Am I over reacting???

Casey - posted on 02/01/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My partner and I have to go to a wedding on Saturday night so I asked my mum can she mind our 2 year old for a few hours until we get home which she said was fine (we asked her about a month ago) and a week ago my sister asked my mum could she mind her child the same night which my mum said yes so now she has to look after 2 two year olds but that was fine, yesterday my mum told me that my sisters 5 year old went to the doctors and it looks like she has rubella/german measles which is one of the worst things you can catch while you are pregnant as it can result in deafness, blindness or brain problems in the baby (I'm 6 months pregnant), so even though my mum is not looking after the 5 year old who may have the measles she is looking after her 2 year old sister who has not had any symptoms of having it yet but it usually takes up to 21 days for the symptoms to come out if you have it and is highly contagious, as my son is yet to be immunised against german measles I didn't want to risk my little one being around either of my sisters kids because I can't even risk me getting it, so I have kicked up a bit of a fuss and told my mum that she can''t have them both and I think it's only fair seemings we asked first that she should still look after our son and either my sister or her husband should stay at home with their sick kid instead of passing it around, well now I am the worst in the world and apparently I am blowing it all out of proportion and my mum is still insisting that she should still have both kids, we don't have anyone else that can look after our son cause the wedding is my partners step-sisters wedding so all his family will be there. Do you think I am being unreasonable in not wanting her to have both the kids? do you think I am blowing it out of proportion? and do you think I should have to stay home from the wedding to take care of my own child or should they?

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Jen - posted on 02/02/2011

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i get your point now the sister husband is definley being selfish his child sick n he wants to go out on the piss its shows how much he cares. if theres nothing u can do the only thing can do is miss the wedding

Elizabeth - posted on 02/02/2011

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I believe you are completely in the right. I think it is acceptable for your mom to watch both kids when the one hasn't been exposed to a very contagious and dangerous illness. What is your sister doing..going out when her kid has german measles..who in their right mind would want to babysit that kid! Seriously...you should be upset.

Here's another perspective I just thought of...isn't your sister's entire family just as much a carrier of this as the 2 year child they have? Just a thought.

Tracy - posted on 02/02/2011

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Just because their younger one isn't showing symptoms, she can still carry it and pass it on to your child. Since that entire family has been exposed to the virus, they are all contaminated and can pass it along to others.

Bonnie - posted on 02/02/2011

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Their child is really sick I think they should stay home and care for their child and not put anyone else at risk.

Amanda - posted on 02/02/2011

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If your sister is going to the wedding to take pictures, you are being exposed anyway! So Im not sure where to stand on this.



Though I really hate it when I know a parent is out and about and leaving their sick children at home (and they dont think they themselves are spreading their childs illiness around while they are out).



Personally I think your mother should watch your child, since you did ask first, and esp if her hubby is just going out drinking with bubbies. WTF is wrong with parents these days when they cant cancle plans for a sick child!!

31 Comments

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User - posted on 03/20/2011

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pls I need an advice.. I"m in my 7 month of pregnancy and I've come in contact with my niece with it... Can my baby be in harm even I did not catch it.. I need an answer since I am very much confused and concerned for my baby thank you

[deleted account]

Have u had the MMR vaccine? All pregnant women r screened at the first antenatal visit to check for rubella levels. If they r not immune then they r advised to have a shot after delivery. If u r immune u won't get the rubella even if u r exposed.

Casey - posted on 02/08/2011

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I did read something about that the risk of anything happening to the unborn baby after 20 weeks is alot less but still it's not worth the risk, I did look at my sons immunisation chart because he is up to date with his immunisations but it says nothing about rubella or german measles I know he was immunised against chicken pox at 18 months but I was told that they don't get immunised against german measles untill they go to school but I'm not sure I know my sisters 5 year old hasn't been immunised against it yet and she is up to date with all her shots. I did ring my doctor as soon as I found out about it and she went back over my blood tests and she told me that I should be fine but also not to take the risk cause it's just not worth it and I completely agree with her I wouldn't risk my unborn babies health just for a night out, but I just think my sister shouldn't have expected me to either and because it was her child that was sick her husband should have stayed home with them instead of going out, but nevermind whats done is done I guess and it's not like they really care anyways.

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2011

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Also, after 20 weeks, there is VERY little chance that a rubella infection will cause complications for a baby, it is only dangerous for the baby during early pregnancy. So I think your risk is really minimal, and if your child is immunised, your risk is pretty much non-existant.

Nicole - posted on 02/08/2011

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I agreed with you. I'm glad it worked out for you. Playing it safe is always the right choice especially when you're pregnant.

