new marriage. I know sometimes it's hard for us adults to understand the actions and feelings of children. Things that may be small to us, can be mountain sized in they're hearts and minds. But if we just take a step back, think back to the things that were a big deal to us as kids, we can understand why some kids choose to call their stepparents mom/dad. I said it once, I'll say it a million more times, because its how I truly feel...If a child CHOOSES to call someone mom/dad, it's not because they love their bio any less, it's because children don't have a maximum capacity when it comes to who they allow in their hearts.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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I also feel like it would be just as hard on the child if he got used to his step mom and never called her mom if the relationship dissolved compared to if the child did refer to her as mom. So does that mean divorced parents should never remarry? No it just means you have to be smart and think about your kids best interests while remarrying after you had kids in a previous relationship . As a matter of fact I know it would be just as hard bc I had a step dad whom I referred to by his first name and it crushed me Jusy the same as it would have if I called him dad when him and my mom divorced

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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It might be easy for the step mom to fool her husband into thinking she loves his kids , but I promise you she won't fool the kids for too long! It just shows the woman is genuinely a nice loving mother figure that you could entrust your kids with when they go to daddys

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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I agree that a child can feel part of the family Just as much without calling the step parent mom , but if the child chooses to call her mom and Is told no then that's when it could create a problem . I know that there are positive and negatives to the situation just like any other situation your. Child will go through in life , but I think the positives outweighs the negatives in this one . I think the parents need to think it thoroughly and base their decisions according to their situation since everyone is different , but all I'm saying is if the parents make smart choices based on what's best for the kid I don't see a problem with it . Of course it isn't appropriate for every child to call his step parent by mommy , but if all the criteria meets up such as the child chooses to call her mom on his own , the relationship is happy and healthy, the step mom treats the child like a mom, and the bio mom is ok with it then I really think the child could benefit . I don't see how having an extra mom around could hurt! It's another woman to love , care, nurture , and protect our kids. I think if I had to go through that situation which is terrible in its self the best possible outcome would be for me too see my kid is in good hands while I am not there to watch over her , and by the child feeling comfortable to call her mom that right there shows the woman reminds the child of his bio mom which would put my heart at peace bc I could feel at ease knowing my precious angel was in loving hands

Ev - posted on 04/10/2013

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And Danielle, that would be true, if in fact in a lot of blended families that happened but it does not always happen. Kids have no choice in what their parents decide to do in a divorce or marriage. THey are along for the long haul and have to wait until 18 to do their own thing. It is more a respectful thing to be sure that it is okay with the mother first before allowing a kid to call a step mom "Mommy". I know she is going to be there when the mother is not but that does not mean she has the right to be called that by the step kids if its not agreeable to the mother. And feeling jealous or threatened about replacement has nothing to do with it. Its the principal of the matter.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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I also feel that the child will feel more apart of the whole family unit which is incredibly beneficial to the child . It seems like moms feel threatened at the thought of the name mom being associated with anyone else but them . I think if a child chooses to call the step by mom it shows a healthy relationship with lots of love involved who h as parents what else can we ask for our kids after they have already been through the mess of their parents divorce

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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Eating ice cream for dinner is not healthy for your child , but allowing them to love and be loved by another mom is very healthy . The step mom plays the mother role in the child's fathers household . The step mom ( hopefully if you have a good one) is the person the kids will go to at their fathers house when they need things only a mom can provide bc we all know most men lack a certain nurturing maternal instinct. There is nothing unhealthy about letting a child choose on his own to call another woman mother. I agree with your point about kids being forced into Calling someone mom is obviously not good but I clearly stated i thought it was fine as long as the child chose to on his own . And no my daughter does not call her beloved aunt mommy bc she does not ever play the mother role which is different than a step mother bc they do play the mother role in her household . I think someone could mess up a kid if he wanted to be able to call the step by mommy and someone said no. I still think its ok for someone to not feel comfortable with their kid calling Another woman mom but it's certainly not wrong if everyone is ok with it

Ev - posted on 04/10/2013

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And it is also the same for my kids too. That kind of relationship is less heard.

My kids have had two step mothers total in their lives in a short duration of ten years. Both women have not tried to have any kind of relationship in the positive with them. Of course, that was the step moms' choices. They wanted all the attention either on them and their kids or themselves alone. My kids suffered for it. They tried to get their dad to even spend some time alone with just them and he would not do it. So be glad you got this for your kids.

