am I over-reacting?

Nellie - posted on 08/10/2011 ( 100 moms have responded )

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My roommate/best friend offered to babysit for me when I went back to work. My daughter is almost 14months old. I kept asking her if she was sure she wanted to, I would pay her, but my daughter is extremely high demand, and she said that she was absolutely certain she could handle it. There have been times when she's promised to help me with something, then tells me she's just going to close her eyes for 10 minutes, she's not going to sleep. 10 minutes later, she's snoring away. When she was getting ready to babysit one morning, less then 15 minutes until I walked out the door, she crashed on the couch and "closed her eyes". Immediately I tapped her, and she spazzed out at me, saying I was over-reacting, and that she was just closing her eyes. I told her that I knew she had been up the night before until at least 3am, (I had gotten up to go to the washroom and she was just chillin playing games online) So I told her I knew she had been up, she was obviously tired and was starting to fall asleep on the job. And that I didn't believe that bulls*** about her "closing her eyes, because she had fallen asleep on me before. She quit on the spot, and continues to deny that she did anything wrong, and instead she insists that I'm the unreasonable one and I'm the one who over-reacted. Who's right? I just want to make sure that I didn't over-react. The way I see it, she needs to treat it like a real job, and not slacking off just because I'm her friend. She claims she'd never sleep on the job, but she also promised to help out several times and fell asleep then.

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Jenn - posted on 08/10/2011

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I wouldn't trust for a minute that she wouldn't snooze while watching your baby. Not like your baby can tell on her babysitter anyway! She isn't exhibiting the responsibility needed to care for a high demand, mobile 14 month old. Trusting your child in someone else's care is already stressful as it is! Go with your mom instinct. If you feel your child isn't being cared for 100% safely, you are probably right.

[deleted account]

No i wouldn't say your over-reacting and I certainly wouldn't trust her to look after any baby!

Kate CP - posted on 08/10/2011

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If she can't stay awake she can't watch your baby. Plain and simple.

Nikki - posted on 08/11/2011

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Sounds like maybe there is a bigger problem going on with her and I would definetly not leave your child with her. I had a smiliar issue with my sister...I was gone for 20 minutes to buy new toothbruses and she was a asleep with my 18 month old twins screaming when I got back. It turns out, she was on drugs and no one in my family had any idea. Im not saying thats what it is, but its certainly a possibility.

Heidi - posted on 08/10/2011

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you are absolutely in the right. this isn't a dog or something, this is your child. and especially at that age you can't take your eyes off them for more than 2 seconds. what happens if she "closes" her eyes and passes out and doesn't wake up when something happens to your daughter. you are very much right on this one. stand your ground definitely!

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[deleted account]

I have an odd question. Was the baby awake when she fell asleep? If she is a light sleeper and the baby was asleep then I don't see how napping while the baby is asleep and safe in a crib could hurt anything. If the baby is up and running around then no u didn't over react. I say this coming from both ends I used to babysit my niece (from birth til 2yrs. when we moved away from each other) her mom and I worked opposite shifts I worked 7pm-3am her mom worked 6am- 3pm. I would come in from work and sleep until my niece woke up then I would get up and take care of her. Then when I put her down for a nap I would take a nap. I am also a mom of 2 who has had to leave my babies in the care of others and I wish some of them had treated my kids as good as I treated their kids.It's sad when u send 5 outfits for a 6 month old and pick her up in the same outfit u dropped her in and it's dirty and stinks of formula.

Natasha - posted on 10/01/2011

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you are not over reacting. I would have freaked right out!! I would probrably also move or have her move too lol... Don't trust her with your child... this is a wonderful example of how someone loses their child. Find a resonsible, licensed, professional daycare with people who actually went to school to look after children. you are all around right, she should treat it as a real job. jenn is right when she says trust your mommy instincts!

Keisha - posted on 09/13/2011

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Your baby is a precious gift from God and I don't think you are wrong to be concerned. Finding another babysitter is probably the best idea if you want to save your baby and your friendship.

Sarah - posted on 09/07/2011

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i would never trust her at all she would fall asleep watching her and im sure she has

Kristen - posted on 09/07/2011

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If she's going to watch your child she needs to listen to your needs and be available and ready to watch your child. "Closing your eyes" on the couch is acceptable. It seems you have told her your daughter's needs and if she's not meeting them she shouldn't be watching her. God forbid something were to happen during one of these breaks. Is that really a risk you're willing to take?