Casey - posted on 02/08/2011

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Well I ended up going to the ceremony for 2 hours and then I came home and let my other half go to the reception on his own with his family, we ended up hiring a babysitter who was fantastic and our little boy had a great time with her, it was disapointing that I had to miss out cause my sister and her hubby are a bit selfish but my childrens health is more important. I didn't speak to either of them at the wedding and still haven't spoken to them now, I'm not going to harbour a grudge forever but I just don't feel like talking to her at the moment while I am still annoyed, thanks to everyone for the advice :)

Tami - posted on 02/07/2011

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Have you asked your dad to come babysit at your house? He seems to understand your situation. My Dad loved to come watch my girls when they were small. Don't risk the possible exposure. It's too risky for a few hours of celebration for a possible lifetime of heart ache. Your brother in law is an A$$ by the way. Hope it all works out for you.

Emma - posted on 02/03/2011

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NO you are not over reacting!!!!! i would feel the same way!! and i think you should attend the wedding and who ever has a sick child should be staying home with their own kids!! and i am agreeing with what everyone else has written! you are pregnant keep your children and you safe and away from all the germs SPECIALLY ones like measles!

Sharon - posted on 02/02/2011

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Your sister is a thoughtless, selfish .....

I'd be raving angry. I'd also call the school to tell them that a child with german measles was coming in. I'd be livid to be a pregnant mom with a child in that school. I was livid when something similar happened to me. I'm still fucking pissed about it even though things turned out just fine. For months we worried and stressed and wrestled with a question we didn't want to. Abort or not.

Your mom evidently loves your sister and her child more than you.

And now you have to watch your back with the MIL - wow, she's missing out the wedding to watch one child but not the other? Interesting.

There is so much at play here, it makes me ill.

Casey - posted on 02/02/2011

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Thanks everyone, I've talked to my partner and we have decided to hire a babysitter for a couple of hours so we can at least go to the ceremony and it just depends on how he copes with being looked after for the first time by a babysitter as to weather we go to the reception or not, we're really hoping he has a great time with his new sitter cause then she'll become our regular sitter which will save us from ever having to ask my mum again it's just always to much hassle, thanks again for all your advice and support :)

Tara - posted on 02/02/2011

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I wouldn't risk being in contact with anyone that may have been exposed to german measles/rubella while I was pregnant. My mother got a very mild case of german measles when she was pregnant with my middle sister. As a result of this, my sister was born with multiple birth defects, including 3 holes in her heart and an anal-vaginal fistula (basically there was no muscle wall separating her anus and her vagina). This resulted in a lot of painful surgeries for my sister before she was even a year old.
Under no circumstances would I ever put myself and my unborn child at that risk, and for your sister to expect you to do so is completely ignorant. Since your son has not been immunized, he is also at risk and I don't think you are over-reacting one tiny bit.

Isobel - posted on 02/02/2011

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I wouldn't be in contact with anybody who had been in contact with that whole family. Sorry, if it meant missing the wedding, I would miss it.

Casey - posted on 02/02/2011

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@ Alison thats the stupid thing about it all her husbands mum is looking after the sick 5 year old but for some reason that is completely beyond me she can't seem to have the 2 year old as well, I am starting to think that shes just trying to be difficult.
My mum told me that she was taking her kids to the doctors to find out for sure if either of them do still have it and are contagious but that hasn't happened and now they feel that because the rash has started to go away on the 5 year old that it's no longer important to get them both checked out, school starts back here tomorrow and her 5 year old is starting school for the first day and she is definitley sending her!!! so I can only hope that none of her teachers are pregnant or that none of the other kids catch it.
I'm so over my mum and sister down playing this they must think that because it doesn't directly effect them thats it's not worth worrying about.
I am going to ask around about babysitters today but because we live in a really small country town there isn't alot of options and there is no "professional babysitters" here that I know of but i am going to ask around, if worse comes to worse then I will stay home but I want be happy with either of them.

Blackwood - posted on 02/02/2011

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on another note, you could always have a pro come to take care of your child and if you are really wondering what is going on. Let them know that between the wedding and the dinner, you will pop in becuz your child is not used to new people and if you are really worry and I may get some slack on this one. Video tape, it's your home and child. You don't need to sit and watch the whole thing, but fast forward and if you see something you don't like what it. You're sister shouldn't be going at all. She can practice at at a later date and health comes first.

Blackwood - posted on 02/02/2011

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No, NO and No. Did I mention No you are not being unreasonable. You're sister on the other hand yes. She is the mother of a child that maybe be carrying something that can have very serious effects on you and other around her children. I would say that you need to speak with her and asked her if she really feels that you are over reacting. For her too speak with her doctor so they can tell her the risks of being around anyone let alone a child and a pregnant woman. Why would she want to risk harming you, your mom, your son, your unborn child or anyone else that she is choosing to be inconciderate towards. As for your mom, she is proberly under the beleives of what she was told when you guys were growing up and not educated on the up to date research. Plus she is more then likely excited. You did ask first, your sister is the one that is being selfish and in the end, you may just have to miss the wedding. Talk to your sister and assure her if the tables were turned even if you did ask first, you wouldn't be anyone is harms way. Best of luck

Alison - posted on 02/02/2011

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Who's watching the 5-year-old???

