am i the only one being a single mom? why is it soo hard doing it alone?

Angela - posted on 11/05/2009 ( 107 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of 20!! his dad dont want anyhting to do with us.... i am wondering how can this be done.. i need a brake once in a while it hurts when i see all these other daddys being there for there kids.. my babys father has 2 more kids on the way and wants to be there for them what do i say or do?

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GLADYS - posted on 06/25/2013

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Hi, I'm a single mom of 6 yr pld boy & I'm from phils. We have same situation. My X don't provide financially & he doesn't mind his son right now even a phone call, SMS anything no more... I really hurts a lot everytime my son ask his dad and he also memorize the phone num. and tried to call his dad just to talk.. It's true it breaks my heart.


Then I realize, his dad cuts all the connections with me especialy wheh he knew that I'm starting to date w/ a guy. So, i said to my son that I don't know if where his dad and said his dad is mad at me... then when ask "why" it makes so hard again to explain I just said because of many reason which I tell you when He grow up..

i just pray that my son will not be mean to me when he grow up soon,,, thanks

Angela - posted on 07/19/2011

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if he doesn't want to be there for your kids then its his loss. he's the one missing out. i know it's hard cuz my sons dad doesnt want anything to do with him either. and it's especially hard when you see other daddy's with their kids. but all i can tell you is to pray that God brings the right man into your lives. cuz that's all i can do right now. because your kids have you to love them.

Holly - posted on 07/18/2011

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Angela being a parent is as you are learning a full time job and then some, but the rewards far outweight the hard times. I am a single mom as well, started all over at 40 and yeah dad was supposed to be in the picture but decided when my daughter was 3 months old that he didnt want to be a full time dad. It is hard but just think of all the moments that you get to experience that he is missing out on. All the firsts, first smile, first step, etc. Those are moments that you will cherrish and he will never get to expereince with your little man. Keep your chin up hun, it does get easier and the older he gets the more you will cherrish the bond that YOU have with him. Is the dads family involved with him at all. I know in my case even though dad doesnt see our daughter much, his parents and grandparents are very involved in her life and love her to pieces, so I get a break when she goes to visit with them...

Angela - posted on 07/18/2011

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"I am a single mom of 20!!"

"I'm a single mum of 18".



Eighteen? Twenty? That's a lot of kids to have, even if there WAS a second parent by your side!!

Stacey - posted on 11/16/2009

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I'm a single mum of 18. I live on my own with my 6month old daughter and dog lol. My daughters father doesnt want to know her if i bother him...

Just ask him to be there for his baby so that she grows up knowing her father and not calling someone else dad.

Melody - posted on 11/16/2009

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you are not alone



hi angela you are now in this situation,accept it if you cannot change it.stop hurting gal,yes its so challenging yet it brings out a victor in you.brace up,do all you can to provide both physically and emotionally for that baby.assume both parental roles for now,yes it hurts but never kills.as they grow older that pain in you is replaced by pride as you watch them play or walk around,you feel proud that you have given their life a meaning and you`re all they have.I`ve experienced it with ma two angels and yes,it works so cheer up.

Erika - posted on 11/15/2009

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This biological "father" clearly does not know the meaning of responsible. From the moment his children were concieved he was accountable. However, YOU have stepped up and assumed responsibility. That takes courage and strength. In many cases our children are better off without their biological father ... and this may very well be one of those cases. One thing is for certain ... he can not walk away from his financial obligations. BE SURE NOT TO LET HIM!
Allow yourself "ME TIME". Even an hour to yourself can bring down the stress level enough to refocus.
GOOD LUCK!

Angela - posted on 11/14/2009

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turn everything negative into something positive. okay he turned out to be a loser. but you have this chance to raise a man of your own and teach him how to act like a man. hold your head up high and be proud of yourself for being willing to tackle this on your own.

Angela - posted on 11/14/2009

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The only thing you really can do is raise your child, he's going to do what he wants to.Unless u put him up for support and then you may or may not ever see that. I was a single mother for seven years and its hard. but wake up every morning and look at your gift from God that this man is causing his ownself to miss out on. Build a support system friends or family to help you when times get tought.

