Am i making the right decision?

Shanice - posted on 05/19/2011 ( 30 moms have responded )

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Moving to Florida wit my boyfriend baby his mom lives there i have no family there I'm only 19 I'm moving there because I'm getting a job. Its been hard trying to find a job where I'm at. I'm not sure about this choice yet because my family is here in Vegas and Cali and I'm basically leaving everyone behind. My mom is pretty upset about the idea. I need advice.

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Leisl - posted on 05/23/2011

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Take your time making this decision. Pray hard, and I would say do not do anything permanent until you have a permanent commitment in the form of marriage. If your boyfriend is not willing to give you both more time to make a decision and a ring on your finger, you can pretty much gratefully wave goodbye as he heads off to Florida and trust God that he has a better plan and quite possibly a better man for you. I hope this helps and doesn't come off as overly religious, its just that these types of decisions have long term consequences and talking to the One who knows you better than you know yourself can only help.



-Sincerely,

Leisl in Central, AL

Linda - posted on 05/22/2011

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I would think twice about moving all the way across the country and leaving family with no real commitment from him. He's your boyfriend, not your husband or even fiance. Where is this relationship going? If it doesn't work out, are you going to stay in Florida? How will you get back home? Think through the answers to these questions before you leave.

Louise - posted on 05/20/2011

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I think you have to look to the future and if you do not see one where you are then you need to make one somewhere else. It will be a huge wrench away from the family and this is where your problem lies. If you are strongly attached to your mum and still need her close then moving away is not a good idea as you will feel resentful that you have moved and things will go pear shaped. Really it is your call, only you know if you can deal with being homesick.

Stifler's - posted on 05/19/2011

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I left my home town where all my friends and family were so my partner could get a better job and we could have a better life. I don't regret it for a second.

Karen - posted on 05/19/2011

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It's hard to leave family and the area that you are used to. I cried and cried when I moved 500 miles away from mine. But it got easier as we got our house and stuff. But I had family down there. My husband didn't. So for him it was extrememly hard and we ended up moving back. Decisions are so hard to make and feel good about. So I have always thought of it as "If it happens, it's meant to be." I look at everything as it happens for a reason. If I wasn't supposed to do it, something would have went wrong or I would have known before it started going through. Some things you can ask yourself is "Is the job you are going for worth it?" "Do you forsee more good than bad coming out of this move". (for you personally) Don't worry about your family getting too mad at you. that stuff can be resolved. You are really the only one who can decide for you.

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Kate - posted on 05/28/2011

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so let me get this right you r 19 just had a baby to your boyfriend and thinking of moving to florida were his mum live to got a job as u cant fine one at home
well why cant your boyfriend get at job were you r now and look after u that way u can still stay with your family or is it that your boyfriend isnt happy there with u and want to move back to his mum
i dont know what to say but i do know boyfriend come and go as im 29 got a little boy that is going on 6
and had about 5 boyfriends and with out a ring i would not move i hope this helps

Jackie - posted on 05/26/2011

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If you are moving due to your employment opportunity, that would be a responsible action because it's a tough economy and unless you have someone to help you out at home in Vegas or Cali, then you basically have no choice than to move. You are still young where you can make a career change and hopefully the economy will pick up on Vegas and you can most likely find a job there, but don't move for your boyfriend as the majority of your reason. If it just so happens that your boyfriend is moving to Florida because you got a job at the same time, then I guess that's okay since you won't be too lonely, but don't just go for him. Seems like you are pretty close to your family and having myself moved from Cali to Ohio and being close to family and friends as well, the transition has not been simple. It's not impossible, but unless you make the move for the right decision, that you want to, then you're going to be miserable and can go thru unnecessary heartache. Good luck!

Anna - posted on 05/26/2011

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You are too young to be leaving your family for this reason!! I believe you would regret it. It would be huge mistake!! You have plenty of time to date others and find a good guy (no children) to fall in love with and he loves you!!! Date a while , 6 months to a year. Get married and have your own children. you would be so much happier Put God first in your life,live for Him! He will put joy and happines in your lives!! He will guide you and help you in time of need. I am 76 yrs. old. I couldn't have it without Him!!! I'll be praying gou you. GOOD LUCK!