Here are my thoughts... my oldest was going to daycare every day while I was pregnant with my second. There is no way of knowing what she could pick up there, but noone told me I should quit my job and stay home with her because of the risk. Have you had a chance to ask your doctor??? If you can't convince your sister to leave her child home with her hubby, you need to find an alternate solution (ample suggestions have already been shared). Whether or not you are right, I don't think it is worth going to war over.

[deleted account]

Casey you are most definately in the right on this. Unfortunately you may have to skip the wedding, go by yourself and have your hubby watch your boy, or hire someone you don't know well(but highly recommended by a friend)

Casey - posted on 02/02/2011

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thanks for the advice and comments ladies, I hate sounding bitchy about it but I just don't think they get it and your right Tracy they have all been exposed to it and none of them should be going out until they all have the all clear but they don't seem to understand how serious it is to an unborn baby, I read that if your in the first trimester and you get it the doctor will usually recommend that you terminate the pregnanct because of what the likely outcome so it's pretty nasty stuff.
I am going to just see what happens and if my mum continues to insist on having both kids at the same time then I will just have to stay home cause I won't expose myself or my 2 year old to it just for someones wedding it's not worth it, but they will all know that I'm not happy cause I won't be nice about it. I spoke to my dad today about it and his on my side he said he won't have her kids at their house while they are sick so if she really wants to look after them she'll have to drive the half an hour to their house to look after her, so I am glad that he understands I just wish my mum cared as much as he did.

Alisha - posted on 02/02/2011

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i agree that the parents of the sick children should stay home with the sick children and not spread it especialy casue u are pregnant and so far along.... if worst comes to worst and u dont want ur mom to watch both kids due to increased chances of getting it can your 2 yearold go to the wedding as well? i think u should go online and print out a copy of what german misels can do to a pregnant person i would most deffeantly be worried about it....

Casey - posted on 02/02/2011

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She is training to be a photographer so shes going to be taking photos at the wedding that we're going to so I don't expect her to stay home but her husband is just going out drinking with his mates so I don't know why he can't stay home and look after them seemings he always goes out.
I do feel selfish for asking my mum to not look after both the kids at the same time, but I just can't risk my son getting german measles and passing them onto me while I am pregnant and I don't think my mum and sister understand how serious it is and how harmful it is to an unborn baby, it's just frustrating cause I never ever ask anyone to look after my son this is a one off thing for us and we're not even asking her to have him for the whole night (his never been away from me for a night) it's just for a few hours and my sister has my mum looking after her kids nearly everyday while she studies and works so I feel like I'm not really asking that much.
And my sister is only taking photos at the wedding untill 7:00pm max and then she can go home and look after her kids while her hubby goes out drinking I just don't know why they have to get rid of the kids for the whole night especially when one of them has something so serious.

Casey - posted on 02/02/2011

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I was going to see about hiring a babysitter but we live in a really small town and I don't really know anyone who I could trust to baby sit him but I will ask around and see if someone knows someone who is good.
Taking him to the wedding isn't an option otherwise I would have done that, and I just feel like seemings I asked over a month ago and the fact that the person who is having the wedding is family she should look after my son and if it is selfish and immature of me to not want to put my unborn child at risk of developing all kinds of horrible stuff then I'm happy to be called those things, but if the show was on the other foot and my child was sick I would never even dream of asking someone else to look after him and I definitley wouldn't put someone elses child at risk of getting sick, so perhaps I'm not the selfish one after all, I just don't know why one of them can't stay home and look after their kids if their sick and why I am the one who is expected to give up my plans as usual.

Jen - posted on 02/01/2011

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why cant you take the child to the wedding with you? when we am invited to wedding our two year old son is invited along we go to the wedding n reception n just leave after two hours so we can get him to bed. i think you should all count your blessing you have a fab mom who wants to look after all these kids you cant really tell her you cant look after so so because we asked first its a bit imature you either take the chance n let you rmom look after your child or take your child to the wedding or you dont go.

Stifler's - posted on 02/01/2011

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They should keep their kid home and not put your mums life at risk!

Sneaky - posted on 02/01/2011

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You are NOT blowing it out of proportion! Have you tried the rational approach and explained the reality of what will happen to your unborn baby if you get german measles? If your mother refuses to accept reality then hell yes!!! Kick up a giant fuss women, you are six months pregnant and have the hormones going on to really cause a scene!



Yes, I do think that you should have babysitting priority since you asked first and yes I do think your sister is a selfish irresponsible cow for not giving up her plans when one of her children got sick. Some people are just selfish and have priorities other than their children unfortunatley.



You might have to hire a professional for the night - is it possible that your mum would say she was only going to look after your child and then 'sneak' your sisters into the house too?

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