Talana - posted on 11/14/2009

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At 19 I was a single mom of a son for the first 15 years of his life and then I got married for the first time. I can tell you that raising him alone is far easier than having to discuss, argue, compromise, and try to make someone elses ideas and thought mesh with your own on raising your child. Be consistent always. Never give in and change your mind, unless you want an arguement with your child. Also, hire a babysitter for you to have some alone time. I had a sitter who would take him to the park if I needed to get something done at home. Or stay with him when I went to the library to study. I made it threw college and now work for the federal government. You can do it!! My son's biological father sounds like the guy you are dealing with. You don't need him and neither does your child. Be you childs Mom first then friend second always. I heard a saying once that went, "Mom's always love their children, but sometimes they may not like them." I really believe this and it makes it easier during those times when you are having trouble liking what the child has done.

Lynda - posted on 11/14/2009

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Enjoy your baby he won't be a baby long, foget that biological father and look for some one who will be a real dad to your child who will love you both. On the practical side can you join a mum and toddler group and take turns with other mums at "spelling" each other, so you all get some 'pamper me' time

User - posted on 11/14/2009

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Being a parent is hard whether single or not. We all go through hard time. Good Luck

Rebecca - posted on 11/14/2009

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I was a young single mum. Now I'm a (still young!) not single mum. First thing I want to tell you is that being a mum is hard, single or not. If you've got family or even a good friend who you would trust with your baby then ask them if they would babysit occasionally, even if it's just once a month so you can have time to yourself. When I am child-free, I somtimes just find myself watching telly for a bit or having a relaxing bath rather than having to be quick because my little one is determined to climb in with me while still fully clothed!
I also would like to point out that even when parents are together, it's no guarantee that the dad will actually be there for the kids. If your baby's dad doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby then I would guess that you are better off without him. It might be that when his other babies come along, he'll be different. But in the meantime, chase him up for child support and get everything you can out of him!

Tanya - posted on 11/13/2009

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I watched my girlfriend go through this! her babies father was just a moron! so she ended up in court and got full custody and all rights transfered to her, if this is your case you will need to do this for your babys future and have the freedom to travel with your child later on. ensure you keep a journal of all the times he stood you up of the expenses you incur daily so the courts will see hes a deadbeat and awarding you custody will be a no brainer. On the other hand it may be he just does not know how to be a dad. I know this sounds odd but as women (for the most part) it comes naturally for men they need guidence. If you walked into his place of employ and he started spouting off numbers and files/parts etc you'd look at him like he had three heads its the same for him he walks into your place and is most likely terriefied of screwing it up, try guiding him a little do some stuff together to make him feel more comfortable. Well I hope he falls into the last category and not the first, he will regret it one day if that is the case. Best of luck

Annabelle - posted on 11/13/2009

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I've been doing this for 11 years now but I started age 16. Even when I was married the father of my 3 was never around (military) so after the divorce nothing was different. It does get easier it becomes a routine and eventually you are doing it without realizing it at all. Mine are 11, 8, and 6 now I have 2 jobs and school full-time but somehow everyone is happy and has what they need (mom is exhausted). Find your groove and stick to it, make dad pay child support, and in the future your son will deal with him about being a dead beat dad. It is painful to go through but you will are stronger then you know.

Florence - posted on 11/13/2009

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You are not alone Angela,am 22 expectant and due in a few weeks time.The guy responsible in my case denied it all and i have had to go through my pregnancy alone.I feel you now coz it really hurts.I had to stop my schooling was in college for the sake of my baby.Am still trying to cope with the fact that there will be no father for my child and all the responsibilities of taking care of a child.I got no job and in places like my country Kenya its so hard to find one.Right now am depending on ma parents who aren't doing well financially.
take heart ant put your trust in God He is the only faithful and true friend on earth.Don't give up on your dreams or anything you ever wanted to achieve you will make it somehow.I have watched my sisters get through such hurdles and i believe we too can.Angela thankGod for the chance of being a mum to someone while so many cry coz they can't,enjoy every moment of taking care of your baby however demanding it is you will be proud to see a child who has made it in life coz you were there for them I wish you all the best.You can talk to me and we share coz its always good to have someone to just listen

Karla - posted on 11/13/2009

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I am a single mom of a beautiful 10 yearl old and, its not easy homework, school, work and my self, I do somehow seem tomanage all of this you need patiente and lots of love times will get easier with in time........

Sharon - posted on 11/13/2009

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it get better and the love you get back of your child will help and go to mother and child
groups and try and make some friends with kids and when you do you`ll help each other

Eduarda - posted on 11/13/2009

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Quoting angela :

am i the only one being a single mom? why is it soo hard doing it alone?