Julia - posted on 04/10/2013

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That's all very well and good. But a lot of kids are asked or told to call their step mother mom for manipulative reasons. I had a step mother who tried to get me to call her mom and it made me uncomfortable. I was a strong enough kid to say no thank you. But I had friends that were mandated to call their step mother mom or where "asked" to call her mom and did so but were never comfortable with it. It is better to have clear boundaries and not put the kids in that position. I mean my son doesn't call his God Mother mom why should he call a step mother mom. I know people who called the step mother Auntie or something like that. It seemed like a reasonable compromise. I have a significant other who is a widower. His youngest daughter doesn't even remember the mother. Yet I would never be so disrespectful as to have her call me mom. She had a mom who loved her dearly and deserves to be honored as her only mother. I'm happy to be a mother figure and take her to pick out a prom dress or be there for her on other significant life moments but I can't not should I replace her mother. Just like my son has a father that will always be his one and only father. It doesn't mean that you can't love your partners kids. It just means you are not in fact their mother and there do need to be boundaries that respect the person who is the parent. Also just because you kid appears to want to call the step parent mom or dad doesn't mean it is because the want to they might be being pressured or have some how gotten it in their head that they should. After all would you let your kid eat ice cream for dinner just because they wanted to? As the adults it is our job to make boundaries. Mina it is wonderful you have such a great situation. Unfortunately in my experience you are the exception rather than the norm.

Mina - posted on 04/10/2013

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Danielle, you're awesome. And you just described my reality. I happen to be divorced. Our kids are 9 & 6. His girlfriend after me just plain sucked. She had no use for my kids. Part of the reason she's his ex. But, his fiancée (they've been together 2 yrs), is quite amazing. She does treat my kids as her own. And I have loved her since day 1. I feel like my kids are lucky to have 3 parents. We include her in all aspects of parenting and decision making. She has become 1 of my best friends. She is very close to all of the people that my ex and I are close to. I know it's partly because my ex and I have grown up a lot since the divorce. So we have a close relationship. I even lived with them for almost 2 months last year when my house caught fire. When he's at my house, she doesn't get upset. When she's at my house, he doesn't get upset. She spends time with the kids alone. She has no desire to be the "likeable stepmom". She wants what's best for OUR kids. And shows it everyday. So that being said, if the kids decided to call her mommy, I wouldn't be upset. You don't have to give birth to someone to be their mom.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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And all step mothers do not deserve to. Be called mom either but kids are smart little creatures with amazing instincts on who they can trust and who loves them so if my kid felt that love from this " other" woman I couldn't ask for more in an otherwise not so desirable situation

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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And I agree Also with the bio mom should be on okay with the child calling her this. I would never say otherwise , all I was pointing out is maybe she is ok with it bc if I put myself in that situation and like I said my husbands long term girlfriend or preferably wife loved
My kid almost as much as I do and then that would make me incredibly happy considering the opposite of a step mom who hates her step kids and try's to push them away

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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Julia you are correct in saying that I might not like this theoretical other woman, but where I am coming from is that I know if my daughter chose on her own to refer to her as mom then she must be doing something right in order for my daughter to be comfortable enough to do that. Of course divorce is not a ideal situation and it is messy and but if my husband would remarry all I could hope for is the woman does deserve to be called mom by by child. Even if I hated this woman's guts for my own personal reasons but she treated my daughter the way I felt she deserved then I would put my own feelings on the shelf in order to make things as easy on my kid as possible. I'm not saying someone is wrong for feeling differently I was just explaining that some women wouldnt be offended by it

Ev - posted on 04/10/2013

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Danielle--I can understand your point well, but they have only been dating for a short time and that does not make it secure as a relationship. And a child this age will call those familiar to them mom or mommy but you have to keep in mind the feelings of the bio mother. And though you are very thoughtful in thinking that if your child/children had a step mom that you would not feel jealous or threatened in anyway, you have no idea how that will turn out. My kids have had one previous step mother and have a second one right now and trust me when I say this, you can not foresee how a woman will treat our kids when you do not know that the future holds. I had hopes that my kids' step moms would do that and they both did not do such a thing. The current one does not have a good relationship with my son because she chose not too. But I do have a few good friends who are step moms and they treat their kids wonderfully. So in an early relationship, its not right for a child no matter the age to call knowingly a woman mom that is not mom.

