Am I doing the right thing for my son?

Sarah - posted on 03/09/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




I need some input on this.

I am a single mom of a WONDERFUL one year old son, I go to school, I work, and I hold myself to a very high standard when it comes to being a mom. I just need to know if I am doing the right thing.

My son's dad and I have had a very rough relationship and have been separated since september of last year and he has barely seen our son. He has another child by a different girl who he was on again, off again with the whole time we were "together". He moved her in and out several times, but I was afraid of being a single mom and afraid of what would happen to his daughter (his other child) if i left. She was not very well taken care of and her mother has no maternal instincts, we will just leave it at that.

Anyways, after my son was born, he got back together with her again and when he was about 3 months old, she wrote me a letter and said that she wished my son never existed, and then when he was about 6 months old, she told his dad (also her baby's dad) that she wished I had had an abortion. Well, we are no longer together and he never took care of our son when I lived with him and I took care of his daughter while I lived there, because if i didnt, she was ignored, left in her crib or playpen at 18 months old for litterally hours on end in front of the tv while they slept...

well, I have told him that he is more than welcome to see our son any time, but he cant have him unsupervised because I do not want my son around his other baby's mother...but he always has an excuse for not seeing him, but gets mad because "i dont let him see our son"...all he has to do is ask, but he wants things his way or not at all... and he knows nothing about our son anyways, and I am extremely particular about him ( he is on all natural foods, hormone free, preservative free, etc) and I am trying to build a secure loving environment where he can be nutured.

there is MUCH MUCH more to this story, including domestic violence charges on him, excessive spanking of his daughter, who is now 3...and the list goes on and on...

I just need to know if I am doing the right thing or if i am over reacting


[deleted account]

If his daughter is neglected and he has domestic violence charges against him.... I fully believe you are doing the right thing. Perhaps it would be wise to have documentation of some sort (e-mail, whatever) of you offering him supervised visitations and WHY.... just in case he ever takes you to court you can prove that you are trying to facilitate a relationship between the two of them, but also trying to protect your child in the process.

Krista - posted on 03/09/2012




You're not overreacting, especially if he has a history of domestic violence. Do you guys have formalized visitation arrangements? If not, I would contact legal aid or a lawyer, and start the process of formalizing an agreement, and let them know that you do not want him to have unsupervised visitation, and why.

My heart breaks for that little girl, but short of calling Child Services, there's really nothing you can do to help her. And I would not call Child Services, because if he finds out it was you, he could use that against you during visitation hearings, saying that you're vengeful and trying to cause trouble. Do you know any of their friends or family? Are they concerned?

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012




You are doing the right thing. He needs supervised visits and I would go to friend of the court to get child support and the supervised visits.

He sounds like a real jerk! If he is spanking his daughter, then what is he doing with your son? I wouldn't allow him to watch your son for ANYTHING unsupervised.


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Sarah - posted on 03/10/2012




I use texting rather than phone calls because it is able to be used in court by a lawyer, but my other question is whether anyone thinks I am over reacting about keeping his other baby's mother away from my son because of the things she has said about him

[deleted account]

You are not over-reacting. I would not leave this man alone with my child. I agree with Krista, you should probably formalize things.

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