I am a single mom of 20!! his dad dont want anyhting to do with us.... i am wondering how can this be done.. i need a brake once in a while it hurts when i see all these other daddys being there for there kids.. my babys father has 2 more kids on the way and wants to be there for them what do i say or do?


Hello,



I also am a single mom with two children fortunately my ex is a great father and he always spends time with his kids. The only thing I can suggest is maybe setting up a day  were the baby's dad can spend time with his child one on one. Maybe this will help him to bond and  he won"t feel pressured with you in the room.



Maybe calling and asking if he would mind watching the baby for an hour or so while you go to an appointment. 



Hope this helps.



Eduarda

Lori - posted on 11/13/2009

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You don't just move over and let him be the father he should be! never keep children from the other parent and be sure that they know the other children if possible, be pleasant and keep your head up and join the christain mom's circle the stronger your support system the better off you'll be!

Teresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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He left because he didn't want the responsibility of a family, but now thinks it is his responsibility to harrass me about how I am bring our children up (they are 9 & 11, he left when they were 3 & 5). He always puts me down to the kids and criticises every thing I do. (I am studying at uni, I work part time and am also there for the kids school events and other activities, which he doesn't attend).

The kids hate going to his house, (he has them one night per week and one weekend per month) because of what he always says about me. My daughter is counting down the time until she is 12 so that she doesn't have to go to him.
He will be the loser in the end.

To beat the depression, join a group - mother's group, church craft groups quite often have a creche.
See a counsellor to let it all out. I have recently started seeing a counsellor again due to the constant critisism from my ex.
Try to get a friend or day care to look after the baby, even if its for an hour. I don't have a lot of support from my family due to distance, but I look forward to the days when I do get some time alone. I work when I haven't got the kids, not for the money but for the social aspect.
Trust in God because He will never leave you alone.

Teresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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I quite often wish that my ex husband would leave us alone, We have been divorced for 51/2 years, but he still tries to control me in every way. He pays maintenance but doesn't help out in any other way.

Carrie - posted on 11/12/2009

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Honey, I don't know. There is nothing you can do I don't guess. I'm in the same situation and haven't found a remedy. I wish I could be of more help. I wish I could say there is an easy fix. But, I can't. You just have to do the best you can. Good luck. The best thing in the world is your child(ren). Just enjoy them. They will be your light!!!

Lanre - posted on 11/12/2009

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WOW!
Av really been encouraged by all these comments. Angela, thank God we aint alone in this. God is with all, and we have got lovely family (both biological and none).
Av got a lil princess of 7months and her sperm donor has never set his eyes on her. he got overwhelmed by the reality of his role as father while i was 5 months pregnant and took to his heels.
I really loved him so much, but when he walked away I got bitter, thanx 2 my Mum & Aunties who cautioned me & pointed to the fact that my bitterness would affect the child, I changed my attitude afterwards and decided to love my lil angel. She is now 7months, i cherish evry moment we spend together, she is so full of life, she gives me joy & we love each others company.
The one amazing fact is my daughter is a replica of my late dad & does not look like her sperm donor in anyway. This resemblance has also endeared her to my siblings (am the only girl out of 4 children) so shes got enough father figures.
Thanx to God and support from my family.
So my lil advice is that you should take ur mind off the sperm donor, focus on ur child & ask God to help u bring her up according to his plan for her life.
I wish you all the best.