Shelly - posted on 04/10/2013

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I think your boyfriend is going to have to tell his family to back off. Its a touchy thing because if it don't work out he loses a mommy but no matter what he calls you he will feel this so the boyfriend needs to have a private talk with his family & explain that his calling you mom doesn't have anything to do with his birth mom, and its noy his fault! All kids do it, if there is a mommy figure in the house. If you and your boyfriend feel you are going to be together than I don't think there's anything wrong with it! The more people that love him the better!

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/10/2013

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Carol , I understand where you are coming from but I really do see things a little differently. While I do think that she should be sure that the relationship is secure before allowing that for the child's sake , I see nothing wrong with him calling her mom even if his bio mom is in the picture. The way I see things is if me and my husband got divorced and he was in a stable long term relationship preferably being married, I would be happy if my daughter called his wife mom. That would say to me that the woman treated my child the way I would which is all I could want for her in that situation . I feel very secure with my relationship with my daughter and know I could never be replaced so I wouldn't feel threatened or disrespected by having another woman with the mom title. If another woman could show my baby the love and care for her ( almost) the way I do then I'd be thrilled considering that would mean my child was in loving hands while she was in her care

Joann - posted on 04/10/2013

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To respond to Brittany the child should not call you mummy u r not his mother that is a fact that will not change. I have a step-son that I have been raising since he a year old his mom walked out of his life. But no matter what I love my step-son we have a wonderful relationship but that does not take away that he has a mom who keeps in touch with him once in a while. You r Brittney not mom give respect if u end up with a child and ur child has a step- mom u would not want ur child to call her mom.

Ev - posted on 04/09/2013

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I have to agree with a couple of points.

1) At this age a lot of kids call women that are familiar to them "mommy", "mom", or whatever is reference of Mom. I know of some women who care for kids this age and those kids call them mom until they learn the names.

2) It should be okay if the bio mother is not bothered by this.

My own opinion is that if someone is just into the first few months of a relationship they should not be called mom or dad by the child. Its just not right or fair actually since you do not know how long this relationship is going to go on. And not being the step mom in the official manner does not help the situation either. You should tread carefully with this is my advice until you make a full commitment of this relationship. You may love this little boy with all your heart and that is very commendable, but you have to wait and see where this goes before you become even step mom.

Jane - posted on 04/09/2013

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My ex's daughter was 2 1/2 when I met him and 7 when we broke up, during that time after a couple of years she started to call me Mummy, but she only did it when it was the three of us though. It wasn't something I encouraged as she had a mum to call that, and I didn't feel like her mother nor want her to call me that, but we didn't see the need to make a big deal out of it and tell her not to call me that. So she went through a few phases of calling me mummy, or just calling me by name. I think best to just let him call you what he wants and if people stop making a big deal out of it and correcting him he might just revert to calling you your name. As a mother now to my own children, I'd feel sad if they called another woman mummy though.

Sheila - posted on 04/09/2013

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You are not a stepmum yet, so yes you're stepping way over the boundary. Its a new relationship with his dad. Some children this young call all women mummy for a while My daughters both called my husbands best friend dad for ages, because this is what they heard his own little boy call him. They were corrected until they learned to call him by his name.

Mina - posted on 04/09/2013

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His son calling you mummy doesn't mean he loves his bio any less. It's 2013. There's nothing wrong with having extra parents. The baby obviously has enough love to go around.

Holly - posted on 04/09/2013

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I think that you need to have your boyfriend tell them that he is letting his son call you what ever makes him comfortable, and that they are upsetting the baby

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2013

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2-3 months into any relationship NO CHILD should be encouraged to call in her MOM!!!

