Am I doing right for my kids?

Monica - posted on 05/23/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am going to be going through a divorce here soon. My soon to be ex husband got into hard drugs and is stating that he's cleaning up and going to treatment. This isn't his first time doing this and I feel it's better to get out while the kids are young still as oppose to them getting older. I'm needing to relocate due to financial conflict so I have to quit my job and find one closer to where I'll be living (closer to my family). He's just put me through so much to where I'm emotionally exhausted. I just need to know if I'm making the right decision cuz a drug addicted father is not what I want my kids living with

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Barb - posted on 05/24/2011

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Yes, absolutely remove your children from that situation. Make sure you get a good divorce attorney who will bring up the drug issue when it comes to visitation, but some type of drug abuse should be documented for the courts so they will not see it as just a malicious attack by you so you can have full custody.

I'm not suggesting you are, i'm saying others have, so the courts don't always take things at face value. They don't end marriages anymore because of adultery or abuse, it all falls under "dissolution of marriage"

Best of luck to you and i implore you not to talk bad about your children's father. Drug addiction is an illness. I'd suggest just letting your children know that Daddy isn't a bad person, he's just sick right now.

Jessica - posted on 05/24/2011

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I'm sure you are. You know your situation better then anyone. Your kids can still have a good life even if you aren't with their father. Lean on your friends and family and keep you and the kids safe. I hope that he does clean up his life for the sake of his self and the rest of the people he touches in his life.

Good luck!

Laurie - posted on 05/24/2011

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I left my husband when I was 5 months pregnant due to his cocaine and crack addiction. I left for the same reasons you are leaving. My ex evenutally stopped using cocaine and crack but he still drinks and I assume smokes weed. When we went to court for the divorce and visitation I made sure the visits were supervised. I was afraid my ex would sell my son for a crack hit. He was so far gone it was scary. My son is now 19 years old and I can't say for sure my decision was the right one. My ex did stop doing coke when I left and wound up marrying someone else and they have 2 daughters. Over the years there have been some changes and my son was finally allowed to go to his dad's without supervision. He still goes there on weekends but you know my ex and his wife have always drank and usually are too hung over to do anything with the kids so they always get disappointed. I often wonder if I he would have remained off coke if I would have went back with him. I never wanted to have my son grow up without having his dad in our home but I just couldn't trust him and the stress was overwhelming. The best thing I did for myself and my son was to start going to a bible based church. We got involved in all kinds of church activities and sports and he has grown to be a wonderful young man. Having the Lord in our life has made a HUGE difference and has got us through all the pain and ugliness of addiction. Reading my bible has brought me much comfort. What you are going through is very difficult and you need to protect your children. Hopefully your ex will realize that you are serious about leaving and get the help that he needs. I wish you the best and please know that you yourself need to remain sober and be a solid example for your children. They need all the love you can provide and they need to know they can depend on you.

Keri - posted on 05/23/2011

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Yes you are doing the right thing. I would also try to get sole custody with limited visitation, making sure he is clean before he gets the kids. The kids have to come first. They are you first priority. Getting out of that situation will be better for you and your kids.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/23/2011

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Um, heck yes. It's too much on you and them to see him bounce back and forth between functioning and not due to drugs.

My best friend from high school was on drugs and I never knew it. He kept it from me and it wasn't until years later after he moved away a mutual friend said he'd asked him for pills, that's when I found out. My parents and I also talked about it, they knew too. He hid it from me to protect me and kept me away from his other friends for my safety and never wanted me to get into them. I admire him so much for this and he has been a great friend to me in many ways. But there have been times where I would look at him and wonder what on earth was his problem and never knew... so I know people who struggle with drugs can be good people, or even in the lesser sense good people some times, or when they are off of drugs be good.... so don't feel bad. You are just doing what is best. You don't want them to grow up around it, and have their worlds shattered everytime their dad has a mood swing or rebounds back to drugs hun
Good for you......... run!

[deleted account]

I can't tell you whether or not the divorce is the right choice, but their father does and will still have rights. Hopefully if he isn't clean and sober you will be able to have him get supervised visitations though.

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