Rozelle - posted on 11/11/2009

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I am a single mum to a beautiful 9 year old girl. Her dad is not a part of our life, which is fine with me as I have a very supportive family, friends and a community who accepts me for who I am and my achievements... My daughter is just that, a wonderful achievement, how can it not be?? She gives me joy every time I look at her or think of her... I am responsible for this wonderful human being the way she is. I have come across many couples who our together solely for their children and have such miserable lives and I am glad I am my own mistress. A few of the ladies have mentioned never to bad mouth your child's father, I agree completely... Besides it making you bitter, chances are at one point he was what made your world look good, and the result is a human being who need you more then anything to grow happy.. My daughter's dad is supposed to pay child support but accept for 6 months of her life he has conveniently stopped since I had to move out of the country and pursue my career. I have had to work harder to prove myself I could do it and to give my daughter a great life. Sometimes I feel if I hadn't experienced my turmoils I wouldn't have found my strength... I am considerably successful at what I do all because I was given the encouragement to be a great mum. My sisters and my parents have been angels in their support. My daughter is loved by every person who meets her... I ask her if she wants to meet her dad and she turns around and says, "but I have you, whatever would I need to see him for". Her curiosity about who he is makes us google him and we learn about his life and his marriage and her half brother.... then she turns around and says, I am glad I am all yours. How can I not love being a single mum when I hear that?? I am a happy person and my world is all the more brighter and happier because of her. I never met anyone who I thought should be a substitute dad, but I don't want her to grow up thinking that this is the way families are. My wish for her is that when she grows up she will be fortunate to meet someone who will cherish her for the person she is and if not she will still know that she is still loved by her family...Being a single mum is tough, but there are those who aren't and have a tougher life.... Count your blessing... I do... Good luck, You'll be a good mum and love your little legacy!

Sue - posted on 11/11/2009

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Wow Sweetie,
There seems to be alot of support on here for you, It looks like you are not alone at all. Strong women helping each other. I know that I volunteered in a Family Centre as a Treasurer and this was run by grants through different agencies. You may have one in your Neibourhood too, Its a get together for Mothers and children and they have outings and meetings and babysitting while you may be in a meeting or involued in helping with programs. This is a great way to meet other Mothers just like yourself and get the support you need and meet like minded people as yourself while learning and playing with your child and group activites and help and support from the staff and other mothers in the family group. I joined because I found this was a wonderful place to get out of the house with my kids when they were pre school then i became the treasurer to give back as I found this was such a good help to me and others and this was a good way for me to build up my self esteem and learn and experience some tasks for the working world. I hope you have one in your area. Check into it. Take care and love you baby and I will keep you in my prayers. signed mysisterskeeper.

Trayon - posted on 11/11/2009

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I am a single mother and pregnant with my second. My first son's father has nothing to do with him. He was there throughout the pregnancy and even for the delivery but once the reality sunk in that my son was here for good he ran to the other side of town. What a loser!! It hurted in the beginning but I realized it's his lost he isn't hurting anyone but him self. Everything happens for a reason so if you are a single mom be strong keep your head up and do what's good for you and your children. Momma's baby daddy's maybe!!! Kids are a blessing so cherish them to the fullest!!

Melissa - posted on 11/11/2009

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first make sure the baby's "father" is paying his fair share of support. that is important not for you but for your child. go through the courts so there is a record of everything and no misunderstandings. then, swap babysitting with another mom so you can get time away. you are stronger than you think! you can do this!

[deleted account]

Even though it hurts to admit it, there are many dads out there that don't deserve to be dads. Fathering a child does not qualify anyone to be a good parent. Accept the fact that you made a bad choice and do the best you can with your child. If his dad was really a good person he would not be acting this way. Be glad that you are not having to deal with him on a regular basis.



All you can do is make sure he is held accountable legally to help you take care of your son. They often do not want to take on their financial responsibility so they think by avoiding you, you will let him get away with not contributing. Just remember your child deserves the help.

Lori - posted on 11/11/2009

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Just wanted to say to hang in there. Take one day at a time and try not to sweat the small stuff. You can only do so much and I'm sure you are doing your best. Make the time even if its just for an hour to leave the laundry or the cleaning and do something for yourself. That was one of my problems but slowly I got the hang of it. Figure out a few things you want to do and start slow and with just one.

Michaela - posted on 11/11/2009

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i know how it feels am a single mom of a 2year old, his father walked when i was 8 months gone , he decided he wanted to see him when he was 3months he has just walked again, it does hurt when u see the other kids with there dads , u just have to be the mam and dad for them, and at the end of the day its them missing out

Marlene - posted on 11/10/2009

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I was a single mom at 16 and it was very hard I moved to a big city with my little guy who know is 18 but for 7 years I worked to make us have what we needed but it did get easier and it will for you to our kids are our future

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2009

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i feel ya girl im holdin my littlone right now...all u can do is take care the best u can. Its sad , frustrating, mindblowing etc... But we can only do the best we can do. Its the daddy's loss if they choose not to be a part of thier life!

