am i right in being angry at my sister in law

Michelle - posted on 03/07/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )




my 15 yr old had confided in my sister in law that she and her friends were going to catch the train to sydney for mardi gras and she felt it not necessary to tell me or her brother which is my daughters step father and took it on herselve to text through the night to see if she was would you deal with this all advice welcome. Thanks


View replies by

Michelle - posted on 03/08/2011




Thanks guys for all your great daughter & i have a pretty good & open relationship but guess when it comes to things she knows is off limits for her such as mardi gras she will definetly only confide in those who are going to give her permission to do so. Im not an overly strict parent she does have freedom to the extent i believe a 15yr old should but drinking & sydney are def a NO NO for her at this age. I had a good talk to her in a calm manner about the conciquences of such a silly decsion like training it to sydney with a bunch of other 15yr olds which at that age they dont thinnk about, she understands now and admits herself it was a silly thing to do as she realised after doing so she said"it could of been easy to lose everyone then i dont know what i would of done" so hopefully she has learnt and realises the rules i have in place are out of love for her & her safety. Peita my partner is on the same page as me and is disapointed she never let us know he has since been round to her place to let her know this and to make the boundries of her roll as an aunty in our daughters life clear but she is yet to open the door to him and talk. Im glad my daughter feels comftable to confide in others but when it can be potentially dangerous for her i only hope the adult involved is mature enough to feel they can prevent it by speaking up instead of texting the next day (and i quote) hope your ok was worried you might of been kidknapped or murdered) If she felt that in the first place why did she allow her to go & not speak up!!!

Peita - posted on 03/08/2011




WOW, Mardi Gras is no place for a 15 yo girl and I would be feeling the same way as you about my SIL if she had gone behind my back with something so big!! I always say to other peoples children to 'ask your mum and dad first'!!! How does your husband feel about what his sister has done?? I hope he is on the same wave as you and it isn't causeing friction between you guys!! It's so hard when it's family who have been deceitful!!!

Mabel - posted on 03/07/2011




I would ask the SIL if she would have allowed HER kids to do that kind of thing and only let you know about it.Turn the situation around on her ans see how she feels to be put there like you were with your daughter.Maybe then she will realize how stupid she was and how she over stepped your boundaries.

User - posted on 03/07/2011




I would have been mad at my SIL for not telling me. I would be even more upset with my child for going behind my back and going.

[deleted account]

I would certainly be livid and since my girls are only 9 I can't say for sure how I would react. I fully agree that your sil was out of place, but.... I also think it's a good thing that at least your daughter trusted SOMEONE enough to tell her what was going on. Both your daughter and sil need to know that as her mother... YOU should've been told and consequences definitely need to be inforced. I'm just concerned that if you come down too hard on them they will lose the bond that had your daughter trusting your sil in the first place. Then what happens next time?

I don't know. Like I said, my girls are only 9.... I'm just trying to look at this from every angle (and practice my reactions for when MY girls are teens).

Bonnie - posted on 03/07/2011




You have every right to be mad at your sister inlaw. That is completely wrong. Obviously your daughter confided in her because she knew you would say no (which you had every right to). What would your sister inlaw have done if something went terribly wrong while you daughter was away? Maybe you should ask your sister inlaw this and see what her reaction and comments are.

Michelle - posted on 03/07/2011




Thanks for you comment Christy let me tell you my daughter is in BIG BIG trouble she has lost all privilages. I confronted my sil first to ask if she knew and she lied to me & said no, when asked my daughter what adults knew she said aunty K i was livid she is a 37yr old mother of 3 who i thought should of kown better. She will no longer be having anything to do with any of my children coz i simply just cant trust her and am so annoyed that she had control over a potentially dangerous situation and did nothing but encourage by supporting it. It is so refreshing to know if you were in same boat you would feel the same.

Christy - posted on 03/07/2011




OMG that is really bad of her to not tell you. I would FIRST confront your daughter, and talk to her about how wrong it was for her to go behind your back. THEN I would talk to SIL about how WRONG she was to take the upper hand and see fit to allow your daughter to tell her and NOT tell you about this escapade, and then take texts all night to "make sure she was OK.". WTF? That's not HER daughter, she's yours!!!!

I would totally ground my daughter for being so dishonest and take away any privilages (SP) she may have...cell phone, talking to friends, going out to places, etc. I would also limit or eliminate her being able to hang out with your sister in law. What she did was crap and she shouldn't be surprised by your reaction.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms