Am I wrong?

Sam - posted on 05/10/2016 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My ex and I were never married. Together 11yrs, we have a 10yr old son that has the surname of his dad. However, I never put the fathers name on the BC. Well since we split up (he left) not for anyone..Ive not let him have any contact with our son, as he has no rights to him. Am I wrong for doing this? The child is getting his ssdi aux benifits, however he is not legit.

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Jodi - posted on 05/11/2016

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See, I find this very interesting. Every time we disagree with what you are doing, you add to your story.

So what if you had to kick him out of the house for not wanting to change. That's between you and he...nothing to do with the child.

So what if he was talking to a girl. That is between you and he, nothing to do with the child.

You don't have to let him back into YOUR life. But you don't have the right not to let him back into your CHILD'S life. Yes, you are still in the wrong by stopping him seeing his child!

How many different ways do we have to tell you that it isn't about YOU? GROW UP!!!! HE IS YOUR CHILD'S FATHER!!!! You don't have to like it, that is the reality. Get over it.

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2016

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Of course he is mad you have cut him off - you have cut him off from his kid, and you don't have the right to do that. If he has never threatened your child or hurt him, then you don't have grounds on which to make this decision. The police don't have the jurisdiction to give you legal advice in relation to the custody of your child. I don't care that you don't want to look at him - this isn't about you. It's about the child. You still don't have the right to cut him off from his child.

What you need to do, as the appropriate thing to do, is allow him access to his child AND talk to a lawyer about filing for custody and visitation orders so that there is a very clear parenting plan, and that way, there is no question and no need for anyone to be harassing anyone.

Sorry, you are still in the wrong.

Sky - posted on 05/12/2016

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Omg you sound just like my fiancés ex wife.

Grow the fuck up, if the child's dad is able to be in his life then who the hell are you to stop him doing so.

Yes you have said he has a temper ect but has NEVER hurt YOU or his SON, so he is NO threat to your son.

Things can turn nasty when a relationship ends between you and your ex but that's life at the end of the day he has done nothing wrong to stop him from seeing HIS SON.

FFS my ex husband RAPED me for over 13 yrs but I would NEVER stop him seeing our children because despite everything he is an AMAZING DAD and would NEVER do anything to hurt them.

My fiancés ex has spread lies for 2 yrs about him being a drunk, a woman beater blah blah blah all of it is lies but because of her he can not see his daughter because she can't get over the fact that he has moved on and will not go back to her, you are just as bad as each other, YOU have NO right in playing childish fucking games with your child GROW FUCKING UP if he takes it to court YOU WILL lose your child because he will say that you are a risk to the child and if he lets you see him you will abduct him, he has every right to do so because that's what you're doing to him......😡😡😡

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2016

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The comment the OP made about the child not wanting to speak to his Father worries me.
What has she been feeding into his head? They were quite happily a family for 10 years and no all of a sudden a son doesn't want to talk to his Father.
I have had 2 boys go through this stage and they have always wanted contact with their dad. Even when they know he is an alcoholic. Stop filling his head with your feeling about his Dad. Your ex is his Dad and you have no right to interfere with that relationship.
Put your big girl panties on and put your feelings aside. This isn't about you!!!!!

Ev - posted on 05/11/2016

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I am in agreement with these ladies. I have answered a lot of similar posts that they have replied to. We are trying to tell you that this child has a right to have a relationship with dad and dad has a right to parent this child. What gives you the right to not allow it?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/01/2016

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You ARE most definitely in the wrong here! Just because YOU falsified a legal document, that doesn't mean that the child's FATHER has no rights! What a crock, one USUALLY used by women who think that they have a possession rather than a child. I hope he files for his rights!

You do not get to deny a child HIS right to have BOTH of his parents.

What, exactly is your reasoning for your arbitrary parental alienation?

Heather - posted on 06/01/2016

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YOU made him mad by denying contact...now you're the victim?! You would be mad too if he did this to you..I think it's logical for him to be angry cause he wants to be there for his child.

You need to be an adult and talk to him. Let him see his son and hang out- maybe his anger wont be so easy to flair up because you two are not around each other any more and he wont have the stress of your guy's relationship on top of trying to be a good dad.

Heather - posted on 06/01/2016

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He is legit if his sperm gave you that child. Yes, you are in the wrong and when your child finds out you are the reason he couldn't talk to his dad he will resent you. He will find out that his dad tried to have contact but you refused it because you two were never married. This sounds like you are trying to be spiteful and not looking at what's best for your child. He can't even talk to him on the phone or come visit his own son?

He does have rights cause he is the bio father...just like if your son turns 16 and wants to live with his dad you would have rights as his bio mom to go visit him. A court will not let this hold up so you better be civil now then later.

He can legitimize though a DNA test- that's not hard at all so the fact that you were together for 10 years, helped for 10 years as a bio dad, and he can get DNA as proof means you are not safe with the whole "His name is not on the BC so I'm protected".

