Am I Spanking Reasonably?

Katelyn Mia - posted on 02/10/2016 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My 7-year-old son can be quite the challenge sometimes. He picks fights with some other kids because they're "annoying" (luckily he fights with kids his age, no one younger or older), he back talks, and he insults his older sister. I usually just put him in time out for 7 minutes, or take away his DS for a few days, but when it gets really out of hand, I spank. I have been spanking only occasionally, starting when my kids are six. I only do the amount of swats of their age (so I swat my son 7 times since he's 7), and never with an implement. Many people disagree with spanking, so I was wondering: Am I spanking my son reasonably, and appropriately?

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Raye - posted on 02/11/2016

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If you have to swat more than a couple times, then the spanking is not working.
If you have to swat hard enough to hurt your hand, and want to use some other object, then the spanking is not working.
If you have to spank bare bottom to get it to sting more, then the spanking is not working.
If spanking is not working, then try other methods of discipline.

I'm with Jodi, you need different ways of discipline. Removing privileges and trying to randomly catch them in the act of being good and praising them are two good methods. If he is back talking or insulting people, you need to stop it. Send him to his room until he can speak respectfully. Talk to him about the kids he fights with at school. HOW are they annoying? Are they bullying him? How could he respond differently next time to avoid the fight? Think these things out and give him better options to try next time.

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2016

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Honestly, another one that thinks 7 swats is okay? OMG......WTF is wrong with some people?

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Michelle - posted on 02/11/2016

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I'm with the other ladies who are saying that it's not needed.
There are other ways to discipline children. 7 is too old to be spanking.
You need to find his currency and make him work for it. Also talk to the school and find out what is actually happening. I also suggest having a good listen to him and ask him why the other kids are "annoying". Discuss ways he can deal with the situations other than getting into fights. You need to give him the tools to make the right decisions, he won't just know what to do.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/11/2016

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She asked if her punishment was reasonable and appropriate. We have given our opinions on that.

No, IMO, her punishment is neither REASONABLE, nor APPROPRIATE. Not when the child in question's cognitive skills are above an infant's level.

Sonia - posted on 02/11/2016

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Maybe set aside time just you and him a few times a week in a quiet place and let him talk to you about his day, just listen, maybe he just wants your attention.

Sonia - posted on 02/11/2016

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Everyone is acting like shes an abusive mom. She's not abusing her child. She needs advice from other moms, not to be made out to be a monster. I agree with the comment to ask your son questions as to why he feels they are annoying. Reward good behavior. Maybe ask the teacher whats going on at school. Take away favorite toys or activities and have him work hard to get them back, whether its chores or whatever you feel. Your doing great mama, and dont let people make you feel bad. Best of luck 😉 .. Also, my son started hitting puberty at 8 years old maybe your son is aswell, emotions are allover the place.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/11/2016

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If you cannot find an effective way to communicate with a 7 YEAR OLD that does not involve abuse, then I'd suggest a parenting class or two.

I stopped spanking when my kids were old enough to understand our native language. That was, oh, around the age of 3.

IMO, no, you aren't using this 'punishment' reasonably.

Dove - posted on 02/11/2016

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Last night I only paid attention to the fact that you spank and not WHAT your kid is doing... Picking fights? Yeah... the kids in this neighborhood that pick fights (usually w/ my almost 8 year old since he's a sweetheart and refuses to fight back... making him an easy target) are the kids I hear getting yelled at, swore at, and hit by their parents on a regular basis. Kids that bully others (like your son is doing) are almost always being bullied or neglected in some way in their own lives.

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2016

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I am not totally anti-spanking, a swat on a diapered bum when one of my kids was running into the street for example. After age 3 I never found the need to spank, why do you think your other methods do not work and your only option is to hit your child? That is not working either, or you'd not have to repeat the process.

Morten - posted on 02/11/2016

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it sounds to me that the way you spank your son is a good way when you have tried other things first I approve

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2016

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So let me get this straight. Your son is picking fights with other kids and you think hitting him will teach him that fighting is not okay.......ooooookay.

Spanking a 7 year old is totally unnecessary. Tine out becomes ineffective as kids get older. You need more tools in your toolbox. How about rewarding X number of days without incident - you could remove the DS and use it as a reward only. Or TV time as a reward for good choices. There are so MANY things that you can do.

Also if you think swatting a kid 7 time is okay, I would strongly suggest parenting classes, because where I am from, that's actually abuse and could result in having your children removed.

And Becky Lynn.......really? Hitting kids with implements? Ugh. I can't believe there are still people in this day and age who condone that.

Ev - posted on 02/10/2016

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There is no such thing as reasonable and appropriate to spanking. Anymore it has been taken out of context on how and when to use it, at what ages, and whether it is effective enough.

Dove - posted on 02/10/2016

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Spanking at all is an unreasonable action, but IF you are going to swat... one or two (at the most) w/ your bare hand on his clothed bottom.

Anything more than that is borderline abuse... or flat out abuse. 7 is really too old to be spanking anyway though.

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