Anne - posted on 11/10/2009

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Im a single mom as well im 22. Its not easy but for me atleast it kind of all fell togeather. Everything works out the way it needs to be, and your motherly instincts will kick in. All I can say is if he wants to be apart give him one chance if he screws up be done with it, It will only hurt the child later. My daughter father left us came bacj in her life when she was 9 months and then decided he didnt want to be apart. And now she wants back in again. I wont let him all it takes is one time to screw up.

Isenia - posted on 11/10/2009

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You have to accept that dad is selfish and will not be part of your baby's life. I was a single mom from 19, and daddy had nothing to do with his son or daughter. Dad was barely mature enough to handle his own life. Then I married at 23. My husband begged for a child even though we were already raising 2 babies under kindergarten. I gave in and had a son. We divorced a year and a half later. He goes through a "I want to be a good dad" phase once every other year and tries to be in Jacob's life. he tells Jacob "I love you" and "I will always be there for you" but it only lasts a month. Between phases, he ignores Jacob, even on birthdays and Christmas. My older two are ignored too by their dad. It breaks my heart to see my kids wonder why they are blown off, thinking it's their fault....But letting dad in and out when ever he feels like it only hurts the child. I made that mistake.



The child needs consistency. I remarried earlier this year to a man who puts all our kids first, and shows them that he will always be here for them. He shows them by keeping promises, and giving his time. There are men out there that are great...but some women find the crappy ones first. You just need to be the best mom you can be, and keep making sure that your child knows that he/she is your first priority. It will get better. There are lots of programs that are out there for you too. Subsidized Child Care (4C's) , food programs (W.I.C.), Cal-Works (Food Stamps, Cash Aid, and MediCal Insurance), Head-Start (free preschool)...I even shopped at the second had stores. You can find great kids clothes and furniture in new condition for great prices. You and your baby will be fine...you have each other :)

Sue - posted on 11/10/2009

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Girl I know exactly what you are going through. Don't worry about him because he is the one losing out on his child growing up. The only thing you can do is pray that things get better, but don't hound him because you cannot make anybody do what they don't want to do. The blessing for me is that my daughter has godparents in her life and her godfather steps in as if he is the dad and they have a really good relationship. Don't worry yourself because this will only make you child stronger in the end because my dad was not in my life until I got grown. So your child is going to be okay. Just make sure you raise your child like you are supposed to.

Tiffany - posted on 11/10/2009

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Hugs! You need them!

I was also a single mom at the age of 19. I rec'd no support from ANYONE! I worked 3 jobs to put diapers on him, but I wouldn't change a thing (well, I can always wish it was easier). I looked at it like this......I CHOSE to have sex. I knew the consequences. I CHOSE to have this baby. I have no right to be selfish at this point in my life. I wanted to go out, I wanted to do all the things my friends were doing, I felt like I needed a break, but I CHOSE to have sex. The first 2 years were extremely difficult, but we made it. (I met the man of my dreams when my son was 2 and life got easier).

One piece of advice I will give you........don't EVER bad mouth your child's father in front of your child. My mom did this to me as a child and it still bothers me today. If the father decides to be a part of your childs life, keep ALL of your feelings about him to yourself or whoever, but NOT ever in front of or in earshot of your child. I always told my son that his father just chose a different path in lfe and I took the path of raising him and being the best mommy I could ever be. My son is now 18 and hasn't seen or heard from his biological father since the age of 2. He remembers him. We have always been 100% honest with him about his father if he ever asked questions. We have offered to let him meet him and he said no, that he has no desire to ever meet him. He knows who his real dad is and that is the dad that has raised him for the last 16 years of his life.

It will get better. It will get easier. But remember, your child comes first. You chose to have him so always make him feel special. You will have such an amazing bond with your child knowing that you struggled to make it because of him. Smile!!!!

Holly - posted on 11/10/2009

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You are most certainly not the only single mom out there. There are a bunch of us that wish our childrens fathers would step up to the plate and take on the responsibility that is theirs as well. Unfortunately most of the time this does not happen and we are the ones left to pick up all the pieces. That is why they call us women, we were given to strength to take on these responsibilities when these so called men wont or dont. I know things are tough for you, I can fully understand that as I am a 40 yr old single mother of a 10 month old, but at the end of the day I would not trade it for the world. You and your baby will have a bond that the father will not have and if you want to look at it realistically he is the one that is losing out in the situation. You are a part of your childs life EVERYDAY, he is the one missing out on the most precious gift that could have ever been given to him and you are getting all of it. If you have any friends with children see if you can swap days or hours of watching children for each other, that way you could get a little break. It is unfair that we have the full responsibility while they continue to live life as nothing at all is going on, but trust me what comes around goes around and you have the best thing that this man had to offer you and that is a precious child. Enjoy being a mom, relax and dont take it all for granted as they truly do grow so fast and you can never get these days back. My other child is almost 19 and off in college, it seems like yesterday that he was a little guy still depending on his momma and now he is out of the house. Enjoy every touch, smile, laugh as they will soon be grown.....