Tereesa - posted on 09/05/2011

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You had every right to act how you did when it came to your child. I know from experince you can never close your eyes. I knew this young lady and her mother was drinking and fell asleep and her two kids managed to go out the front door and the cops were called and cps ended up taking the kids. It is better to be safe when it comes to the care of your child/children.

[deleted account]

You are totally right and definitely NOT overreacting.

She's not really a great best friend.

And she certainly should not be staying up the whole night if she knows that she's babysitting for you the very next day.

The only reason she's denying it is because she probably knows you're going to fire her (which I don't blame you for, I would too).

You are much better off finding someone else you know really well and can trust 100%.

You can find a wonderful trusting babysitter at www.care.com

Good Luck Nellie.

Obiora Ikedionwu - posted on 09/03/2011

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You were not over-eacting. Its your kid we are talking aabout here and the care has to be spontaneous, not pushed.

Jessica - posted on 08/29/2011

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By the sounds of things she actually was the one that over reacted. As a mother that is your right to make sure your child is taken care of by someone who can give all there energy and attention to your child, that's what we have to do as mothers right? I think you had every right to tap her on the head and make sure that your baby was being taken care of properly. I have had babysitters fall asleep before, and I am ok with it if my child is asleep and they have a baby monitor on. I feel you were acting as a responsible, careing, and loveing mother. You know what is best for your child. Good luck.

KRYSTA - posted on 08/28/2011

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YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING ABOUT THIS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT , ITS OK IF YOU ARE ... THAT IS YOUR BABY .... YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE BEST CARE FOR YOUR 14 MONTH OLD !! FOLLOW UR GUT ... IF SHE IS GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU ABOUT THE THINGS SHE IS DOING AND YOU DONT LIKE IT , ID FIND SOMENE I COULD TRUST BETTER !! GOOD LUCK

KRYSTA - posted on 08/28/2011

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UMM NO YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING AT ALL !! IF SOMEONE IS GOING TO BABYSIT YOUR CHILD , THEY NEED TO BE UP AND READY FOR ANYTHING !! NOT SAYING ANYTHING IS GONNA HAPPEN BUT WITH A 14 MONTH OLD , YOU NEVER KNOW !! SHE CAME OVER AND RIGHT AWAY FELL ASLEEP ON UR COUCH , I WOULD TRUST HER WIT HMY KIDS AT ALL .... GO WITH UR MOMMY GUT FEELING .. IF IT DOESNT SEEM RIGHT DONT DO IT , F YOU DONT LIKE IT AND YOU TALK TO THE BABYSITTER AND SHE GIVES YOU AN ATTITUDE ABOUT IT , STILL DONT DO IT !! ID FIND SOMEONE MORE RESPONSIBLE !! GOOD LUCK ON THIS

Veronica - posted on 08/27/2011

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no youre not you have your babys best interest and deep down inside you kno your not over reacting so dont let her baby sit anything can happen and what can she say oh i was closing my eyes thats not goin to repair any damage to your baby or even worse if shes that irresponcible you never know who she might invite over while your at work and god forbid that they do something to your baby and what is she going to say i closed my eyes for a second and the damage to your baby is already there and irreversible
best of luck

Kristi - posted on 08/26/2011

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you are so not over reacting i would feel the same way. WHose to say she would not fall asleep after you left

[deleted account]

No you arent. Clearly not right to go to sleep while caring for small children. I'm not defending her, but if she doesnt have kids herself, she probably doesnt 'get' how important this is.

Yvette - posted on 08/24/2011

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I knew it was time for my son's babysitter to stop keeping kids when I would come in to drop my son off and she would be laid across her bed asleep while the children (mostly toddlers age 1 - 3) were wandering around the house. She was elderly and was keeping kids to bring in income but she was approaching the time when she could no longer supervise the children properly. I think you did the right thing because your roommate was not in a position to stay up and watch your child if she had no sleep the night before. I know many times as a mother with young children it is hard to get a nap in, because you want to keep an eye on what they are doing.