Dannica - posted on 04/09/2013

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First let me say... DO NOT GET ENGAGED JUST TO SHUT UP YOURE POTENTIAL INLAWS!!! that's so insane!! You clearly are a very loving and respectful person or you wouldn't even have posted this question in the first place. You have found yourself a man that loves you and his son loves and accepts you as well! That's the big picture. If the child wants to call you "mommy" then let him. Its his opinion and acceptance that matters here. Dont correct a child for showing someone love and respect!!! That's crazy and senselessly hurtful to the child. His "bio-mom" as so many have insultingly phrased it, is not the issue. Its your relationship w the child. My son called everything mama at that age and I still knew that I was his mother and always would be. Anyone who can feel so dejected by something like that has issues they need to address. You're not the one who gave birth to him but you can still love him and be there for him. I think its your boyfriend's responsibility to talk to his parents and stand up for his kid's sake and tell them to stop correcting him. That's just basic parenting. And PS. Just because you're not engaged or have a piece of paper legally binding you together, doesn't mean you won't "stick around".

Carol - posted on 04/09/2013

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The word 'MOM' is something you earn, not something you happen upon! It is both a privilege and a right that belongs to the woman who birthed that child. Unless the child's biological mother is a piece of you-know-what, jerk, degenerate, uncaring, strung out, drunken, baby abandoning woman, a surrogate only, or the child was adopted, then YES, you are overstepping that boundary. I'm in a relationship with a single dad, whom I've known a long time. We've been dating for a while now and his daughter has called me mom a couple of times 'accidentally' and she stared up @ me sheepishly to see how I would react. While I appreciate the fact that she likes me, I pointed out the fact that she has an amazing mom and I will never dishonor her by allowing her (the child) to call me mom. Even though her mom has been nothing but a complete and utter B!t$h to me and her ex, I would never be able to justify dishonoring her in the one area I feel strongest about! Are you even engaged to her father? My concern in the confusion this will create with the child in the future. If the father is careless about his/her emotional growth, be the grown up and advise him that it's not right for his child to call you mom. His family probably has a respectful enough relationship with the baby's mother and they do not want you to 'play mommy', which is understandable - they don't know how long you're planning on sticking around. I doubt that I will allow my own child to call my bf dad should he and I decide to marry, my child's father is not dead and is involved in her life. Imagine someone doing that very same thing to you. You can make his child feel loved and secure without him/her calling you mom. It's early enough that if you can gently correct the child, he/she will learn what your role is.

Michelle - posted on 04/08/2013

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Also do you really want to put the Boyfriends family on guard as if your in it for the long haul then this could cause you conflict down the road.

Michelle - posted on 04/08/2013

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I think the Boyfriends family are probably just trying to be respectfull to the Birth Mother which is good to see. So the Birth Mother and Boyfriend must have separated on good terms; I'm assuming. If the Birth Mother is ok with another women being called Mommy then that would be ok. It's definately not a good idea to get the Birth Mom off side as you have to deal with the Birth Mom forever. Saying all that this subject often brings up emotional responses and I would lean on the side of that it is crossing a boundary and I would try to come up with an other term that would show your relationship with your Boyfriend that is term for yourself and the child that has no reference to you being a replacement for the Birth Mom. As I'm sure your goal isn't to replace the Birth Mom in the eyes of the child.

Julia - posted on 04/08/2013

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It is not for an 18 month old to decide who to call mommy anymore than it is for an 18 mo th old to decide if they should be allowed to have ice cream for dinner. It is not an appropriate decision to be made by a child. First you are not even the step mother. Second you did not birth this child. If the mother is present in the child's life you are absolutely crossing a boundary. If the mother is not present and you marry the father then it would be acceptable.

Tanaya - posted on 04/08/2013

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My soon to be husband and I share 5 kids together. Of the 5 I gave birth to 3 and 2 are my children-in-love :-) All 5 live with us and they are treated the same. The boys were 4 and 6 when we started dating. Bio mom hates the fact that they call me mommy. I stand firm with they can call me which ever they felt comfortable with. When Daddy and I refer to each other as Mommy and Daddy, but they are free to call us by our names if they want to. As far as the family is concerned, I had issues with that as well. I simply said to the children in front of the family," you can call me whatever you want sweetie". Eventually they gave up and let the kids decide. I hope this helps :-)

Karen - posted on 04/08/2013

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Is the bio mom in the picture? This is difficult to respond without knowing that. That said - you aren't the step mommy as you aren't married.

