Stacey - posted on 09/13/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )
I am just all over the place, in panic mode one minute freaking out, than questioning myself thinking I'm over reacting. I really need a sounding board so that I can make a good decision for my childrens physical and mental well being. I have two children, girl age 11, boy age 8. They are from my previous marriage of which I left when I was pregnant with my now 8 yr old son.
I started dating my current husband when I was pregnant and we moved in together when my son was 6mo old & daughter 3 and we married shortly after. So my husband has been a part of my sons life since he was born and a part of my daughters life since she was young.
My husband held my son a lot when my son was little, and bonded much more with him than my daughter. My son is a naturally kind hearted boy always concerned with other peoples feelings and not wanting to hurt them. My daughter is very kind hearted as well, but much more assertive to not doing something if she doesnt want to, where my son will go along with things to make others happy.
My head is spinning, my husband and I have been having marriage problems for the past couple years and I am contemplating divorce so I am all over the place. One thing that infuriates me is my husband pressuring my children for hugs and kisses. I have told my husband kisses on the cheek are not appropriate anymore and the kids should only hug him if they want to. My husband ignores me and continues to pressure them and my daughter refuses, but my son reluctantly goes along with it and my husband kisses him on the cheek, which my son has asked him not to do as well as I have and it makes me and my son uncomfortable.
I think I need to divorce my husband and provide a safe feeling home for my children and stay single until my children are adults as dysfunctional man are drawn to me like the plague and I am apparently oblivious until years of drama into the relationship. Am I over reacting to feel this way? I read some material on passive aggressive men and the description matches my husband and I am freaking out on what damage I am doing to my children with my bad choices and I don't want to make any more.
On a side note, I left my first husband as he was verbally and emotionally abusive. His time with the kids is on a when he feels like it basis (if we don't have plans) as I don't want him to have them if he is grumpy as he will take it out on them. (About 1 night a week) When he is in a positive mood his time with them is rewarding for them and they feel loved by their dad, he is the father role in their life more so than my current husband who is mostly uninvolved but has mood swings where he tries to be overly involved, followed by other mood swings where he is a royal jerk, which I am now connecting to when he is mad. Example my daughter would not hug him and I yelled at him to stop trying to make her, he did stop but but then didn't talk to her for two days after that, another example, my husband read my credit card statement and made huge check marks on it and put it on the center of the table for when I came home to see. I asked him if he was mad about my charges and he said no than proceeded to poke my son and pester my son despite my sons and my repeat requests to stop, he didnt finally stop until I yelled intimidatingly and then he gave me a look of bewildermeant as if I am the one out of line.