Lori - posted on 08/23/2011

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You need to get someone reliable. Your baby is the most important person in your life. Obviously your friend would rather stay up and play computer games all night, so how can she possibly watch a child all day without falling asleep or being crabby to your child. Let her go.

Lori - posted on 08/23/2011

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You need to get someone reliable. Your baby is the most important person in your life. Obviously your friend would rather stay up and play computer games all night, so how can she possibly watch a child all day without falling asleep or being crabby to your child. Let her go.

Debbie - posted on 08/19/2011

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Your right@! Anything can happen in a split second even when you are wide awake

Dee - posted on 08/18/2011

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A mums instinct is a very good indicator of what is right for her and her child. Sounds like your roomie has underestimated the attention any child in her care needs(regardless of age).

Brooklyn - posted on 08/17/2011

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Working with friends to either have them watch your children or you to watch theirs is never a good idea. For one time occasions it's fine but not long term. No one takes it as seriously as they should. I was babysitting my best friend's daughter as well and my own and another but when I started commenting on her daughter's bowel problems and how at 18 months she had not been to the doctor since she was a year old (missing her 15 and 18 month check-ups) she spazzed and I've never saw her again and I really cared about her. It's sad.

Wanda - posted on 08/17/2011

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your child is your MOST PRECIOUS PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. guard her carefully. I would have fired that sitter..

I'm a great grandmother. and I do not understand why women leave there children with men either. they do not have a maternal instinct to even care for children they just want to (make babies). there are a few exceptions but not many.I was very fortunate when my children were little had a mother of 5 who helped me with my children while I went to work and school. My grand children were in the College Nursery and they were only 13 months apart. and those children are in College now and still have a lasting friendship with the young ladies who cared for them in that college nursery. They were excellent child care givers. and my daughter in law could see her children on break or between classes. Peace of mind means alot. but you Child ALWAYS comes first. not matter what.

Diana - posted on 08/16/2011

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You did the right thing especially since you got to see first hand how she watched her 11 month old nephew. She would have been watching your daughter the same way. I know my youngest used to put everything in her mouth. I kept a close eye on her & she STILL could find things to put in her mouth; carpet fuzz, itty bitty pieces of paper, pebbles carried in on shoes, shoes, dog food, string, the TV remote, her older sister...and she was a quick little bugger too. It was exhausting! We were vigilant though and I'm happy to report that she made it 9 yrs old now. LOL. It's nice that you and your friend are still able to be friends, but also good that you recognize that just because you can trust her with your friendship doesn't mean that you can trust her with your baby. I'm sure it makes you a little sad and disappointed that you can't depend on her in this area, but when it comes to your baby it's best to put friendship aside. I was in a similar situation when my oldest daughter was born, only it was a family member (my younger sister) who only watched her for 2 days/wk. I nicely said that I thought she was overwhelmed with her own 2 and mine & found another sitter to pick up her days. She is still my best friend though and was actually thankful that I recognized it because she didn't want to disappoint me. We did find excellent, inexpensive care for our kids through www.care.com. Both my girls are in school now & needed summer care. We combine our 2 girls with our neighbor's 2 children of the same age and paid $200/family each week to watch them at our house instead of $400/family for summer camp (actually cheap around our area). We've used them 2 years now and have had awesome sitters both years. We would have used the same sitter this year, but she had to pick up some extra classes for college. We have another college sitter for the summer who is also fabulous. Yesterday she taught them how to make paper mache & we came home to lots of little sculptures, 4 happy kids, & very little mess. She takes them to the local free summer movies and finds all sorts of things to do with them. She is great! She treats them just like they are her nieces & nephews & they absolutely LOVE her. As a matter of fact, my oldest was annoyed with me a few weeks ago because I took her to the doctor for a bee sting reaction and she was missing her time with the sitter. LOL.

Nellie - posted on 08/15/2011

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chelsea, top of the line child care where i live is $600, and thats the college daycare which is the best of the best...ive interviewed them extensively and insepcted every square corner. so i expect for $500, just under my towns top of the line child care, to be getting what i pay for. but because of the late nights i work, i couldnt find anyone to babysit for that price, just because theyd be workin till 2am, so now im dishin out over $1000 a month. which i consider insane since the college daycare offers soooo much more for so less

Chelsea - posted on 08/15/2011

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You totally did not over react. But in terms of thinking $500 a month is top of the line care, you are wrong. That is half (or less) then what most people pay for monthly chlid care.