Brenda - posted on 04/08/2013

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You Brittany have a unique opportunity to make this child feel welcome and loved. If you are serious about your boyfriend it is most important that the child feels secure in your and his relationship. Eventually if you both marry you want this child to know you have excepted him without thinking of him as a stepson but as an wonderful addtion to your family. I was at a wedding lately where man and woman said vows then allowed her son to receieve a ring from both of them saying that they are all one and united. Beautiful! Some People will always get involed and interfere. Next time say Yes mommy Brittany that what he calls me, it is ok with me!

Gigi - posted on 04/08/2013

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Do his parents like you? Does the boys mother see him regularly? Could be very confusing for the boy in time. Nice that you are nice to him though.

[deleted account]

Get engaged then! Stop it completely by making your relationship legitmate in their eyes, and then they can't say a word!

Arielle - posted on 04/08/2013

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But Bio-mom insists that Step father is "Daddy" and would have had the child call her own Father by his name. She maintains that I am nothing to the child and that it's "different" because her (now) husband has been there the whole time. Like people have said, the one being hurt, is the child. And I will encourage my step daughter to call me whatever she feels comfortable with and continue to love her as one of my own. If you and your boyfriend are on the same page about it, ignore the family, re-enforce a strong, loving relationship with your step son, and if need be- tell them to mind their business. Good luck!

Arielle - posted on 04/08/2013

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My almost 5 year old step daughter calls me Mommy, and has since I finally got to meet her when she was2. My husband and I are fine with it, and I love the fact she sees me this way. Her mother, however, is another story. She has gone so far as to tell her I am nothing to the child. And if that was the only factor, I might be more inclined to attempt to respect her wishes. However, the child chose to call me Mommy and I have other children as well as her half sister. The biggest issue my husband and I have with Bio-mom's protests is that my step daughter calls her step father Daddy (not that my husband has an issue with that, in and of it's self). Where the problem lies is she left while he was in Iraq and got pregnant by her boyfriend twice before the divorce could be finalized (they now have 3 kids togethercomes in is

Kim - posted on 04/07/2013

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If a child didn't think much of you, they wouldn't be calling you Mummy. When my ex and I got together, he had an almost seven month old. At first I was wanting him to call me Kim and not Mum, because he had a mum. Then things happened and his mum was in and out of the picture, so I figured if he wanted to call me Mum, he could.
So from around 8 months on, he called me mum, even since we ex and I split, he still calls me Mum.

His family should be happy that their grandson is happy and calling you Mum. I'd be getting your other half to say something to his family and tell them to back off.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 04/07/2013

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You must be doing something very special in order for him to call you mommy, and that is wonderful ! Why would his grand parents want anything less for their grand kid! As said before, as long as your in it for the long haul I think you must be his mommy at heart if he feels comfortable calling you this. Try to explain that to the grump parents! Tell them the reasons why he calls you mom ; such as you care for him, nurture him , protect him. How could anyone argue with that?

Lois - posted on 04/07/2013

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since the name is coming from the child,and is not from you and the father it seams weird that his families wants calling you mummy to stop. He needs to point out to them that it was the boys idea and to please stop correcting the little one.

Andrea - posted on 04/05/2013

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As long as the father is ok with his child calling you mummy then everyone else doesn't matter. In my house my children call my boyfriend either by his first name or Dad and I leave it up to them. We told the kids they can call him whatever they'd like except for any bad words. We don't push them to call him anything than what they feel comfortable with and that's how it should be. When I was a step-mother I allowed my step-daughter to call me whatever she chose as long as it wasn't bad. She chose to call me mom and even though I'm not married to her father anymore she still calls me mom. So, I would just ignore the family although I think your boyfriend should tell them to stop because it's not their business.

JPatrick - posted on 04/05/2013

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Assuming you are "in it" for the long haul, or you wouldnt' even consider that question... Curiously though, you don't mention anything about the bio-mom. Is she in the picture, and does she have an opinion? Not that that is conclusive -- it really depends on each individual situation, but it would be nice to have everyone (her, BF's family, you, your family, etc.) invovevd w/the kid on board to keep the references consistent.

I was in a relationship where my BF's ex (the two split up shortly before we met) had his child. She insisted that her new fiance be called 'daddy T' since the kid's birth, but she totally disagreed to the child calling me 'momma J'. It was a complete double-standard, but that is the sort of things when two people no longer involved have a child together.

Long way to say, the kid will end up calling people what he wants ultimately, but it's nice when the adults can agree and not argue about it.

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