Dove - posted on 05/11/2016

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JUST reading the OP... duh, of course you are wrong. That boy needs his father. I hope he gets a paternity test done and takes you to court for custody rights. He could potentially get full custody w/ how you are acting and treating your son like a possession instead of a CHILD that deserves to keep his father in his life.

Please grow up for the sake of your child.

Sarah - posted on 05/11/2016

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Christ on a cracker, this post makes me furious. Do you know that document fraud is a criminal offense? You falsified a legal document by mot naming him the father and you knew he was. Your child need an accurate BC. Stop using it as some sort of weapon!
*"So again in the state of Georgia he has to legitimize and I can contest it" So you will lie in court and deny is the parent? You are in for a hard road if you don't wise up and admit the fatherhood. So what if he did drugs and stopped, stopped being the key word. Sp what if you don't like him, you don't have too. He love his kid no doubt and a child does not get to choose if he sees his father or not.
Who gave you the right to be judge, jury and executioner!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/11/2016

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Furthermore, after reading your responses...Get a grip lady. You don't get to make this decision.

Praying further for your ex to take you to court and be granted custody.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/11/2016

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You're HILARIOUS!!!

You don't have the right to deny that child a relationship with his biological father. YES. you are in the wrong in this, and his father CAN take you to court for parental alienation. You do stand to lose custody completely because of your selfish, childish, possessive attitude.

Honestly? I pray that your ex DOES take you to court

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2016

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It's not your decision to make. Period.

I'm done. You clearly are not interested in being fair, or listening to what is right or wrong (despite the fact you asked if you were wrong). You are obviously only here to seek self-justification for your choices.

Good luck with that. And may you not be back here in a year or two whining because you lost custody of your child or because your child won't have a relationship with you because you prevented him from being with his dad. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Sam - posted on 05/11/2016

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I have my reasons. Plus my son says that he doesn't want to talk to his father and I don't think I should have to make him

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2016

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FFS, you don't HAVE to take him back. What part of that are you not understanding? But he still has a right to a relationship with his child. he doesn't have to be with you to have that! If he can prove that he is the father (and he can the minute he does a DNA test) and he can prove that you are denying him a relationship with his child (which you are doing) then he MAY have a case against you.

And this is apart from the fact that the CHILD has a right to a relationship with his dad. By denying this relationship you are hurting the CHILD. What are you thinking? Who CARES what the state of Georgia says about it. Are you prepared to tell your son he can't see his father? Are you prepared to risk that your child sees YOU as the person who prevented him from having a relationship with his dad? Really? Think about that. Then take a step back and take a step out of your bitch boots and think about this: you accepted this man as the father of your child for 10 fucking years, and now, because YOU have an issue with him, because YOUR relationship with him failed, that gives YOU the right to deny your child.

Clap. Clap. Clap. Mother of the fucking year.

Sam - posted on 05/11/2016

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I'm adding to my story because I want to make sure I got everything. I do not want him back he left me. In the state of Georgia a father doesn't have rights until he legitimizes the child now he has wanted to marry me I've accepted a ring but I never married him I just didn't think it was the right time. So again in the state of Georgia he has to legitimize and I can contest it

Sam - posted on 05/11/2016

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Okay I've also had to kick him out of the house 3 different times for not wanting to change and one time he was doing drugs which he did stop doing that and he did change on that end. one point he was talking to a girl but nothing ever happened and he admitted to it but I still kick him out but each time I let him back in so am I still wrong. 3 weeks after he left I started seeing someone I've known for 20years. My ex I are both in our mid 40s. He does sleep over. I think my ex is unstable.

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2016

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I would be mad at you as well.
How would you feel if he had left and taken his child and then denied you any contact?
That's what you have done and you have no right to do that. Your son has a right to see his Father, it doesn't matter that you lied (and committed fraud) on his birth certificate by not naming the Father.
How do you thing your son feels? He's had his Father around for 10 years and then he's gone and Mum won't allow him to see Dad. I feel so sorry for your son, you are hurting him more than your ex.
Grow up, you created a child together, you didn't adopt a dog. You need to put your own feeling about your ex aside and think about your child first.

Sam - posted on 05/11/2016

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Ok, I fear for the safety of me and my son. He does have a temper...he has never harmed us...but I think he is mad because Ive cut off all contact as well. I told the police that he is harassing me. They told him to have no contact or they will arrest him. So now I think he is mad. His mom said I should talk to him but I dont even want to look at him.

Jodi - posted on 05/10/2016

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Um, he is the father. Yes you are wrong. You are playing a stupid, childish game that is only hurting your child all because you are pissed off at the father. The kid has a father and has a right to a relationship with him. So what if he isn't on the birth certificate? He is still the dad. All he has to do is get a DNA test and prove that you have been denying him visits and you could lose custody. Sorry, but this is incredibly selfish.

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