Ramona - posted on 08/15/2011

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Anytime you feel a situation (regardless of the people involved family & friends alike) is not right, trust yourself. No you were not wrong in your decision and thankfully nothing has happened to your daughter on prior occasions in case she did happen to close her eyes and u just not know. I am a single mom and my friends all think I'm paranoid to not be willing to leave my children with anyone (family and friends alike). My 2 year old is high strung where I can never leave him around my 9 month old for even a few seconds because he plays to rough. You are your daughter's first line of defense and you have judged wisely. And I do agree with a few other comments regarding your roommate, start looking for another one. If she knew she was to watch your daughter and stayed up playing games. That's a level of irresponsibility you cannot fix nor will it go away overnight.

Nellie - posted on 08/14/2011

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Kathy, I get what I pay for? We had agreed on $500/mth...I was paying for top of the line child care

Kathy - posted on 08/14/2011

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You get what you pay for. Caring for kids is a huge responsibility and if something goes wrong you cannot just replace your daughter. Don't chance it.

Terri - posted on 08/14/2011

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You are not overreacting my friend. When it comes to our own kids you can never be too careful. My daughter left her lazy jobless boyfriend who watched the kids when she was at work. She found out he was listening to music on his headphones and ignoring my 7 year old grandson who is also highly demanding. He wouldn't even say goodnight or tuck him in bed. All he did was ignore him when he needed attention except to yell at him if he got in the way of his irresponsible play, relaxing time. He and my daughter also had a 2 year old daughter together, and yes, he was found, many times, sleeping on the job. The reason your friend quit so quickly and gets defensive, denying anything is because she knows she's guilty. Don't ever feel like you're doing someone else a possible disservice. It doesn't even matter if you are, in light of the fact that your daughter comes first. Always!

Michelle - posted on 08/14/2011

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You absolutetly DID NOT overreact. It only takes 2 minutes of resting your eyes for your 14 month to walk out a door and drown, or grab a knife from the kitchen, or stick something in a light socket. Your roommate sounds VERY immature and irresponsible. Always go by your gut when you feel something is unsafe, and I am proud of you for not taking the easy way out and making your child and her safety your number 1 priority.

Katherine - posted on 08/14/2011

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Wow. Maybe no child should be in her care. If I were you I would have flipped, it's good to hear you got someone else.

Nellie - posted on 08/14/2011

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There have been many comments saying that I'm irresponsible by leaving my daughter with her when I knew she couldn't handle, so I just wanted to clear things up. The only times she's fallen asleep on me is when she promised me she would help me go grocery shopping, because getting $200 worth of food while taking care of a baby isn't so easy. She had never to my knowledge closed her eyes on the job before this incident. Yes, I knew she stayed up all night, but she swore up and down that she could handle it. She told me that my daughter wouldn't give her the opportunity to fall asleep, and that when my daughter was napping, she was cleaning, so there was absolutely no chance she could fall asleep...so she claimed. And she has always gone above and beyond with me daughter, helping me out more then what she needs to. She absolutely loves my daughter. And I thought she could handle it. When she quit on the spot, she said she was quieting for the day, not forever. But because of her "closing her eyes on the job" and backing out last minute, I told her to find another job and I hired someone else who I interviewed extensively. She apologized and we're still friends, but I'm never leaving my daughter in her care again. And I'm very glad that I caught this when I did...she was babysitting her nephew for the night yesterday at our place, he's 11 months old, and she was on Facebook almost the entire time while he was crawling around, trying to eat paper, etc. He was completely out of her sight and she just stayed on Facebook. He had a poopy bum, I told her, half an hour later, she got around to changing it. I kept an eye on him because it wasn't fair to him that no one was watching him.

Maryellen - posted on 08/13/2011

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obviously she isn't responsible enough to look after your child, using friendship is no excuse for her. you are better to hire someone with proper qualifications or a registered child care facility
your childs safety is at stake and you have to be sure she is being looked after properly

Cindy - posted on 08/13/2011

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no you're not over reacting. Get a new roommate and find a responsible dayhome or daycare for your child. Don't go to friends ... the intentions are good but it never works out in the end.

