Am I selfish for wanting to pull my daughter out of preschool?

Raquel - posted on 10/10/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )




My almost 3 year old daughter started preschool a few weeks ago. During these weeks, I have felt major separation anxiety. I am a stay at home mom and have been since day one. My daughter is my life, my everything. She is very advanced for her age so my husband thought that it would be very beneficial for her to be in school, not stay home with me. I know that no school is perfect and that no one will take as good care of her as I do, but I feel as if children grow up so fast. I want this time with her. My husband thinks that I am being selfish by thinking this way. That I need to let go and let her be with friends and keep busy and do projects. It kills me to see her off to school everyday. I feel like I am missing out on valuable time with her. Just the idea of pulling my daughter out of school gets my husband very upset. I just think that he doesn't really know the separation that I am going through. Ever since my daughter has started school, my life completely changed. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!


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Dove - posted on 10/10/2012




If your DAUGHTER is doing well in school and enjoying it... then yes, I think you would be selfish to pull her out. Being a parent isn't about catering to OUR issues, but helping our children to grow up and be self sufficient. Do you really think your separation anxiety will lessen when she starts kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, goes away to college, etc...?? You have to start SOMEWHERE.

If she is having adjustment issues as well then I see nothing wrong with pulling her out for a year as long as the two of you find some other way to start dealing with the separation issues... since you will both have to face it eventually.

Jodi - posted on 10/10/2012




How many days/hours a week is your daughter in pre-school? That is very young for her to be going to school every day. Even at 4, my daughter was only going 2 1/2 days a week (some kids did a straight 2 1/2 days, other did 5 half days). I don't believe going full time is in HER best interests at this age and I am not a fan. However, if you are pulling her out only to relieve YOUR separation anxiety, then yes, you are being selfish and you need to work on your issues.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/10/2012




Can you compromise and have her in pre school 2-3 days per week or for half days? Social interaction is very important for children. If you decide to home school, that is your business (and your husbands) but social interaction is a must.

Ariana - posted on 10/10/2012




If you really don't enjoy having her at school all the time maybe you should have her in a preschool that's only half days, or some sort of program that runs three days a week. This would give her the schooling and socializing she needs while still giving you bonding time.

I personally believe children should be with their parents as much as possible. You can give her a lot of one on one attention that she just won't get from a preschool teacher.

On another note you do need to start doing things that define who YOU are. What interests do you have? Are there clubs you can join? Maybe you can join a book club, or some sort of sports thing. Start building your own interests/hobbies.

I think a compromise of finding another location that allows for her to get some socialization while not being in a every day full-time program could be a solution that works for everyone.

Denikka - posted on 10/10/2012




I think you should really look at why you want to pull her out.

If she's happy going, doing well, learning and making friends and the only reason you want to pull her out is because you miss the time with her, then I would say yes, that is a selfish reason for doing it.

You need to remember what's best for your daughter may not necessarily be what's best, or easiest for you. It's a very hard lesson to learn.

I would suggest finding some other way to cope with your daughter going to school. Find something to do with your time :) Find a hobby, you can even volunteer to work inside the school to be closer to your daughter. Maybe get a part time job that you can work while your daughter is out of the house.

I know it's very difficult. But you can make it through it :) It's only been a few weeks. If she's happy there, I say let her stay :)

Becky - posted on 10/10/2012




How long is in school for? While a child definitely needs her mother, a child also needs to have some playtime with other kids their age. I think this would be a perfect time for you to find a hobby for yourself. You deserve to have a little "me time" while she's away. There are many things that you can do. Read a good book, is there a book club around? How about a MOPS in your area? Get a mani/pedi. Go see a movie. Go for a walk. Join a gym. Do some volunteer work. Do anything to get your mind off of the anxiety. If you find something that you love to do during the school hours, then you'll look forward to that time too. The key is to keep yourself busy :)

Good luck.

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