Cherilyn - posted on 11/10/2009

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It is hard and lonely at times but my daughter is going to be 16 in March. I raised her by myself since the day I got pregnant!!!! The sperm donor(her words for him) ran with his tail between his legs denying she was his!!! I had a hard time telling my parents as I had just turned 20 and graduated from college. My dad was disappointed in me and would leave the room whenever we talked about the pregnancy. My mom yelled at me that I had ruined my life and theirs, etc. Then she came around and we have been closer for it all. Once I had her, my dad fell totally in love with her and they were both there for her always! She is very close to them both as my dad ended up being her father figure. They would take her 1 weekend a month in order to let me have "my" time. Without that...... Anyway, asses came and went in my life and I regretted her being around every one of those bad relationships but she told me 1 day that she was sorry I had all those things come thru my life and hurt me but she wasn't upset with me that I had put her thru that too. She was happy I had because she had learned alot from them all. I may have made many mistakes in my life that I regret but 1! My daughter is a very strong and independent young woman with a great head on her shoulders!!!! She has learned what signs to look for when guys are cheating on u, how to figure out when they are hiding stuff from u and how to get over it all. We have been very close her whole life and she will talk to me about anything and everything!!!! I am glad we have been close enough for her to feel this way as we have already delt with the suicide teen years. Luckily she came straight to me with these feelings. It is amazing how we think we have screwed up trying to raise them by ourselves but actually we have made them and ourselves stronger!!!!! I never thought I would make it but we have and I know u will be able to make it too. I am now trying to cope with her getting along with the man I married in July as now there isn't just her and I. It is trying but we are all trying!!!!! Good luck and always take ur friends and family up on their offers of help!!!! He was never there with child support or anything and at times I worked 3 jobs but my family and friends were always there for me when I needed them.

Shawna - posted on 11/10/2009

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Ruth
I'm going to tell you that at least in Colorado the way they determain how much child support is by comparing financials and by how much time the child will be with you and with the father. I will give you one little piece of advice. If the father doesn't want to see the child don't let his family see the child because then this is his way of still seeing the child. My ex in laws use to do that to me and once my daughter was old enough to talk she would tell me. It makes it more difficult on the child plus it could end up bitting you back (at least that was my experience) If you do decide to leave your child's father make sure you get the child support done right away and that you put some strict parenting plan in place.

Roxane - posted on 11/10/2009

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You can't make him be there for your child, but you can make him pay financial support. If he doesn't want to be there than he won't be good for your baby, they can sense things. Being a mom is hard whether your single or not, not all daddy's help out. Whatever you do, think about what is best for you and your child. That may not be the daddy. Reach out to your friends for help, even family will be there for you, you'll be surprised.

Ruth - posted on 11/10/2009

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i am not in love w/ my daughter's father anymore; but he helps pay the bills and raise her; i couldn't imagine life without him; but if it happened; someday i'm sure it will; i will make him pay me the maximum amount of child support allowed by law and he will have visitations with her to give me a break; if he didn't want to see her; i'd let his family see her if they wanted to; to get a break and they would probable help me with her too

Bernadette - posted on 11/10/2009

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hi your not the one im raising two children on my own too and it is hard work their father dont want notting to do with them either like kids dont deserve this men are wasters

Shawna - posted on 11/10/2009

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I am a single mother of a 7 yr old. It is tough. As far as the father I would not worry about it too much. Yes it is hurtful that he doesn't want any part of your childs life, but some day you will find some one that will love your child like their own.

As for you...What you need to do is find a friend that has a child too and maybe take turns watching each others child so then the each of you get a break. You might also want to check around your neighborhood to see if there are a teenager that might be interested in watching your child. Then maybe once a month or once every couple of months go out take a break. And try not feel guilt about it either.