Karen - posted on 08/13/2011

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It sounds like you already know the answer to your question...she's unreliable and this is your childs safety on the line here. Does she know what can happen to a baby if ones eyes are closed for one minute? Tragedy. You didn't over react!!!

Karen - posted on 08/13/2011

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It sounds like you already know the answer to your question...she's unreliable and this is your childs safety on the line here. Does she know what can happen to a baby if ones eyes are closed for one minute? Tragedy. You didn't over react!!!

Amelia - posted on 08/13/2011

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Trust your instinct. She is a great friend for offering. However, the past is the best indicator of future behaviors.

Maureen - posted on 08/13/2011

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Why are you even considering using her to care for your child? This is too important to rely on anyone but professionals. If you already had issues with her, then please either have a trusted person (family member/friend) or a daycare care for the wellbeing and growth of your child.

Bernadette - posted on 08/13/2011

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if you are paying her, then yes - she needs to treat it like a real job. Even if you are not paying her, she needs to be responsible if she has made the offer to look after your child. A child cannot be allowed to run around the house while the only adult in the house sleeps. They could get up to anything! Break things...turn on the stove...climb furniture that could possibly fall on them...let themselves out into the street...get into cleaning products or medicines... The possiblities are endless and the ramifications devastating. If she can not see that by offering to babysit she is offering to take responsibility of the safety and well-being of your child then she shouldn't have offered at all. Makes no difference if you are paying her or not. She has offered to let you put your child's life in her hands. Falling asleep is not acceptable.

Nguemo Vivian - posted on 08/13/2011

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Do what is best for your child before you regret it,do not think twice about it,because this is the stage you need 100% attention for the child.take away sentiment let your rm mates bf go,she is incompetent of looking after ur child.she wnt look after mine foor even half a second .no way.get a proper person who knows her job or daycare if you want peace of mind.
Goodluck

Edna - posted on 08/12/2011

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personnaly i wouldn't leave my child with this woman, she can't be trusted to stay awake to take care of her and you'd never forgive yourself if something happened and you knew she was unrelieable. i suggest you find someone you trust.

Vanessa - posted on 08/12/2011

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I would certainly not trusted her with my child. You have to be able to completely rely on someone for you to be confident to leave your baby with them. You were right

Christina - posted on 08/12/2011

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I agree with you. Several people do not realize what could happen in very short period of time. They underestimate children.If you don't feel comfortable don't leave your child with her. Stick to your guns mom.

Kimberly - posted on 08/12/2011

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No way did you over react! Your child comes first and your "friend" was being very selfish. Better to find a professional to care for your child, or see if you can manage to remain at home.

Stephanie - posted on 08/12/2011

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My daughter also goes to a Montessori School/Daycare... They are the best and understand that kids are very active at that age. I think it's stupid that other people wouldn't understand this. They are active and curious because they are learning a new world!

Janet - posted on 08/12/2011

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Everyone's advice is right, always stick to your instincts. You know that she would be unreliable and yes this is a baby and with that massive responsibilities. You cannot stay up all night and then look after baby specially if it is not your own. So you are better off putting your baby in a professional environment or someone with experience or credentials.

Ronda - posted on 08/12/2011

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When it concerns your child's safety, there is no over-reacting. People with no kids have no clue.

Trazzia - posted on 08/12/2011

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Your not over reacting that is your child she is keeping. Maybe she need to see a dr about her sleeping problem. Also you should never do business with friends and or family. Put your baby in a daycare . So she or he can be use to being around other kids. Good Luck

Maureen - posted on 08/12/2011

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I wouldn't even think twice about this. She does not inspire confidence, you have evidence of her lack of employability preparation and you have to think of your child's welfare. If she falls asleep during the day and your child gets ill or hurt, how would you ever live with that?

Sue - posted on 08/12/2011

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It's not a matter of who's right. What matters is "are you comfortable with her caring for your child"? I guess the answer is "NO" The worst thing in the world is going to work then spending your day worring about your child...Be happy you found out about her habits before it was to late and your child was left unattended and got hurt. It may cost you more money but find a family child care provider or a well qualfied center. I guess I can say I have been doing family childcare for 20 years and I don't watch children of my friends or immediate neighbors. It just doesn't work. Having someone that isn't a friend give you and them a more professional relationship. I say be glad this happened now. Hopefully, the friendship can be saved. Good Luck to you.

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