Monique - posted on 05/25/2011

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I don't usually post i just read but i have to give you my input. As i am young to, 21. I think you should not go. You are only 19 sweetie and you just had a baby. You need nothing more than YOUR family right now and if he cant except that then wave your hand goodbye. I have 3 sisters and they all had children before they were 18. I dont even know you or anything about your relationship and i am going to beg you not to go. I like the idea about save up and take a road trip and see what you think. But still I dont think moving there would be a good idea at all, espcially if you are close with your family.
And also i think you know in your heart that it isnt a good idea other wise you wouldnt have posted????
i wish the best of luck to you.
Monique from Cali

Alexandra - posted on 05/24/2011

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i dont like this idea. you are young and still have plenty of time to move in the future, if this boyfriend is going to be your partner for ife. i feel you are rushing and you are not confortable with this decision, otherwise you woud be asking for advice, right? try to get a job where you live now, near your parents. it sounds adventurous, and nice when we are 19, but beieve me, you will know better when you get a little older. good luck.

Melissa - posted on 05/24/2011

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If you are asking us, then you know that it probably isn't best. You are 19 and you have a baby so it is probably best to stay near family. What if things go badly with your boyfriend and you break up?

Vivian - posted on 05/23/2011

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stay home near the family and sign upfor school. it will improve your job chances, and when you save enough for a roundtrip, to florida then you can make the trip and see if the feelings are still there on both sides yours and his.
vivian in baltimore, maryland

Carrie - posted on 05/22/2011

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If you are absolutely SURE that he is the one for you. I got married TOO young and moved to North Carolina from Virginia with my husband because that is where his family lived. I had no one there. We had a baby and at that point it seemed like the right thing to do. It wasn't bad at first . . . but I have a very close knit family. After a while being away from my family made me unhappy . . . which eventually made it hard on our marriage. We are now divorced. I must say everything happens for a reason . . . I am extremely happy now and have met the man of my dreams who has taken my son as his own. But, when push comes to shove, evaluate how close you are to your family and if it is going to effect you that greatly. EVERYTHING you do will effect your child. If you are happy they will sense it . . . same applies to angry, sad, depressed, etc. No matter how good you are at hiding it. Hope things work out for you guys. Good Luck and God Bless.

Autumn - posted on 05/22/2011

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I moved to FL 10 years ago after my husband and I eloped to Vegas. I left behind my whole family, friends and everything I'd ever known to start a new life. Since then, we had 3 children together and in 2009 he decided he didn't want to be married anymore and we're now divorced. I'm now stuck in FL with no option of moving home and no family because we have joint custody and I can't take them out of the county. So, in short just be careful about every decision you make, don't depend too heavily on any man and always have a plan B. I hope things work out for you.

Cynthia - posted on 05/22/2011

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It is such a long way and you are very young. There is no way i could do it but it your going then my advice is to marry your boy friend. i know its old fashion but you are already making a commitment to each other. if you would marry the man then go if you wouldn't then stay. he will be all you have there for a while. just my thoughts good luck to you.

Cynthia - posted on 05/22/2011

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wow ..change is never easy.. Just make sur the new job pays enough to suppor you & baby.. If so I say go for it ..if things with you & baby daddy don't work out &t least you will be able to put a roof over ur heads ..

Kim - posted on 05/22/2011

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I would say it all depends on the strength of your relationship. If you are already having issues they will probably get worse when there is only people there to support him. Have you met his family yet? How do you get along with them if you have? What if you can not stand them when you get there? I would say as long as you do not alienate your own family and have a plan of where you would go if things do not work out, you will be fine. You may never need it, but things could get bad if the relationship does not work out and you have no way to make it on your own.

Yvette - posted on 05/22/2011

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You have to decide what is better for you and the baby. I left New York City where all my family lives to move with my husband and kids to southern New Jersey. He has family here I have none. The move made me more dependent on myself. I made new friends. Besides you can always go back home if it doesn't work out.

Nicole - posted on 05/22/2011

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The most important thing is just that you show your family how much thought you've put into this decision. Explain what you know about your job, about your boyfriend's family, about where you're going to be living. Learn about the town as much as you can, and try to think of an activity or something that you can do when you move there. All of this will show your family that you're not just doing this on a whim because of your boyfriend, but that you're looking at this move like an adult and planning a life there.
The second most important thing for getting your family on board is to get them all set up with Skype or something so that they know they'll be able to talk to you often. This is going to be important for you too! When I moved away from my little brother and sister when I was 19, my first night in a new town was really really hard, and my phone line wasn't hooked up so I could talk to my sister and get reassurance. I knew I'd done the right thing, but I was still lonely and wanted to hear a familiar voice.
Third, it might help to remind your mom that most kids your age are leaving the nest anyway, for college. It doesn't mean that you'll never live in the same town again, but she might start to get used to the idea of planning a trip to visit you in Florida and taking advantage of some of the local attractions.
Moving is hard even when it's just across town. I know you need the support of your friends and family. If you've done everything I suggested and you're still not getting it, you need to tell them. Tell them that it's difficult for you, too, but that your mind is made up, and it will be that much harder if you don't have their support. Then tell them that you love them very much and hopefully they'll lighten up on you and try to make it as easy as possible! Keep in mind that it's okay for you to make mistakes, and that it's much more important that you try new things once in awhile. If the only decisions you made were "safe" ones, your life would get pretty boring!

