am I making the right decision if i give my child up?

Jolene - posted on 06/03/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My youngest child has a different dad then my two oldest. He got the college degree the high paying job, the house, wife ( who is unable to have children.) And today I am to make a decision on whether I am unselfish enough to give my rights up so he can have full custody of her, to give her a better home, a better school. I struggle everyday, and to get hit with a blow like this. HURTS. Do I put aside my own feeling for my child looking at the fact of what he could do for her. I dont know what to think. I'm hurt.

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Sally - posted on 06/03/2012

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Your posts tell me you really don't want to do this. My heart breaks for you but remember no amount of money can replace love. Keep your child ,father can be involved as much or as little as he wishes. Remember he will have to pay support which will help. A Successful child doesn't only come fom well to do familys. They come fom loving,supportive familys. If you truely feel they would be better of with dad then go joint. Don't give up your mothers rights. I really feel for you. Please be very sure before you decide. Please lets us know how you are either here or in pm. ( hugs)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/03/2012

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Tell him he can certainly financially support her like he is suppose to do, and send her to college. You can certainly have him have most of the custody with you getting her 1x per week and every other weekend or something like that. Be very careful what you do.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/03/2012

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I would not do that. It is something you may dearly regret in the future. Giving up all parental rights means you are no longer a parent at all. Period. If you feel you want to have him have full custody with you having visitation, that would be more realistic in my point of view. I think your child may feel if you give up all rights and are legally not a parent anymore, that it could be VERY hurtful.

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Dove - posted on 06/04/2012

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Jodie, read the post above yours. She already DID give away the older two...

Jodie - posted on 06/04/2012

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With all his money he can pay child support to you, pay for his child's education without tearing her away from her mother. You. Money doesnt equate happiness. Your child should be with her siblings and her mother. It's not selfishness. It might be a different story if you couldn't afford to eat and lived in a ditch. But as long as you have each other. You are rich.

Also, your two older children might not fully understand why you are "giving away" their sister. It may be unsettling for them and cause them undue distress.

Jolene - posted on 06/03/2012

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I am receiving child support. My daughter is 8 years old. Lived her whole life with me. I moved so many time, yet I manage to keep some form of roof over her head, even if I did have to live with family members. I got pregnant from a one night stand. And like most, I was lucky to even have him evolved in her life. He basically wants to switch me roles, I get her every other weekend and 6 weeks in the summer time. But, I know my child, I know how when she was younger, she would cry bloody murder when he would come visit her. Sure she has grown out of it, but I can't bear to see her go for so long. I already gave up my other two children to their dad, even though its suppose to be joint. I am now battling with my two oldest dad, who refused to even let me see them, because of his new girlfriend. who then turn around and cheats on him. I love all three my kids. and the reason I let go of my two oldest was the fact he had a stable life at the time. We had an agreement, I would be a part of their life, but how can I when he is taking my rights away. I have to file through the courts, just to get my rights, and now i'm getting hit with this. I know the two of the dads talk, and I'm not stupid. I know when they see weakness in me. Sometime, I feel that he hates paying almost $800 a month for one child, I also knows that if he took her, he might be just like the other dad, and refuse my daughter love from me. Already my two oldest don't even know how heart broken I am, cuz I can't even talk to them, I fear the same will happen with my youngest.

Sherri - posted on 06/03/2012

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Why do you need to give up your rights. Why can't you guys have joint custody with her? In my state they give joint to virtually all divorced families. In your case it would be she lives at dads. You would get her 2 days a week after school until bedtime and then every other weekend with alternate holidays and you would alternate vacation weeks and half the summer.

Dove - posted on 06/03/2012

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How old is this child? Did you get pregnant with her WHILE he was married? Or did that happen earlier and this isn't a baby you are talking about?

There is more to life than money. WAY more. If you can't afford to feed and keep a roof over her head, it would be one thing, but if you can afford the basics and are a loving stable woman... I, personally, feel that your child belongs with you.

The fact that her father wants to 'buy' her from you is REALLY making me uncomfortable for both you and your child's sake, but you know him better. Maybe it's not really coming across how it sounds. There is absolutely no way I would do anything like this withOUT a lawyer. Period.

If you have custody, he has to pay child support. Or the two of you could each have 50/50 custody. 'Best' of both worlds.

Regardless of what you decide I would not make this decision in a rush and I would NOT do it without legal counsel. Good luck!!

Liz - posted on 06/03/2012

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Is the baby's dad only interested in providing to his best ability for the best possible future for your daughter if he gets full custody? Surely he should be able to do so without you giving up your parental rights? If he thinks that he won't help her get a good school or a good future while sharing parental rights with you, then I do not think he is worthy of much respect.

I agree with the other posters who feel that you may regret it bitterly if you terminate your rights as a parent. What your child needs more than anything else is your love and the reassurance of knowing that you want her more than anything else.

Whether his wife can or cannot have children has no bearing on your relationship with your daughter. It's a difficult situation that I have sympathy for, but it's an issue for her and your baby's father.

Jolene - posted on 06/03/2012

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It isn't that he wants me to stop being a mother to her, but to just give up my own custody so he could have it. He has the money, job, wife, career, college education. He has all that. I have none of those things. I'm unemployed, never married, a little educated. And do i want her to be successful.. OF COURSE I DO... but I want her to be with me.. am I being selfish? and what pissed me off the most, is that he wants to buy me out. He said he would give me the money it would cost to pay for a lawyer.If i just hand her over to him.

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