Karen - posted on 11/10/2009

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I was a single mom at 22. My daughter's father would have nothing to do with her until she was 3 yrs old or so. Those first years were really tough but I got through them. I was a single mom then and now that I am divorced I am a single mom now to an 8 yr old boy. It's really hard but you can do it! Get your child support set up and if he's working they will garnish his wages and if he's not working - when he does start working they will garnish then. You can't force him to be a father. If he is such a jerk that he doesn't want to be w/ his child then forget him! You can be both mom and dad. Do you have any family or friends that could help you out - give you a few hours off? I was all alone too and I remember how tough it was. But my daughter is now 21 and she turned out pretty well!! Forgive yourself for not getting all the stuff done and just enjoy your little one and give lots of love! A father who is forced to be in a child's life that he doesn't want to be will not be much of a father anyway. I know it hurts but it's ok - he's the one missing out! Just focus on you and your child and do the best you can - that is all you can do. There are many many single moms out there! And there are groups you can join too! I am not sure where you live or how large the area is but there are clubs for moms to get together and play w/ their kids and even single mom groups. Best of luck to you and know that you are not alone!!

Ally - posted on 11/10/2009

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i am a single parent have been for 15yrs i had five children when my husband left my youngest was a few weeks old i have since adopted a boy and girl as i enjoyed my children very much some days were hard but they brought me so much joy i have never run there father down and as they got older they wanted to see there father (the youngest was 9yrs old) when he first met his dad he made his own mind up about him they all did i had to be there for my son when his father dumped him yet again. i had my first child at 17yrs have always been the only parent to them as he was never around life started when i got the big D it was the best thing for all of us. we are all very close i now have 4 grandchildren and another on the way i have 3 children at home still, youngest is 5yrs i belong to a church and they are like family to us, i look back and think how did i do it lol my kids are all wonderful i am so so proud and i know i will never be alone when i am older we all help each other its a wonderful life you can do it. you will look back and see the work you have done on your lovely child and smile it was worth it thinking of you ally a single mum of seven

Charlotte - posted on 11/10/2009

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I to am a single mum and it can be very hard. Like you i struggle sometimes with the fact that i never get a day off. most of the single parents i know get weekends here and there but i have mine all the time. I have 2 daughters and been on my own with them for a year now. Its not so bad for me cos i have one at school and one at pre school and i am at uni all day so do get some adult conversation during the day but the evening i hate because at 24 i dont get to go out and meet anyone. lots of tv and studying in my world. But i wouldnt change it because if i changed any of it i wouldnt have my girls to be proud of. They are the reasoni get up in the morning and always keep me smiling. Keep your chin up

Brittany - posted on 11/09/2009

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i am not a single mom but i feel like it my husband does not help at all the only time he wants something to do with her is if she is up and in a good mood it is hard because you feel as if you have no help my mom was a single mom as me and my siblings were growing up and i know it was hard on her so i tried to help out as much as i can but doing that i missed out on being a kid i would not say anything to him hun because someday he will loke back and she what a great job you did and see he missed out on alot and you can look at him and tell him you could do it on your own you did not need his help

Lily - posted on 11/09/2009

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hi angela i know how you feel but i've been a single mum for 11 yrs my ex left us when my daughhter was 13 months she doesn't remember him. the kids suffer really in the end they get teased at school , and they constantly think that the dad left because of them. reassure your children that it's not their fault it's really no one's it takes two .

nobody is perfect and there isn't a perfect marriage . but you get along , you learn to live with this been own your own and also if you have supportive parents and brothers and sisters like i have i'm blessed to have them in my life . been on my own has made me independent i rely on myself but if i need help my family are there. but i understand not everybody has their family there i suppose, but you just take day by day and your child will appreciate you and respect you because you care about them. no one says it's easy and i find the down fall of being on my own i get lonely , no one to talk to but on the other hand sometimes it's nice to be on own with your child you can do what you want and raise your beautiful child the way you want. it's harder when you have this business when you ahve your child going back and fourth for access so they can see their dad and sometimes it's awkward cause most of the time the parents usually fight about their child but this is only my opnion and my experience . but there are a lot of nice fathers who get along with their spouses for the sake of the children. it's very brave for anyone to bring up a child on their own but it;s the most rewarding thing ever watching your child grow and learn about everyday life experiences and make sure take a lot of photos . spend a lot of time with them when their young because their older like tenagers you'll be chasing them for attention enjoy it while you can. take care lily

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