Sherri - posted on 05/21/2011

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It's always hard to move away from your support network, especially if you have a little one to care for. Even people who are excited to embark on such an adventure experience bouts of cold feet. A lot depends on how easily you make new friends. Do you enjoy activities that are conducive to meeting new people? Will you be comfortable letting your boyfriend's mom babysit some so you two can spend some time together and build friendships with others? If the answer to either of those is no, you need to have a frank conversation with your boyfriend about what will happen if you aren't able to develop a social circle in your new town. You need to know he'll be supportive if you start feeling isolated and trapped. But stay positive! It could be the best decision you ever make, but you won't know unless you try.

Janelle - posted on 05/21/2011

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Do what ur heart tells u to do. There will always be what ifs but if u atleast try it u can say u did. I tried moving away from family... it was tough having a baby and have no one around. I ended up moving back home so my girls could be surrounded by family and didn't have to go to daycare until they were old enough to talk. My husband is still in florida, but understands that what I did was best for our girls. I hope this helps. Family will always love you no matter what decision you make. Good luck!

Jane - posted on 05/21/2011

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I would give it a try. However, I would make sure that I have enough cash always to go back home if it doesn't work out. If your boyfriend is a good guy, his mom might be, too, and you might discover that the job and his family makes it a great step forward in your life.

Remind your mom that you will stay in touch - with email and Skype and cell phones it is very easy to keep her up to date with your activities and the baby.

Right now, since jobs are hard to come by, I would say give itr a try. You can always go back home.

Anna - posted on 05/21/2011

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it's hard but there's this point in your life that you really have to decide on what you really need. growing up is easy when you're with your family but that will keep you from realizing your worth. you have to transcend beyond yourself. be strong, decide on what you truly feel. then stand on it. it's not that scary once you get out of your comfort zone.

Jennifer - posted on 05/21/2011

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Wow...I have made that decision before and regretted it. I ended up back home and both of us, my daughter and I, have been much happier since. At first I think that we feel like we need to take the chance on having our relationships work, but in the end...your child's happiness and well being as well as yours is ultimately important. You never know how much you need your family until they are not there...it's draining and depressing...especially if he does have family around and you don't.

Stephanie - posted on 05/20/2011

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I moved to South Florida which is 6 hours away from my hometown. My then boyfriend wanted me to come with him because he was coming back here which is where he is from. I don't have any family down here either, but I do not regret it at all. I'm now married with a 13 month old and we have our own house. I have made wonderful friends at my job and my mom enjoys being able to come visit us here during the winter and any other times....

Susan - posted on 05/20/2011

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I say no. I moved away from an abusive relationship 1200 miles away from my family. To meet a guy and have 2 kids with him. Now I am stuck here. I have no friends, no family and an absolutely miserable. I'd give anything to go back home. But now I'm trapped.

Heather - posted on 05/20/2011

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It's really hard to move away from family, and become semi-dependent on someone else. If you go there and you end up not staying together, make sure you have at least a plan on how to get back home if you need to. You don't want to be trapped with no way out.

Chrissy - posted on 05/20/2011

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Why not give it a go, it will be very hard at first being away from your mum, but if you really are not happy then you can come back, your mum could always come and visit you

Tcordukes - posted on 05/19/2011

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I live over 12hrs from my parents, My husband is in the defence force, I have to say in some ways i love it being just us and the kids and some days i wish i could drived down the rd to visit them. All I can suggest is to try and make good friends so that u can have some form of support, your mum will get used to it, and she can always visit.

Kimberly - posted on 05/19/2011

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I grew up in Nebraska and moved to London when I was 20 to live with my boyfriend. I didn't have a baby, but my parents weren't too happy about me going. Less than a week after I got there the London bombings happened and my mom was freaking out and trying to figure out how to get me home, but I just didn't want to come home. I ended up living there off and on (because of visa issues) for 3 years, we got married, and I moved there permanently 4 years ago. My parents just got used to it and realized it was good for me. I did a lot of growing up in London, learned a lot about other cultures, and became more independent. I had my daughter in London almost 2 years ago as well, so my parents have missed out on a lot with her, but we do video chats often. You have to do what's right for you, not what's right for your family. They'll be sad you'll go, and they'll miss you, but if you can do better for yourself and your baby somewhere else, then make it happen! and don't worry, you'll make new friends!! Good luck :)

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